What Are The Real Reasons Your Boyfriend Broke Up With You?

Over the past few weeks I have conducted a small survey on this site. The replies are really interesting.

I asked “Did your ex give you a solid reason for breaking up?”. Over 6000 of you replied.

The most illuminating discovery for me is that 1 in 6 girls are being dumped with no reason given whatsoever. Their other half don’t even have the decency of doing it in person. Of course, it could be because the girls answering that question were early in the relationship, and guys do have a tendency to flake out if it’s only a couple of weeks into things. But it’s still a surprising statistic.

There is then an approximately 50-50 split between guys who give genuine reasons vs guys who give fake reasons. This doesn’t surprise me as much. It sucks to be dumped, but it is also hard on the person ending the relationship. They don’t want to be seen to be shallow and rude, which is why they often fall back on the usual reasons, like:

  • “It’s not you, it’s me”
  • “I hope we can still be friends”
  • “I think we need some space for a while”
  • “You deserve better”

Uncovering the real reasons for a breakup often requires a dose of self-reflection. It is hard to look inwards and assess your own shortcomings. Of course, it takes two to tango – as they say – so it might simply come down to the insecurities and circumstances of your ex.

I’m interested to hear from you in the comments below about this survey. What was your personal experience? How many corny breakup lines did your ex boyfriend pull on you? If your ex was honest about his reasons, what were they, and did you learn from them?

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

1 sillygurl December 10, 2011 at 12:01 am

“It’s not you, it’s me”
“I hope we can still be friends”
“I think we need some space for a while”
“You deserve better”

These all were exactly what my ex told me. I think the main reason was because I showed him that I love him a lot which as a pressure to him somehow, well I still don’t even really sure what was the reason(s) :(

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2 Confused and lost December 20, 2011 at 7:54 am

My relationship was long distance…we met a few times, known each other for 7 months, it started out fantastic as friends. Then he made me realize that he’s in love with me. I booked a one way flight for him in July… (he said if I love him) he said I’ll book the return, couple of days before he was going to come see me…he said his work is busy he can’t come. So I cancelled it, and it was a credit now. In sept he went to another destination through his work, his xgf lives there too. All I asked was did u see her…he said no, and I said he should have used the credit and he said he didn’t. And says to me he will come see me in oct, I send him the locator number and he says his work is busy …once again he didn’t say he used up the flight credit. November I didn’t even ask him to see me. But mid November his emails were getting less and less(he doesn’t have a cell) I would email a few times before I would get one email after 1-2 weeks with one line. In december we both decided that I’ll go see him and I sent him an email after saying ….I’m going to use the flight credit …it might expire, he didn’t say nothing….I called the airlines to book my flight and the agent told me its already been used…in sept! I was mad (cuz my xbf would lye to me) and I said we are done! And sent some nasty emails (maybe he’s got it set so my emails go straight to junk mail)
I miss him ….I want him back or at least to talk to him again! I sent an email earlier today apologizing for my emails past week.
Pls help me, he’s blocked me on fb …I don’t know what to do!

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3 Jasmine January 4, 2012 at 12:32 am

me and my ex boyfriend were on and off for 3 years. the most recent relationship was 6 months long beggining in february 2011. when we first began dating he seemed really determined to change and fix things but as time went on he started changing and he wouldnt give me attention, comfort, love or anything. So I became really close with my guy friend because he offered that comfort so one day my friend shows up drunk and kisses me and I couldnt build up the courage to tell my boyfriend so 4 months later I told him and he broke up with me but before I even said anything about the kiss that happened he had started ignoring my phone calls and texts and would always give excuses for not coming to see me such as not having money but he always had money to hang out with his friends so I know its bs. I think he just used the kiss as the perfect excuse to break up with me and not look like the bad guy. Just recently he contacted me telling me he wanted to fix things and that he wanted to confess why he acted the way he did and he told me that the “flame” he had once felt had died and that any sign of affection was hard for him yet he kept me around for 4 months feeling this way. Now he wants to fix things and I want to be with him but I dont know if thats what he truly wants because it seems lilke he is playing hard to get and he isnt sure if he wants the relationship and I’m afraid to get hurt again. please give me advice!! I would greatly appreciate it. thank you.

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4 Nicole February 1, 2012 at 5:01 am

I would go for it, but tell yourself you won’t give him your full attention until he proves he really wants to fix things.

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5 Melisa February 17, 2012 at 6:00 am

My boyfriend broke up with me after 3+ years, last month he quit answering his phone if I called (I called once a day after he didn’t call me as he usually did. Though I quit calling after 2 days), he was completely silent for a week (No facebook messages, calls or anything else). The next week I saw him on campus and when I asked him what was going on, he said he was dealing with some things. I asked if we were breaking up or already broken up and his reply was “Does it appear healthy to you?” … Needless to say we were broken up. I broke all the rules (I just found this site tonight), and I called him, emailed him begging, crying, just wanting to understand what happened. We were still “friends” on fb, and he never responded to anything so after about 3 days I quit trying. That’s when I noticed he was befriending every ex girlfriend of his, and 90% of the girls he’s had sex with before he met me. I blew up at him in a rage, and he told me that he had distanced himself from me so that I would see that I could do better, that befriending those women had nothing to do with me and that I was his “almost” perfect match and though he loved me, he couldn’t continue to, that he was sorry, he tried. The week before he quit calling without seeming to have a reason, he was acting strange, depressed, and everything he said was in this monotonous voice. Now he’s full of life, laughing/having fun, acting exactly the way he’d acted for over 3 years when we were a couple. I just don’t understand why he decided to walk away after so much time, without any reason, it’s not like we had a fight and he left in a fit of anger. He left without saying a word and moved on with his life like we’d never known each other or meant anything to each other.

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