About
Hi all! I am Esmeralda, and I started this site to help you with your relationship issues. While this site is not my day-job, I spend a lot of time on here writing articles and helping girls out over in the forum. The site began after writing down the advice I gave to one of my friends who was going through a tough breakup. The advice turned into a Guide which has now been viewed over a million times on the internet (it boggles my mind sometimes).
I don’t have any formal qualifications in relationship counseling, but neither should that deter you from taking on board the things I say. I’ve spoken to thousands of girls now who have gone through the pain of a breakup, and coupled with my own experiences, I’ve seen the same things emerge time and time again. I’ve figured out what work and what doesn’t, and also the best ways of getting through the toughest parts of a breakup emotionally.
Apart from that I like to read (Salinger, Bret Easton Ellis, Hemingway, etc, mostly male writers) and sometimes I sing. Badly. Make sure you are not there when I do.
I hope you enjoy what I write, and if you don’t, I hope karma will come and get you for it! But seriously, if you have questions or comments please let me know.
All the best,
Essy
p.s. I am now on Google+, feel free to drop me a line there (Essy Redfield’s Google+ Profile).
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Essy,
Im in really bad situation rigt now and I dont know where to turn to. My boyfriend recently broke up with me a week ago (we were together for 2 and a half yrs). I was his first serious girlfriend. He never had any girlfriend before me. We were great together. We always had a good time whenever we get together. He always tells me he loves me and hes happy were together. We always had little arguments but we always resolved them. Until recently, we got into an argument. He didnt talk to me for 3 days then I finally texted him telling him he cant ignore me forever. He finally called me. He said hes not happy with the relationship, the constant arguing, the jealousy, me getting mad out of nowhere. And he doesnt know how to fix it. He also told me he had falling out of love and the connection wasnt there anymore. He then said, he fell out of love 6 months ago. Which confuses me because he said he loves me so much 4 days before the breakup. I asked him if we can talk in person instead of over the phone. We talked and he said theres nothing he can do. We will never get back together. And he doesnt like what his life is going right now. I begged and pleaded because I truly love him. And i didnt understand why all of a sudden, he felt the connection was gone. Its been exactly a week now, and I called, texted, pleaded and begged him. He told me i have to move on and that its over. Deep down I know he still loves me. Its hard to cut all the communications with him cause we talked everyday and Its hard to end it. He then told me i need to stop begging him and that he needed space. I told him i will give him the space he needed and that i still love him. He didnt say he still loves me and its hard to accept. What should I do? I need your help.
Hi,
I am by no means a professional relationship counselor either, but I think that the best peice of advice on your relationship matter is to let him go…I know that sounds like the last thing you want to do but you should. At least for a while. If you do something like that which is completely out of character (from what you depicted) then he just might start to wonder about you and then call to see what happened that changed your mind. He might wonder things like this: “Did she find someone else?” or “Maybe she is the girl that I love and she does have a life apart from me” (which may be what he wants to some degree. Men like to be the chasers in the relationship…even when you are together, you have to keep them on their toes, so to speak. I have made the same mistakes by calling so much that it became harrassing after I was the one that said I wanted us to take some time apart, and doing things like confessing my undying love when it wasn’t good at the moment between us. These sorts of things make us as women look desperate. Who wants to date someone desperate? Not you, not me, and definately not men. Think back to the how you portrayed yourself to him when he first met and fell in love with you. Did you have a strong sense of self, or at least act in ways that made him think you did? Did you have other things going on in your life so that he was not the ONLY thing you focused on? In the beginning it’s effortless because you can feel without thought how much he wants and loves you…but during a relationship when there is nothing left to mystery any more and the man can see you at your most vulnerable it becomes hard to bring back that sense of mystique and desire that every man craves. Men don’t want to not need them at all, but they do want a girl with a strong sense of autonomy so that we keep them guessing a bit and give them something to chase after. Think about how you feel when you see something that you want in a store. You want it but then once you buy it and wear it a while it becomes just as unimportant as anything else you owned before. It’s not special anymore. But, what if that item you bought kept changing in little ways that kept you interested in it. Well, we can do that too. I am not saying change who you are, but I am saying change how you behave to some degree. Be less available and let him want and come to you instead of vice versa. If he has moved on or found someone else, then you have to let him go. However, doing so with dignity just might make him realize what he had when he thinks about you since time and space make us only focus on the good and we tend to forget the bad when it’s not right there in front of us. Best of luck to you.
So confused… could use some advice. I was happily married for years to my highschool sweetheart. After he got back from Iraq though, he clearly had PTSD and some serious issues with alcohol. It got REALLY bad. I wish I could have stayed, but we have a son together, and it wasn’t a healthy environment. I moved, under the impression that we had both decided to take a break and work on ourselves so we could strengthen our marriage. He started dating shortly thereafter, saying that I had ‘left him’. He has a new GF, and he says that there is no chance of us getting back together, and to move on. His friends say that he still loves me, and is to hurt to admit it. I think they are right. It doesn’t help matters that we are several states away from each other now. During a break with his GF, he told me how crazy she was. I don’t know what to do. I want our family back together. Should I move on?
i believe that if you still love him and wish to work things out between the two of you this is the chance to do so,you know him and how much the two of you used to be inlove,all of that is there but felt like it was gone because of the problems that you two were facing.you need to be true to yourself and he has to do the same thing aswell,as a married couple you should stay together and work through your problems because trust me you are stronger together that apart…..
Hi,
I am so sorry to hear your story and what you have gone through and sacraficed for the well-being of your son. I commend you for doing the right thing for the greater good of the one person who will always love you unconditionally, your child. Kudos, mom. Anyway, I have been through a similar situation with my child’s biological father. We broke up about a year ago and most of it was due to alcohol use on his part as well as him shutting us out, not wanting to spend time with us, and letting himself go. I tried so hard to help him get in the mindset that if he got help he would feel better and our lives together would work. He didn’t, so I left too. I think that you should move on because he was not up to par before and it was him that needed to change and prove to you and your child that he could be strong and want to get help. I’m sure if he had you would have stuck by him. I am sure that when you left you were hoping it would be the wake up call he needed to try to fix his drinking issues and get the professional help he needed for his PTSD (which I am not downplaying by any means). I have 3 years finished towards my psychology degree and have studied the impact of PTSD within the family unit. However, since it is you now who is feeling like instinctually you want your family back but your man has moved on instead of trying to fix it when he was the one who needed to change for the better of your family unit, then in my opinion you should move on and you should tell him that you don’t think it’s fair for him to come to you with his new relationship drama either. I think if you move on too he may decide that he lost someone great and that he wants you back but for now he still has you to some degree (being there for him) so he has nothing to miss. Good luck.
Hey Essy,
I have had relationship problems for a couple of weeks and then last night my boyfriend wanted to talk to me. We talked about things and he decided he wanted to break it off with me. He told me all the reasons and I was greatful. But I didn’t think it was worth breaking up and I wanted to work at the relationship or have a break from each other for a while. I have read all of the WinHimBack articles but I am not sure what I should do. I have to see him next week at my friend’s 21st birthday and there is no avoiding that. Should i do the make myself look good and change appearance and myself thing and also send him the letter she recommending doing. I am just not sure. I am impatient and can’t wait 4 weeks but I know that would be probably the best idea. What did you do? Did you completely follow Jemima’s words completely to get your man back or did you follow it but not religiously? I am just not sure what to do. Thanks.
Heya essy!
I don’t know what to do in my situation. me and my ex have been on and off for the past two years and he is really confusing me. but now we have both moved on ( well atleast he has anyway!) I’ve loved him for over a year now but i don’t know what to do and he is seeing someone as well so i don’t really wanna mess that up as well! but I love him so much but he don’t love me I think? he flirts and flirts with me but he likes other girl but now I just want him back to my self, like how we was last year. now this is the ‘fun’ part, I said we have been on and off for the past two years but in total its been 11 times? yes i know wow! but he said he would never take me back befroe he asked me out so I need your help in getting him back for good. I can’t buy Jemima’s book because
A) I live in englad
B) I can’t aford it and
C) I don’t want people to know it is obs that i still love him!
Help me please!
Rhiannon <3 x
Hey,
My Boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me a little over a week ago…again. He told me 2 different reasons:
“I wasn’t the one for him”
and
“I’m just have so much focus on God all the time” (We were a very religious couple but a man is a man right?” God is no excuse. Man and woman are MEANT to be TOGETHER. Even though I knew I shouldn’t have I ended up following my instincts and messeged him like an idiot on Facebook. To the point where he has told me he wants nothing to do with me and again that “I’m not the one for him” However, I keep feeling that he is the one. I can’t picture myself with anyone else nor do I want to. I have tried to look at other men but I felt so guilty and wrong afterwards. Garrett just feels so right to me. He can make me smile even when he’s not doing anything, his touch makes me feel safe and comforted, and his smile just makes me melt (I know it sounds cheesy but it’s true) When we got back together after our first break-up things between us were better than ever. But, when he go accepted into Moody Bible Institute, a very respected and strict school in Chicago, things started to change…eventually to the point where he told me that he just felt detached from everything he had. I’ve done so much for him even with a broken heart and he acts like he appreciates none of it. So, I told him not to come back until he was ready to love me as unconditionaly as I loved him. I’m really scared and don’t know what to do. I love him so much and want to know how to be able to get him back and for good. What do I do Essy? (Hope I spelled your name right lol)
HI essy,
I have a huge problem and am confused on how to deal with my ex-boyfriend.
We had a baby back in June this year and ever since then things have been terrible.
He broke up with me on Aug 5th … i didnt beg for him back but just let it go and he ended up calling me 12 hrs later to come to his house to see the baby and to talk to me.
He ended up saying he was sorry and that he wanted to be with me, and we kisssed. I thought everything was back to normal but i was wrong. I got home later that night and he said he was confused yet again and needed time to think and some space.
Of course … before i was understanding and didnt want to talk to him bcause i thought it was OVER…. now he is giving me some hope… thinking there is a chance and all I want to do is to talk to him and give him reasons to stay with me. Also when i got to his house to bring the baby over he still acts like we are dating… the ‘i love you’ ‘s kissing etc…. nothing like that has changed, just are status.
I can’t just cut all communitcation with him off… we have a baby together who is very very young still. I just dont know what to do, please help me , I need him back and wanting me again.
Thanks
Kelsey
Hi Essy,
It’s not my usual thing to write someone in the net. Maybe I love my ex boyfriend that much that’s why I’m doing this. It was a whirlwind romance. I’m not sure if I’m a rebound girlfriend since it’s been only four months when he courted me after his previous girlfriend. The girl have already boyfriend now.
We been together for four months, one month of which is confusing. Actually, this is my first serious relationship because before I’m always using my mind over my heart. Right now I can’t imagine myself settling to someone else except my ex boyfriend. I’m not anymore young to play around.
We don’t have a formal break up. He became cold & distant. I just gave him what he wanted. I told him that I’m giving him more time to think. It’s been two months after that. Maybe my heart is already healing but I want him back.
About contact, I don’t know how to handle it. It’s really difficult because I saw him everyday, we are working in the same office. It’s really painful. He’s a good man just confuse.
I hope you can give me some advice. Thanks.
Gem
hey essy,
On august 14th, my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years came home to a couple text messages on my phone. i was sleeping and i woke up to him hovering over me calling me horrible names and screaming at me at 3 in the mourning, he even packed everything up and took it home with him. There was a guy who was asking me to sleep with him and stupid as i was, i said yes. I never met him before and i wasn’t going to even sleep with him, he was giving me the attention i felt that my boyfriend wasn’t i was hurt he wasnt loving me anymore and i intentinitonlly never ment to hurt him im not that kind of person. I just felt alone and now i regret every single movement of that night, i can’t sleep, my job is at risk, and i spend every single hour of the day crying trying to figure out what to do to get him back to me, im just used to sleeping besides him, and seeing him when i come home from work everyday, and for the past few days it’s been really hard on me actully very hard to where i need meds to sleep. My parents just got divorced and i just think im looking for attention. I still live at home with my mom im 20 years old, and im afraid next week when i start college it’s going to affect every little thing i do. Im very scared to lose him and can’t stand to see him with anyone else, he was my comfert zone, love of my life and everything to me. It just scares me because we made so many plans togther he even promised to marry me in the near future and where we’d live, how can i just let something like that not take controll over how i feel and my life?? I have no idea what to do since he works all the time and is busy, but he seems to find time to aviod me now days. It’s killing me slowley..
Please help a girl out essy,
thanks amber rae
Hi Essy,
I really enjoyed your video and the complete site, but I have a question. What if the ex-boyfriend doesn’t react like he should on the three groundrules? Mine is just glad I moved on, so he doesn’t have to feel bad about me feeling bad (but ofcourse I do feel bad). He isn’t jealous, he doesn’t miss me, he doesn’t contact me, he even thinks we can be ‘just friends’. He’s just glad it all went so smoothly without me getting depressed or needy (that’s what he thinks). There must be a 4th groundrule for guys like that? Or some tips, or something else? Could you write an article about guys who react like this and not like the predictable ones?
Thank you for everything.
Hey Anne .. that’s so similar to me.. It feels horrible.
I bought the “Win Him Back” system. Its been helpful, but I’m in a little different situation that it doesn’t talk about. My ex and I met about 2 years ago. From the moment we met there was an instant attraction. Feelings grew stronger over time. Unfortunately, a year after we met I had to move 500 miles away because of other things going on in my life. Things were still going good with us though. We talked about it and agreed it would only be a temporary set back. Shortly after I got back from visiting him we started having some problems. But I don’t feel they were something we couldn’t work on. He lost his dad about a month before the break up, so I feel that might be part of the cause of the split. I went through the same thing when I lost my dad. I want to fix things with us, but I don’t know how to go about doing it exactly. At some point I plan on moving back there, maybe next spring or summer. But how can I start getting things moving even though its long distance? I made all the really bad mistakes that sabotage repairing things. During that time though he would always say “right now” or “for now” but never its over. He said he hoped we could work things out and things didn’t end horribly between us. However, he has started talking to someone new. Actually within about two weeks after the breakup. What should I do? I’m going to be going out there to visit some friends, so should I try to see him? It will be a while before I can go out there again because of the weather. Is is possible to rekindle being this far away? Right now I’m losted and don’t know what to do. Please help.
helloo essy,
well i need your advice
ive been dating this guy for two months and everything went just perfect untill a week ago he told me he wanted to end the relationship because he didnt know what to do with his life (no idea) that he wanted to get a scholar ship in football and wanted to get into it more blah blah blah and that he didnt want to dissapoint me in the future and i was like ok i love you and is your dessicion. we sopped contacting until his friends started telling me thet he returned with he 14 month EX!! wich he chatead a long time a go and she decided to give him a second chance. i
am so freaking down….. the worst of all is that he sees me like an idiot and thinks i dont know and wont tell me but we still chat and go on plans with friends like nothing happend . anyway i want him back but i dont think is possible he being back with his 14 month ex … how can i compare to that?
i still love him
do you think i still have hope
I have had a 3 year relationship with my current partner but last month he told me he didn’t feel the same way for me anymore. We are in a long distance relationship and I don’t know how to fix things because he is someone I love more than anything in my life, I don’t know what I would do if he goes. Please give me an email where I can explain the situation because I am in huge need of advice, I’m suffering so much that I don’t know where to turn for help.
Hi Essy,
I am really glad I found your site. The problem with my ex and i is that i cheated on him. i came clean and for the rest of a year we have been trying to make something work, a friendship of sorts. i cheated so i was willing to fight for him and he knew this. i watched as i was deleted from his life little by little but i wanted to keep fighting. i know he loves me, its not something that he just tells me, but something that i see in him. now, everytime we are together, it is amazing. we act as we are together and we have an amazing time. The problem is that the time spent in between our dates is usually a month or longer. I often lose all strength and call him crying. I know, really weak on my end. I know he is scared and often wants to keep a distance because of what i did and his inability to get passed it. I’m stuck. i want to be with him. we both know we are good together but as soon as it gets to that “safe” point, he pulls away. I would really appreciate some insight.
hope to hear from you soon. take care
I think all these fantastic things you say are great and have been helping me live my life. I took your advice and bought the Jemma guide. I have been reading it and find that it is fantastic and hope that it will help me win my ex back but of course am skeptical if it will work for me. Not only did we break up but we did the whole push and pull situation where he came back and left again. He told me he didn’t want to be friends or see me for a while and said this was the last time he and i would ever be together. I know that alot of it was out of anger and him just saying things, but i just want to make sure before i invest hope in this guide that it can help with a situation like mine.
Thank you for your time Essy
HEY there! i have a HUGE problem and i could really really use advice on what to do. I recently stayed in contact with my boyfriend whom lives in a nother state right now and he would call me everynight before bed and we would talk for a half hour before haning up and this was consistant for weeks and then last week thursday i talked to him and he told me how he still loved me and he wanted to fly me out to where he was so we could work on things and then he said he was going hunting and i wouldnt hear from him for a few days like all weekend. Well when i didnt hear from him on monday i got worried that something happend so i texted him and got nothing so i just assumed he was still hunting well then i didnt get anything from him for 7 more days and i called and texted and got nothing and then all of a sudden to day he says he doesnt want to be with me anymore, that he is done and that he is sorry he just doesnt want to do “us” anymore….i was completely caught off guard and have been bawling nonstop.i just want to know what went wrong in the few days he didnt talk to me. In my mind i think he met someone else but he wont tell me if he did……i want him back but i am not sure what to do if he lives in a whole other state or if i should just learn to get on with out him ( fall out of love with him
) which i dont want to do……….i need advice! help please i am going NUTS!
I have tried all these tips and still my ex is not coming back… I tried bagging him at first i did all the wrong things then i left him alone… then 2 weeks after i gave him his space and i seen him at a bday party he walked up and hugged me and asked me how i was doing and that was it… we didn’t talk at all other then that! i love this man more then anything in the hole world! I did so much for him from making him lunches and washing his bedding and closthes, buying him food for his house at times too. I have no idea how to get him back now so i need help cuz this is the man that i want to spend the rest of my life with!! There is one thing we fought all the time about one girl that was texting him all the time(she was trying to break us up)… Which lead to the break up… and when we did talk when i was bagging him to come back we just fought the hole time it has now been over 2 months and i still i love with him and want him back… Please help me!
Hey Essy-
I have a problem with an ex-boyfriend…we have been broken up for about a year and half but we have remained friends….with benefits. He has dated several other girls since me and has cheated on them all with me, including one time while his current gf was outside washing her car and we were upstairs. I am friends with both him and his gf, and it makes things awkward. We broke up for a specific reason and it haunts me to this day. He gets mad if I date someone else but it’s okay for him to do it. I am so confused with him, and I have no idea what to do. Please help!
Hey Essy!
I’m so confused, I have no idea what I should do!
so here’s my story : My ex and I got really close before we started dating, we became bestfriends. When he started to realize he was developing feelings for me though, he tried to run away from his feelings, and then stop contact with me.. this was for like 3 months. Then all of a sudden, he came back and started talking to me and a month later, we started dating. We know each other soo well, and are comfortable with each other and can really be ourselves. So like 3 and a half months into our relationship, he tells me he’s in love with me, and that I’ve become an important part of his life, and that he’s been too afraid to tell me. Three days later, he breaks up with me. NO IDEA WHY.. but he did.. it’s been six months since then, and my roommate even had a talk with him, and he said that he still thinks about me when he’s with a group of people, he thinks “what would it be like if she was here? or why is she still in my head?”, he also thinks there’s a bubble of me around him. I don’t think he’s lost complete feelings for me, but I do know he’s getting close to this freshman girl who is SOOO not his type! I really want him back! He wasn’t just my boyfriend, he was my bestfriend too, we trusted each other with so much! What should I do to try and get him back? In the past six months, his boys have gotten really close to me as well, all of our friends think he’s an idiot for breaking up with me, but now I just need to get him to realize it.. so what should i do?? My ex is a guy who has been hurt before.. he’s said “im in love with you” to two other girls before me, and in both those situations he got his heart broken.. and he said it to me, and just left.. idk what to do :/
Hey,
I would really like your help and please don’t judge me.
I cant afford the full book no matter how badly I want it. I also don’t own a credit card
but maybe you could help me out.
my boyfriend and best friend of 2 years broke up with me two weeks ago we still talk all the time and he says i know him to well and he dosent want to lose me forever he still wants to be best friends but he wants to see other people i text him alot so i messed up on that i will definatly stop that now
BUT ! last weekend i went over to his apartment and we hooked up and cuddled all night among other things. I only did this because he told me the same night he still loved me and he wanted me and wanted to date me and then the next morning after wakeing up in his arms i went to reasure that we were together and he said no we are just friends and that he wanted to still see other people and didnt want to be tied down in a relationship even though his feelings were still so strong for me i dont understand
if you could help it would mean the world to me.
And if I can figure out another way to buy the book i really would he means the world to me and he is teasing me and i just want him to stop playing games and mean what he says
Thank you
-Megs
hey so im not sure if im doing the right things right now, my boyfriend of six months and i just broke up a few days ago, and i have been so miserable and the first night after it happened i texted him a bit and then i stopped talking to him like your video said.
but he lives forty five minutes away from me and i didnt have a car till now and he said he couldnt do the distance and he said we fought quiet a bit (but most couples do) and he just kinda lefted it at that and he said he doesnt feel it anymore. he finally deleted me off facebook today, but i expected him to do it right after it happened. i have been putting up post about funny things and being in a good mood and being with my friends. and it feels like he did it because he misses me. i sure hope im doing the right thing because i miss him a lot and would do anything to be in his arms again
your video helped me to not contact him or anything
please tell me if im doing something wrong
hei i bought the book from jermima. its really good i learned a lot.. put i was thinking you read a lot of books, is there any in between you can recomendt if its to learn form the relationship. with all the communication methods and theries and exampels on behavior and stuff. not so much get him back steps but the depere in seing what went wrong and how can i change…
marianne
I am at my wits end my boyfriend finished with me just a week ago and i am truly devasted. He even told me the night before he finished it i love you baby and i always will. Then the next day he just finished it with me i totally cant understand . We are still in regular contact but i dont think he wants me back he has never asked me back. We shared 2 1/2 years together of which we were completely in love. He always talked bout how much he loved me and that we had made it and that he would marry me which was only a few months ago. I am really confused as i love him soo much that i feel like he is the one although i am afraid of pushing him away do i tell him how i feel are do i leave it. i feel that if i dont tell him that i may just regret it for the rest of my life.
Well my boyfriend broke up with me a little less then a week ago and I am really depressed. We have been together for 10 months and our 11 month was coming up on the 30th. He broke up with me many times but he always came back to me but this time I don’t think his going to come back. He lives 30 mins away from me so it’s not like I see him or anything. The only contact I have with him is Facebook. But we haven’t talked at all after we broke up. But I Take advantage of having him as a facebook friend. I act like I’m happy even though he left him and stuff. I want him back! I want him crawling back to me. Like your example the girl took salsa classes, I’m taking ballroom dancing and he knows about it but he hasnt showed if he cares or not. I really don’t know what to do next. I don’t want it to be too late. Please help me!!!! Thank You!
Hey Essy,
I have a bad case of breakups. Recently, I got together with a friend of mine on my birthday (cute right?) and everything was going AMAZING. Come time to a few weeks ago, i did the worst thing a girl can do, complain about her boyfriend not being able to see her and take it out on him while i JUST started my period :/ Ouch right? He took a major blow with my complaint and it happened two days in a row. The third day, he broke up with me. I was so devistated and heartbroken. I really ended up falling for the guy is what I realized and why i was acting the way I was. I tried explaining to him that it was my fault for being unreasonable and that i shouldn’t hound him for things he cannot control. Unfortunatly that still didn’t bring him back. I posted said things about him on facebook like any other person does these days, proclaiming my sadness hoping he would see it and realize what he did (now i know that’s a HUGE red flag). He still texted me every other day like nothing happened and finally i told him that i wanted to see him. We hung out the entire day, going shopping, talking, laughing, pretty much acting like boyfriend/girlfriend all over again. By the time i had to leave he kissed my forehead and said “you’ll be alright”. I hugged him and litteraly word-vomitted my feelings out to him telling him how hard i fell for him and that I missed him. A few days later i recieved a 6 paged text saying how much he missed me and wanted to be with me again. I instantly took him back and everything was fine until the days following us getting back together, he wasen’t displaying any form of affection towards me like he used to. I asked him about it and he admitted to not displaying any form of affection and the reason was after a breakup, his feelings get severely altered and now he didnt know how he felt about us being together. The conversation went down hill and ended up in him saying “I really think I would be happier if we were just friends.” Finally i had enough of the technological communication and told him i was coming over to discuss things in person because i told him he was important enough. We talked for an hour and a half, he wouldn’t budge but kept crying. I held him and told him i wouldn’t be mad at him or hate him but that he should really re-consider. Of course him being headstrong about things, he still wouldn’t budge and kept putting up emotional barriers. He hasent talked to me since( this was 2 days ago) and I don’t know what to do. I want him back so badly but dont quite know where to even start cause he’s so set on “being friends” yet is still attracted to me…
Hi Essy,
So my boyfriend and i broke up about 3 months ago and i’m still crazy for him. i’ve never felt this way about anoyone before. and i’ve gotten to the point where i just want nothing more than to get him back.
So i was his first real girlfriend. i was his first kiss and he’s 16(kinda cute in my opinion,haha) we just had a real connection and part of me feels like we should be together. we had these great plans to go to the same college together,though he’s just one year older than me. but we had a summer romance and then it ended once we went back to school. he met a bunch of my friends,and i met his. and still till this day he occasionally will talk to my friends,and he wouldn’t know them if it wasn’t for me. and we’ll talk once every 3-4 weeks or so. our last conversation was great. he brought up old things we used to tease each other about during our relationship. and he got really jealous when some other guy was trying to date me.
i just really want him back and i would love some help on how to do so.
thank you so much.
My story is a little different, but I really need some advice. My daughter’s boyfriend broke up with her almost 3 months ago after being together for a year and a half. They were extremely close and he was also very close with my husband and I . He spent a lot of time at our house and he went on vacations with us (he comes from a family that never had opportunities to travel). She is a sophmore in college and he is a freshman in college. They were both very good kids and were so happy together (most of the time). They didn’t party, they had so much fun together regardless of what they were doing. They talked about marriage and he told her he knew exactly how he was going to propose to her. They broke up a couple times, but always remained friends and it never lasted long. He always told her that they were meant to be together and that if they every broke up he would find her someday because she needed to know that she was the only girl for him and that he would marry her one day. They had a fight one day and broke up then my daughter heard a rumor and confronted him. He swore on his mother’s life (he is a momma’s boy for sure and always said that nobody would come before his mom until he got married) that it wasn’t true. He called her in tears begging her to believe him. He sent her a text message saying that he would die without her and that he would propose to her if that is what he needed to do for her to stay with him. Told her he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and that he wanted to have beautiful children with her. They continued to talk and argue for about a week and then he told her that she needed to leave him alone. He loved and missed her but it’s over and she needs to respect that. The whole thing devastated her and my husband and myself. We found out that he was starting to party at school which was also devastating. A few weeks later they both went to a concert but not together and she texted him saying she had thought about him and hoped that he had a good time and he responded saying that he thought about her also. No more contact until Christmas (about 3 1/2 weeks later) when he texted her saying Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Part of the problem, I believe, was me. I would text him without my daughter knowing and most of the time everything would go fine. He would just say he needed time because he didn’t want to hurt her anymore. The times that the conversation didn’t go well, I would always apologize, but I also know that I was probably a little over bearing. I was so hurt for my daughter and because we welcomed him into the family and did everything for him. My daughter was also very close with his mom and texts with her once in a while. She was devastated about the break up as well. She said college changed him.
He is now trying to become close with some of his old friends that he stopped hanging out with because they started drinking and smoking pot which he wasn’t interested in. Unfortunately, he is doing those things now. It almost seems like he went off to college and decided he didn’t want to grow up like he wanted to go back in time with his old buddies.
They both seem to be doing ok without the other now and my daughter says she is over it, but I believe she is lying to herself. She loved him with everything she had and I believe you only love like that once in a lifetime. I have prayed daily that God would bring him back to her. Do you think there is any hope? Do you think there is anything she can do at this point?
Hi Esmeralda!
Thank you so much for giving me hope to get my boyfriend back! After watching your video on youtube, I start to wonder what I could do, and then I bought the ”Win him back system”
And now I’m on the “No contact rule” This is so hard because Im afraid, like all other girls are. And one ting Im relly afraid of is sending him the letter.
I have a cuple of questions:
Did this really work for you and youre boyfriend?
Did you send him the letter?
My biggest wish is to have him back, and him to want me back.
Hope to hear from you!
p.s i bougt the system yesterday!
-Marie
Hi Essy, During the start my ex-boyfriend made all effort with me and always talked to me first as I wasn’t interested in him much…but as I got to know him I realised how much I liked him and we were seeing each other for 2 months and were officially together for 2 months so I know it’s not as long as most relationships but I miss him quite a lot. He gave me all the typical excuses such as “it’s not you it’s me” “you deserve better” “I don’t feel the connection I did at the start” …and I was left heartbroken and I have to admit I did all the things that you have mentioned I shouldn’t but I was in pieces…it’s been 2 months since and I still haven’t gotten over it and just want him back in my life but sometimes he’s acting like my friend and at other times ignores me :S I’m so confused and desperately need help…we still have each others things…shall I follow the rules you gq e advised? Because I want him back…and what shall I do with his things? I really need some help because I feel so lost and would appreciate it so much if you could reply, thankyouu so much x
Hi Essy, I recently split from my boyfriend of 3 years.We broke up because he has been really depressed (he has a hard family life and his dad has been in/out of the hospital). He has a hard time reaching out to anyone and spends most of his time alone in his room asleep. He started ignoring almost everyone including me so we broke up cuhs he felt like he was being a shitty boyfriend. I have been using the no contact rule for about four days now, the first day I started it he texted me but I didn’t reply. My friend is in a simalar situation and she has been using it too, but now she’s questioning whether it will make them think we don’t care by doing this. Should we continue?
xx Sarah