How To Win Back Your Ex Boyfriend’s Heart (My No-Nonsense Guide)

Ice Cream = comfort food following relationship breakupHey girl, I’m so glad you found your way here. I know you are hurting right now, and probably all you want to do is curl up on the couch and eat ice cream.

But good for you! You made the decision to sit down at your computer and search for answers. You are trying to take control of your situation. That is the first and hardest step.

Warning! Bad Advice Is Everywhere

If you take only one thing away from the Guide, it is this.

There’s a LOT of bad breakup advice out there (particularly on the internet) and it makes me so sad when I see girls ruin their chances of ever repairing their relationship by taking advice that is just plain WRONG.

So be very careful whose advice you choose to take about winning back your guy. Getting your ex boyfriend back is a very real possibility, but you must follow the right plan.

That’s why I’m so glad you found my site – I’ve been in your shoes before, and I’ve had the privilege of speaking with thousands of girls on this site who have been struggling through a breakup. I’ve come to know what works, and what doesn’t.

3 Sources Of Bad Breakup Advice You Must Avoid:

  • Your Friends – they are there for you, but they don’t want to see you even more hurt. So they sugar-coat any advice they give.
  • Most Internet Articles – half of them are written by shady marketers trying to sell dubious ebooks. The other half are often written by interns/paid writers who simply re-word what they found in a quick Google search.
  • Yourself – you are often your own worst enemy. Let’s talk about this some more…

Don’t Listen To Your Gut Feelings

Avoid acting on gut instincts if you want to get your ex backA good rule of thumb when making any decision is to always trust your gut instincts. Most of the time it will serve you well.

But not for breakups!

This is one time where your gut instincts are absolutely wrong. If you want to win back your boyfriend’s love, you must consciously act differently to what your heart is telling you to do. With all the confusing emotions running through your body, acting on instinct is going to make you appear desperate and crazy in the eyes of your ex.

Example – You call him when you know your shouldn’t

When you get emotional thinking about your ex boyfriend, your first instinct is to pick up the phone and call him. You find his voice reassuring, and in your head you believe that there’s some combination of words that you could say that will change his mind about the two of you.

You know deep-down that this is going to come across as needy and desperate. But you do it anyway!

In fact, a good 60% of the plan to win back your ex boyfriend simply involves cutting out the mistakes you naturally make in the wake of a breakup. Don’t worry if you’ve made these mistakes already, most girls do. What is important is that as of right now, you stop doing them.

Guys Never Take A Girl Back Out Of Pity

Don't let your ex boyfriend see you desperate and needy

Guys don't dig this look

It’s natural to feel the urge to beg and plead for your ex boyfriend back.

You care about him and you can’t imagine life without him. And on some level you want to prove to him how much he means to you by being up in his face begging for him back.

But, it’s the worst thing you can do right now. At the exact moment that he want some space from you, you are in fight-for-your-life mode trying to save the relationship. All this will do is push him further away.

Timing is important here

Once he has made the decision to end the relationship, there is a period of time where no amount of pleading on your part will make any difference. Jemima Fox – who is an expert in the psychology of breakups – calls this the “irrational escalation of commitment”.

Put simply, it means that in his own head, he needs to stick to the decision he has made (even if it turns out to be the wrong decision), because he doesn’t want to be seen to be indecisive. Guys have a built-in instinct to want to be seen as strong and in control.

Due to the ‘irrational escalation of commitment’ concept, you should always leave at least 4 weeks between the breakup and any attempt to win back your guy.

The best thing you can do during this period is to limit contact with him. By limiting contact, you achieve two things:

  • You cut out looking desperate/needy whenever you contact him.
  • You give your ex time to get over his commitment to his decision to break up with you.

The idea of a No Contact Rule has become popular in my forums, but a lot of girls miss the point and get it wrong.

The Myth Of The No Contact Rule

The No Contact rule is there to make you a more calm and collected personIf you are not already familiar with the No Contact Rule, it is the idea that you should go completely silent on your ex and not contact him under any circumstances.

Most girls do it in an attempt to make their ex jealous or to make him think you are over him. This is the wrong approach, and will fail 9 times out of 10.

The purpose of the no contact rule is so that you stop making mistakes that damage your chances of getting him back, to give him time to get over his commitment to his decision to break up, and…

To give you emotional space from him such that you can become a calmer, more collected person.

I Prefer The “Limited Contact” Rule

The limited contact rule means that if your ex contacts you, you are allowed to reply, but you are limited to what you can say. But you should never be the one to get in contact with him. So no drunk-dials, no text messaging him out of the blue etc.

There is one exception to this however, and it is when you are just starting the Limited Contact period. You are allowed to send him one text.

You can send him this text when starting out: “I just want you to know I’m going to stop contacting you for a while. It’s not because I’ve moved on or because I don’t have feelings for you anymore, because I do. It’s just not fair on either of us, and we both need space from each other.”

A lot of girls like this approach of mine, because they are apprehensive that by suddenly cutting off all contact from your ex, he’s going to forget about you or think that you’ve moved on from him.

It also makes it more likely that you are going to stick to limiting contact with him, because you just told him that’s what you are going to do!

Under what circumstances are you allowed to contact him?

I recommend limiting contact from your ex boyfriend for at least 4 weeks, and even up to 8 weeks if you still don’t quite feel calmer and more in control of your life.

During this period, you should only contact him if HE is the one to initiate contact with you, whether it be a phone call or a text (if he calls, don’t pick up).

If he does get in touch, then you can reply by text.

Your reply should reinforce your decision to limit contact with him. Regardless of what he says, say something along the lines of: “Thanks. But I was serious when I said I needed space from you. Perhaps we can talk in a few weeks, but not right now. I hope that’s ok.”

Can you see why this is an effective strategy? It puts you in control, not in a manipulative way, but in a way that communicates to him that you are a strong character and that you’re not going to run back to him at the drop of a hat. Guys crave this.

Part II

We’ve just covered some of the more pressing things you need to on your quest to get your ex boyfriend back. Things like:

  • Being careful which advice you choose to take (thankfully you’ve stumbled on a great site here that is here to help you out).
  • Giving your ex boyfriend time to cool down and get over his commitment to his own decision to end your relationship.
  • Avoiding making decisions based on gut instinct – breakups are an emotional rollercoaster, and this does not lead to good decision-making
  • Limiting contact with your ex (and the reasons why), but not just dropping off the face of the planet.

The fact is, thousands of couples get back together every day, even after the most brutal of breakups. You and your ex boyfriend share strong emotional ties to each other, there might be resentment between you right now, but that fades with time. Getting your boyfriend back is very possible if you want it and you are smart about it.

In Part II I talk about some of the strategies I used during my own breakup that worked well. I also point you in the direction of a couple of resources I found useful if you want to get really specific tactics to get your boyfriend back.

Click Here For Part II

{ 266 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Maddie January 3, 2011 at 12:19 am

Hi Essy,

My boyfriend of 6 months has broken up with me and I am heartbroken. I didn’t realize how much emotion I felt for him until now. I have already broken all the rules by contacting him. I’ve gone from crying, to anger to screaming abuse at him, to begging him to give us another chance (which he won’t do).

Basically I was just insecure for the whole of the relationship and would get mad and threaten to leave him. He would always beg me to stay but I guess he had enough. We had a really big fight just after Christmas in which I physically hit him. I absolutely regret that and everything I said to him. I think I get scared or hurt and then lash out.

He said he needs space and that we won’t be getting back together. He says something inside him has changed and he doesn’t know if it’ll come back. He described it as going from having 100% strong feelings for me to only having 80%, and that the 20% is now a tangled knot that he cannot seem to get rid of.

Here’s the twist – we spent New Year’s Eve together (as friends) and, well, you can probably guess – he kissed me so passionately at midnight and we went on to sleep together twice. But he still says he just wants to be friends and wants me in his life as a friend. Please help me.

Do you think its worth me trying to get him back? I love him so much, my heart literally feels broken. I’m not going to contact him anymore but we don’t have mutual friends so there is no way of me seeing him. He claims that he wants to meet and talk when he comes back from skiing. I’m worried that he’s dwelling on the negatives about me (insecure, temper, moody) and isn’t going to remember the fun we had. I just don’t know what to do.

Thanks Essy, you’re the best. Maddie xx


2 Lee Ann Lowman May 6, 2011 at 4:51 am

I would like to hear the answer to this question too. It’s 100% the same reason for me.


3 Brittney May 17, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Yeah, this answer would help me a lot also. The same thing happened to me. I still have to see his face everyday.

- Brittney.


4 Anastasia September 4, 2011 at 11:07 am

I need to hear the answer to this too. My boyfriend of a year and a half left me for another girl last night, because he got tired of my threats to leave him. He’s meant for me, help please!!!


5 Essy Redfield January 9, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Hi guys

Yes, this is a very common pattern in breakups. It goes like this:

1. You break up with your boyfriend.
2. You become sad/angry/mad/resentful/hysterical.
3. You beg for him back.
4. He says his feelings have changed and he doesn’t want you back.
5. You don’t know what to do.
6. (optional) You sleep with him, but remain apart.

For girls reading this who are at Stages 2 & 3, I hope you can see that you need to stop this behavior immediately. It is very counter-productive and will only serve to push your ex boyfriend further away from you.

If you’ve already made those mistakes, you still need to stop doing them. The longer you’ve made those mistakes, the longer you need to implement the Limited Contact period.

His reaction in Stage 4 is a result of Stages 2 and 3. You still have a chance because you share emotional connections with each other, and feelings are easily re-ignited. But time is needed. You need to give enough time such that you feel like you are almost starting from scratch with him.

I get a lot of girls get in touch saying “Help, I slept with my ex, but he won’t get back together with me.”

Girls can easily convince themselves that sleeping with their ex is a good strategy to getting him back. It is, however, the opposite. That’s because you give up all the power/control when you sleep with him. You give him everything he wants (hassle-free sex) without requiring anything in return.

You need sexual tension and emotional tension between the two of you to re-ignite the flame, but when you sleep with him, that tension gets released. Does that make sense?

The upshot for other girls reading this – don’t ever sleep with your ex if you have any desire to get back together with him.

So my advice, Maddie, is to take a long break from communicating with him. Go and have some fun and decide if this is really worth fighting for after all.

Essy x


6 Lynea January 3, 2011 at 12:24 am

I have a question as to the rules. I’m proud to say I haven’t broken any of them. The guy I have been seeing for about 6 weeks suddenly broke it off last night. He was quite out of character.

He has acting a little hurt – I’m not sure why – which led to him saying some hurtful things. I was trying to talk it out when he accused me of acting too needy which struck a cord because I pride myself on not being just that, so I turned, walked away and didn’t look back.

An hour or so later he texts me this: “Sorry I need to deal with me. You are awesome, but I want to be true to you and myself, sorry” I didn’t reply to this as i have no idea to the meaning, nor as i mentioned above I haven’t tried contacting him at all, he hasn’t either.

I have never felt this way about a guy before, which freaks me out in the first place, but I really think there’s something there. I can feel him falling in love with me. I don’t know if he’s scared but I really don’t know what to do or say at this point, or what I should say to him when we do see each other next.



7 Essy Redfield January 9, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Hi Lynea

Thanks for getting in touch. You might not like my advice on this one, but it comes from speaking to lots of girls like you – my rule of thumb is that if the relationship is less than 3 months (at a minimum), and you break up, it’s probably not going to work out in the long-run.

The first 3 months of a relationship is very much the honeymoon phase. If one or both of you ends things, then there are likely underlying compatibility issues, or alternatively he’s just not ready to settle down yet.

Keep your head up and move on with dignity I say :)


8 Brittney N January 3, 2011 at 12:25 am

I had a complicated break up with my ex of over 4 years. Before we completely broke up, he got into a relationship with another girl. The girl (Amanda) and I were talking a bit at the time, but it ended in her lying to him and making everything worse.

I have read a lot on “rebound” relationships, but I am not sure if his relationship with Amanda would be a rebound relationship. I know you are very busy and get a lot of emails, I was just hoping to get some help. My friends will only tell me what they think I want to hear with this.

I need someone that can be blunt and honest with me about it. I hope to hear back from you soon.


9 Essy Redfield January 9, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Whether we call them ‘rebound’ or not, the vast majority of relationships immediately following a significant breakup are failures. The reason for this is that with your breakup at the forefront of his mind, he simply doesn’t have “long term commitment” at the top of his priorities right now, and as such he is likely to be less picky over the girl he chooses (i.e. the two of them are less likely to be compatible).

If I put my ‘blunt and honest’ cap on for a moment, I’d have to ask you, did the two of you breakup BECAUSE of Amanda? If so, then this is a different situation.


10 usagi898 February 18, 2012 at 5:51 pm


I need help. I have done a lot of stupid things to put me where I am now. In August of 2011 I backstabbed my boyfriend on accident by telling his friends personal information about him. I only did this because I wanted outside advice on what I should do to fix my relationship. They, in turn, told him everything I talked to them about. My boyfriend does not trust me, I live with him and he wants me to move out but I can’t due to financial problems. He doesn’t enjoy being around me like he used to when we first started dating, and its at the point now where if I make one more mistake he will end our relationship. I’m so scared and I don’t trust anyone anymore about getting advice. I love my boyfriend, but he has lost hope in me changing and he is not happy with me. He said the only thing that is keeping him with me is that he loves me and cares deeply for me, and this is causing him to not think logically. He said if he was thinking logically, then he would have dumped me a while ago, but he said he is still holding onto me hoping that we can still be together and that I will change. What should I do? We are not broken up, but if any little thing happens we will be soon and I am scared of losing him. He is my first boyfriend and my first love and I want to show him that I can be the girl he first fell in love with.

Please help


11 Neidy January 3, 2011 at 12:26 am

My boyfriend broke up with me last night because he told me he hasn’t felt love for me the same way as before in a long time. We’ve been together three, almost four years, since 10th grade and this came as a HUGE surprise to me since I had no idea what was going on inside his head.

I recently developed anxiety and panic attack disorder. I would be very irritable and want to stay at home all day and lack motivation. He said this caused him to drift apart. I was hurt, I was there when he was going through depression and I stood by and helped him but I feel like he gave up on me getting better. He said he gave up. That there was something inside of him that changed. I asked if anything I could do to help him regain that feeling. I would try to go back to how I used to be before, but he said it was too late.

I am heartbroken. I don’t and have never had girlfriends to turn to. My anxiety has been making this so much worse. My whole world feels like its over, everything I was so sure of is gone.

He was my rock these past 4 years.

I find myself thinking about calling him so he can come comfort me like always but then I remember he’s the one that’s causing me pain.

I don’t know what to do.


12 Britany January 3, 2011 at 1:03 am

I really want my ex-boyfriend back, I miss him so much it hurts. It has been months since he broke up with me.

He broke up with me because he didn’t love me anymore, but he didn’t actually say flat-out “I don’t love you anymore”. He didn’t tell me face-to-face either, which is making this whole process of getting over him more difficult. I remained friends with his Mom because she is such a great person and she told me that we were such a great match together. She is missed me coming by the house, but now I’m starting to hang out with her more and more.

I tried being friends with my ex-boyfriend but when he started dating my ex-best friend things just couldn’t work out that way. It was too painful. Eventually they broke up about a month later but I always knew something was going on between them. She couldn’t keep her hands off him, after the multiple times I’ve tried to get her to back off.

Recently I told him I give up, I didn’t tell him why but he should know perfectly well us being friends isn’t going to work. But just seeing him on what would have been our 1 year anniversary, seeing the way he looked at me made me want to try again to get him back.

I really want some advice, because I don’t know what to do anymore :(


13 Essy Redfield January 9, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Hi Britany

It sounds like you’re hurting and I really feel for you. Stay strong girl!

One small piece of advice – I recommend distancing yourself from his Mom, even if you are fond of her. If he finds out you’ve been spending time with her, it’s going to really freak him out.


14 Fran January 3, 2011 at 1:04 am

Hi Essy,

I have come to this page quite a few times but not decided until now to follow your advice.

I will give you a quick summary of my situation.

Jason (my ex boyfriend) and I started seeing each other almost 2 years ago. It started out as friends with benefits but I allowed my feelings to run wild.

Our relationship has always been rocky but I love him. I know the problems we had are not all my fault but he tries to make me feel like they are. I have trust issues because of past relationships and have caught him calling other girls with my cell phone. He says they are just friends.

So the past few days he has been acting stand-offish. I did find out he was talking to another girl again who he says is just an old friend. Then he got mad because I checked th e call log then called the number and a got a girls voice on the voicemail. l have been called a fruit loop, stalker and psycho. Sorry but my instinct told me something was not right and I dug until I found what I was looking for.

Today I took the cell phone back from him, gave him a 2nd line on my plan, and he said he would not call me anymore if I took the phone. I took it anyhow because he keeps calling other girls on it.

So if I pull back, make no contact and not be desperate, is there hope? Things used to be great, we had so much fun. I want that back. I think being unpredictable will help too, he seems to have my next move down to a T !!

I plan on following your advice…except for Salsa lessons. I think the gym will be better for me.

Thanks for listening and any advice will be appreciated. I really love your guide on winning him back.

Thank you,



15 Essy Redfield January 11, 2012 at 7:14 pm

If he is on your cell phone plan, then you are perfectly entitled to take the phone from him.

The gym is a good idea, really get those endorphins going. I recommend salsa to other people due to the social aspect also.

Follow the advice on this site and good luck!


16 Olivia January 3, 2011 at 1:05 am

I need your help =(

The thing is, I don’t know if this applies to my breakup (and I understand that the ground rules are universal so I have kept to them).

Deeply in love, we both decided it was better to take a break because I felt more like a burden to him because he has big things going on in his life and he never seems to have his attention on me and just doesn’t call or talk anymore…

I took the break so that he could get on with his life and I could get on with mine without the worry of being his burden and renew his love for me (basically get him to appreciate me) and then go back to him with a fresh start… of course I knew there was always a chance the break would be permanent…

Then this other guy has come along, basically the same, and I decided that because this guy was better for me, I would ask my current boyfriend to either fight for me, or send me away (so a break up) and he wanted what was best for me so we split up.

An hour later and I’m hating what I’ve done, even though I like this other guy a lot… it hurt me a lot when when my boyfriend didn’t fight for me because, as I said, I like this other guy… but I guess a part of me wanted him to fight for me. And now I’m heart broken.

I told him briefly on a text that I did feel bad about it. But was going to move on… and then I looked at your video and it’s amazing.

any help you could give me would be so appreciated as I’m now struggling on whether I do go for this new guy. Or get back to my ex.

Thank you, xx


17 Essy Redfield January 11, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Hey girl, it sounds like you’ve put your ex boyfriend up on a pedestal, and that you think he is better than you. This probably came across in the relationship. If he didn’t fight for you, then the love probably isn’t as deep as you first thought.

Why don’t you see where this new relationship takes you. Worst case scenario, it doesn’t work out, and it’ll likely make your ex a little bit jealous.


18 Mackenzie January 3, 2011 at 1:06 am

Essy, I dated my ex for about a year and a half. We broke up at the beginning of the summer. He went to college and I’m currently a senior.

I was in love with him, and he was in love with me. He broke up with me over the summer because he was going to college at an ivy league school. We continued to talk, and of course I poured my guts out to him on how much I love him, and want to date again.

He told me he didn’t want to get back together because he is too busy in college. This made me so upset, that I started freaking out on him, saying how much I hate him, and never wanted to see him again. Maybe i’m bipolar when it comes to texting him, because I seem to do this a lot lately, now that he is gone, and then always end up apologizing to him.

My ex just came home last week for christmas break, we hung out yesterday, and surprisingly it wasn’t awkward. I felt like I had that spark with him again. Once I left we started talking about dating again…well i tried to convince him on dating again. He told me that he doesn’t want a girlfriend right now, and that relationships are too much of an obligation.

I want him to love me again. He’s my best friend, and I love everything about him, his personality, his family, everything! How can I make him see that we are right for each other? Or have him want to get back with me? Also, how are relationships too much of an obligation?


19 Meme January 3, 2011 at 1:09 am

My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. Now I find out that he’s going out with another girl that he was interested in before me. She didn’t want him back then, he used to tell me that they were just friends.

They work together, I accepted that they were friends, and that she calls him late at night. They used to go out. Once he told me that they were going out with another friend, but now I think that they went alone. And now they are together.

We had a relationship that lasted 8 months. We fought a lot. But we were in love (at least I think so). He told me he needs a break. Actually i broke up with him, but I used to say that a lot and he used to come back. He never said yes to break ups, but I’m sure now he’s not coming back to me back this other girl wants him.


20 Kaitlyn January 3, 2011 at 1:10 am

Hi Essy,

I’ve read your article and watched your videos but I was wondering if you thought I could get my bf back. We were crazy in love, he suddenly broke up with me because he didn’t feel the same way anymore and he “blindly follows his feelings”. He did this right after saying he wanted a long term relationship. What should I do to get him back?


21 jodi January 3, 2011 at 1:12 am


I just read through your post on how to get an ex-boyfriend back. I however did all the wrong things and now trying to see how I can fix that?

My boyfriend and I dated for about 15 months. We grew very close way too quickly and he basically moved in with me right away. So I was used to being with him all the time. We broke up about 3 months ago and I miss him terribly. I think I am over the feeling lonely because he was no longer here, but I truly miss him as a person and being an important part of my life.

We completely stopped talking and I drove him nuts with my texts messages – so he changed his number. I do not have his number, which I guess is a good thing, but I do have his home number which I did call after we broke up two or three times, but he never called me back.

I then began sending him emails, all which he ignored. I changed my own cell number about 2 months ago and wondered if he ever tried to call, but I would have no way of knowing. He hasn’t ever replied to my emails and I really wanted to email him for the holidays, but felt I shouldn’t.

I am finally to the point where I know I need to not contact him but it is driving me nuts because I so badly want him to see that I want to work things out and have him back in my life. Now that I did everything wrong, what can I do to fix this and try to get him back? Please help.


22 CM January 3, 2011 at 1:14 am

Hey Essy,

I don’t know if you get on her anymore, but I just read your tips. This is advice is so right.

However, I have a horrible time following it. I dated this guy for about a month and I am completely crazy about him. He always told me how I was the best thing to happen to him and the sweetest stuff. He told me any guy was stupid if they every broke up with me. His track record with girls is not too impressive so a lot of people were shocked that I even liked him.

He was seriously the most genuine and loving person I have ever met. He doesn’t come from a very good family and would talk to me sometimes about how he knew I was too good for him.

One day he randomly broke up with me because he said he could never give me what I wanted and he didn’t want a girlfriend. He likes to party and go out with his friends and hasn’t had a girlfriend in 2 years so I think he is just really scared of commitment. I’ve already broken all your rules but tonight we decided to start over as friends and see where that takes us.

Any more advice? I need some serious help with this because I am so confused.




23 Essy Redfield January 11, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Hey girl, it is useful to try and separate out the reasons for the breakup with the reasons HE GIVES for the breakup.

Most of the time they are not the same. He will sugar-coat the reasons so as not to hurt your feelings (and make it easier for himself).


24 Vanessa January 3, 2011 at 1:18 am

Hi there, I read your advice on break ups.

My boyfriend of 4.5 years has broken up with me recently, and it’s very hard. I messed up in the past (not cheating), but he just cannot get over it.

I’ve asked for forgiveness to him and spiritually. He broke up with me last year for 2.5 weeks over the same thing (him not being able to get over the past), but he soon came back after realizing how miserable he was without me.

This time seems a bit different though. About 3-4 weeks ago we got into the argument and he told me that “we’re done” and then he said he needed time and space. So I gave him 2 weeks of no contact, and I then text him little things like “how are you”, “how are exams going” etc.

I called him yesterday at his parents house and he was very short with me, saying maybe we’ll see each other next week when I get back in town. He also said “I told you how I felt a few weeks ago”.

What should i do! I want him back, I love him. We had all these future plans. When I get back into town next week, should I call him and ask for us to meet up so I can get closure on the situation. I just want to know the real reason for our break up…if there’s another woman, etc.

I’d really appreciate your advice!

Thanks so much :)


25 Essy Redfield January 11, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Hi Vanessa

Don’t try too hard, too fast, to win back your boyfriend. Trying to pull him back closer to you is going to push him further away. Give him the gift of missing you. Consider getting Jemima’s Win Him Back program, she gives great reverse psychology techniques to help get your ex to miss you.


26 Victoria January 9, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Hey Essy,

I read your article and it was very helpful! So, my break up wasn’t technically a break up because we were never dating but we sure acted like it. I should start by saying we live in separate states. I met him in June this year because he is my cousin’s bestfriend’s brother and my aunt’s bestfriend’s son. (I hope that isn’t too complicated!) Anyways, we were introduced and he asked for my number. We texted and called eachother that entire summer. At first, I had no feelings for him. He had major insecurity issues as well. But I was bored and he got in contact with me everyday and seemed to really like me. What was I to do? Time progressed and my feelings for him developed. He enjoyed the same music, had an awesome family, had a passion for running/soccer like me, and had the same career ideas. As summer came to an end, he told me that I had really enlightened his summer. He came down to my city for a soccer tournament and took me out on a date. He was very quiet but it turned out to be a fantastic night. We didn’t kiss, but we came close to it. I asked him why when we were on the phone later, and he said that he didn’t want to make things more complicated by making a move and he was scared. He kept talking to me then suddenly told me that he wanted to date me in the future when we would attend the same college, and he had to break off all the flirtatious comments we would make. He said we would keep in contact and he did make the attempt to stay friends. That isn’t the break off I am talking about, unfortunately. Near Halloween, he texted me while I was at a party. I did not reply until hours later. He got really upset, saying he didn’t matter to me anymore and he missed me. I of course, hadn’t gotten over him yet and told him I missed hi m too. We kept talking until I saw him again for Thanksgiving (I visited my family up there) He took me out on a nice dinner date, he took me back to his place, I talked to his mom for a long time, and we watched a movie… During the movie, he made the move and we ended up kissing the entire time. I was his first kiss. After I left, he texted me, telling me how happy he was, and how there was no one else there that even came close to compare to me. He said he wouldn’t dream of hurting me. Yet a week later, he grew distant. He didn’t call me, told me that everything I said was “old” and he didn’t have to try to impress me anymore by being sweet. He said he didn’t understand why I liked him so much. Then acouple weeks later, he told me that it was too hard and we had to end it. I told him to call me and he said he would try some time that week. He never did, and on Christmas I texted him. He acted like everything was normal, then I brought it up. He got upset at me, and said that his feelings for me had changed. I told him about all the things he claimed to believe after our date, and he said that it was in the past. He believed it then, but not anymore. I poured my heart out to him and he just said everything was a mistake. How could he just lose feelings for me like that? I would’ve been better if it was about distance but it was actually about his feelings for me! He told me we should still be friends. I was crushed… He got in contact with me New Years and texted me for two days, but never got back to me on that call. I don’t think he ever will call… Anyways, I will be going up there in Febuary and I want to see him. I want him to actually want to talk to me again. I agree with the distance deal, but if we don’t like anyone else then why should he care if we talk or not? I know he’s not talking to another girl but I’m confused.

One interesting detail I must mention is that he told me about this girl named Christy who he used to really li ke. He said that he used to talk to her like he talked to me (he told me this during our 2nd date) and she moved to Colorado. He said they still talked, but she would give him pathetic answers to stuff, and he said he lost interest in her. Yet, he says she was desperate and moved on to another guy in his city a week later.

This all seems like what’s happening now (excluding the last fact and the fact that I DON’T give pathetic answers)

The reason I’m holding on is because of college. I am not going to end up with anyone here because they are mostly immature, perverted and they are going separate ways in their life. It would be pointless. I have strong feelings for him still and I am afraid that I don’t get over guys easily. I have broke it off with guys in the past, but this seems different.

I want him back. I want him to want me again. What should I do?


27 Reg January 9, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Dear Essy,

I’m a Russian girl living in Germany. I was very happy that I came across your page. My bf broke up with me and I decided to change my situation. I also bought Matt Huston’s book.I applied to all the rules. Didn’t contact him for a month. I was really sure, it’s gonna work.. But it turned out to be much more complecated.

And now I really really need your help, because yes, I broke all the rules! .. I never thought I would ever write a letter like that, but I am desperate! :( (

I’m a young musical theater performer, I’m an attractive girl and lots of guys would love to go on a date with me.

The guy I was dating was totally in love with me!

I met him 1 1/2 years ago on my bday.. I knew he liked me. Somehow I also had him on my facebo ok firendslist, but we never really talked to each other. Once I decied to meet him on a date.

And it was like boom! I fell in love! He really addored me and he was so nice and kind and would sent me 100 sms a day about how much he likes me.. And i really got used to it.And I loved it! But then it happend.

He’s a muscial theater performer and he got a lead role.I was so happy for him. I kept my fingers crossed for him during his auditions- He started rehearsing for this show and dessapeared.. Then he told me he liked me yes, but he doesnt have time to meet anymore or hang out. He has no time he doesn’t even have time for himself. And yes, he needs his space, he’s not sure if I’m the right one for him.And he decided it would be the best for us not to see each other. I know this is a really tough show.. But still.he also deleted me from facebook- It all hurt so much!!

Anyways, I made him a scene.. I send him a couple of angry sms..some bagging sms. I never felt so horrible in my whole life. Then I found your page, so I didnt contacted him for about 3 weeks.. then it was Christmas and i sent him a card telling ” lets just be friends” -but he didnt respond , no thank you, nothing..somehow after that I contacted him a couple more times- no respond.

SO I BROKE ALL THE RULES AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO NOW!! And I also know he didnt really want to break up, but he thought it would be right to break up for his job, like he quit smoking..he was a crzay smoker before, but then he just quit! But I am NOT a cigarette!!

Yes, he IS an idiot, but I still want him back!!

What should I do?? Please help me!! Thank you sooo soo much!!

Kind Regards, Reg x


28 Raliegh May 26, 2011 at 12:09 am

-***Oh my goshhhh,
I really need help! My boyfriend said he needed a breakk so we talked for a while and then i started to get mad because I felt as if he was leading me on so I BROKE ALL THE RULES many times…….Its been about two weeks now, I just want to know how to get him back i really am in love with him and i want him back soo muchh..He wanted me back but now i acted crazy and desperate and he just wants to be friends i’ve been ignoring his texts but I always get moments of weakness when i think too much and im alone…I just can’t believe its over and i really really want him backkkk..
I have my reasons tooo see im youngg like 15 and hes 17 so we did some things andd i feel guilty and dirty i want him back sooo much..
Anddddd to further complicate things,
This guy had been trying to talk to me so i gave him a chance
Well he kissed me and my ex found out he was mad that i had moved on soo fast
(Which i haven’t) PLEASE PLEASE help me i really think he’s the one i truly love him..
i beg of you because i dont know what i’ll do if i dont get advice
I cant think straight,
Pleasee Essy!If you can help


29 Claire January 9, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Hi Essy,

Okay so me and my ex broke up a while ago and we dated for a long time. After we broke up, I really wanted to get back with him really bad, and he was also in it to and we were about to go back out but then things just fell apart. After things fell apart i tried my hardest to have him back but he just never seemed to care. But all of his friends tell me he cares but he doesnt show it to me. Now my ex is very stubborn so i understand why he wont show me his feelings or whatever. But i know that he still cares for me. I have been told by many people and I can just see it in him. I dont know what to do:/ I hate it. I have tried to get over him but i just cant. I want to talk to him but he wont ever open up or anything. what should i do?:/ help please!

thank you!


30 Susanne January 9, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Dear Essy. I love your site you did a wonderful job and i can see where alot of your advice will help but i think my situation is a little bit different. See i cheated on my man with his best friend. It was horrible of me and if i could take it back i would, but i cant. It was meant to be kept a secret but his friend told and it all came out. Im very sorry for what i did but at the time he told me we were over, and his friend started to show his intrest and i fell for it. I quickly found out how much my man loved me and dropped the best friend. (He was only using me for what he wanted anyway) But the damage was already done. Me and my (ex) are working things out, but while he still loves me and think s the world of me hes not sure he can ever love me the same again. He’s left the relationship up to me, for me to show him im willing to work and prove to him that he can trust me once again. He has a hard time believing anything i tell him, and i can understand that, but it breaks my heart that he thinks that am or ever could do that to him again. I love him to much to put him through that, ever again. I know i broke him with this but my love for him is so strong that i cant just sit back and lose him, not when i have the chance. He admited to me how he had begun to neglect me and not show me how special i really was to him. Now i just have to show him what he means to me, lift him up and show him he’s a man and all the little things he does to make me feel good. Make him feel like a man, make him feel special to me. And its sad to say but i lost that, i forgot how to show him all those things. Any advice you can give me.. would be wonderful and i would forever be greatful. I sent you this message in private, while i would like to help others, this is something i would rather never get out, but i do hope you can give me some advice on the situation.


31 Jazz April 3, 2011 at 3:34 pm

I’ve read all your articles and such but I’m not sure how to apply them to my situation because it’s a little bit… different. My ex is an italien foreighn exchange student and came to mt school in Canada for a year. Nevertheless, he will be leaving in a bit less than 3 months. And we both accepted that it would have to be over then. He’s talked about convincing his dad to let him move to Canada next year but that later.

When we got together, it all happened very fast because we had both noticed each other for quite some times yet had never talked assuming the other didn’t want to. He told me he developped a crush for me the very first day we talked even though the conversation had lasted less than a minute. Nevertheless, we had some REALLY fun times. Our relationship was dramatic at times but far from Boaring. I remember missing a day of school once and him texting me afterwards telling me how boaring his day had been without me.

Then, recently, he had to go on this trip for all the foreighn exchange students for a week and a half and when he came back, everything was different. When we texted, his answers were short and he stopped calling me beautiful and telling me he loved me. On the first day of school upon his arrival he came to my locker before class in the moring and we talked. He told me how ever since he got back he felt like he didnt know me anymore. He told me how he feels like we’re taking this relationship too far when he’s going to leave soon and how he really cares about me and doesnt want me to get really hurt. He said maybe its better if we toned it down to a friendship now so that I would have time to forget about him. But he also said how he’s not sure if he loves me anymore. He said that his heart doesnt beat faster when he sees me anymore and stuff like that. He said he knows that he still really likes me though.

So throughout the day I thought it through and accepted that it was for the best and asked to talk to him last recess. As we walked he simply stated the same things and added how he just feels like it’s not the right thing anymore. Yet that part of him wants to take a chance and continue with the relationship. But that if we continued dating and he actually didn’t love me anymore then he would be playing me and how he would never ever want to do that to me. Then I meantioned something about how it was over and he said how he wasn’t sure if he wanted it to be over. Anyways after school he came to my locker and we were just joking around and he told me to text him when I got home.

So I did and he said how he liked me and has lost of fun with me but how part of him is blocked, but that he didnt want to break up with me and wanted to try. I, at this point, was so sick of him changing his mind that I said no. I said perhaps we should just hang out and see how it feels as friends. At this point I truly beleived that our relationship should be that of a friendship. The following day we hung out as friends and he said he thought it through and how being friends is fun and uncomplicated and a good idea and I agreed 100%, at that point.

It’s been 3 days since we broke up and yesterday I started to miss him like hell and couldn’t stop crying. I kept seeing couples on tv and stuff and I just wanted him back SO BAD. I missed him, missed ”us” like crazy. I made the idiotic mistake of texting him and even though the text was just something friendly he never answered and that made me feel LOADS WORSE. Yes I know that it’s over when he leaves anyways but I still want to have a relationship with him till the day before he does travel back. And he does have some pretty good ods of moving here next year anyways.

The problem is that he’s a good un-selfish guy and that maybe if he does want me back he’ll stop himself for my sake, so that I don’t get hurt when he leaves. I’m just really confused and I don’t know what to do or what to think. All I know is I WANT HIM TO WANT ME BACK NOW. I want him to love me again. And now I’m pretty sure he doesn’t! You have no idea how much I’d appreciate your help Essy! Thank-you loads! :)



32 Anna January 9, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Hi Essy,

Helping people to get their BFs/GFs back is really great! Thumbs up! I’m also trying to get my ex back and I really need your advice. We dated only for 2.5 months but every day I miss him more. Right after he broke the news that we shoudn’t continue, I asked him to give us a chance (i know, big mistake), he said he liked me then and likes me as much now but it’s not enough because we argue a lot. Right after our conversation (i got T.W’s book) I didn’t contact him at all for almost a month. We met on a dating site and after we split he would log in every 5-7 days or so but since a week ago he is constantly there…but my profile was down. I texted him to wish him happy new year at 1 am on New Years night and he texted me back next day with warm wishes also, i didn’t text h im since that. Next day i went to that dating site and put my profile back on to let him know I moved on since there is no other way for me to let him know i moved on, we have no common friends and he lives in NJ (works in NYC) and i live in NY. I don’t know what to do next. When should i innitiate our first brief meeting? Should I wait another month to pass after New Year’s text to contact him? Did I break the rule by sending him 1 text on New Years night? My next stop I wanted to tell him that i will be in the hospital where he works for work and wanted to meet for coffee…Did i do the right thing by putting my profile back on dating site? I really don’t know what to do next?

Thanks a lot!


33 Kathy January 9, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Hi Essy,

I wanted to know if I could have some personal advice. I know you have a lot of work and I understand if you cannot get to my message. But if you can it will be infinitely appreciated :) .

I am a college student and I dorm, which has caused my boyfriend and I to be away for long periods of time. We started dating back in May 2010 and spent the entire summer together but we saw each other about every two weeks once college started. I go to school pretty close so I visit home as often as possible. The thing is he started getting upset because there would be weekends when I wanted to stay because there were school activities and parties going on that I wanted to spend with my new college friends. But he wanted me to come home every weekend to spend time wi th him. I did do this at first and I would sleep over my parents house on weekends but it just becamse to difficult with homework and such. I felt like I did not have a home but two homes which made me feel like I had no stability.He also became upset when I asked him in a playful way who he would choose between his brother and I. And that is something he has told me he will never forget . He said that all the little things I have done, even if they are just tiny, they have built up and he just cannot take it anymore. He said he hates being upset and miserable everyday he is not with me and only being happy the days that he is with me. So he broke up with me because he wants to be happy everyday again. He thinks eventually he will. So I think he wants to forget about me but he told me he will always love me and eventually check up on me. He said he would not make me choose between school and education. But he needed to think of his health too because the days he is not with me, he is just angry.

I tried doing everything my heart told me too, which by reading your articles I now know I have done wrong. I prevented one major breakup back in November but I decided to let him go and have some space when he said he did not feel comfortable in our relationship anymore two days ago.

We have known each other for two years and he is really really special to me but I do not know what to do anymore.




34 Daisy January 9, 2011 at 3:50 pm

hi essy,

im married for 5 yrs and have two kids. my marriage is on the rocks and living separately with my husband. after long 8 years i got a change to meet my ex boyfriend and he is married now too. during the meeting we both found out we still love each other. and feel so sorry and regretting the past year why we were not able to work it out. wishing that if only we can turn back time. he is confuse right now what to do since he’s living happily with his wife. also wants us to get back together. do you think we still have a chance? or better not? i still love him and want to be with him. for the long years being separated i always look after him and feel so jealous bout his wife. He told me that he still love me and not fading. its really bothering me.

thank you for you help and time.



35 Abi January 9, 2011 at 3:51 pm


I am currently on the verge of an absolute break down, after my relationship broke up to months ago and I was desperately searching the internet for help, when I came aross your guide on how to win back an ex. I know that in the article, you said you could no longer help individual cases as it was taking too much time, but if you maybe just read about my situation…I really am desperate and feel like this is my last hope!

So, I was with my ex for just over a year and a half…he was my first and only boyfriend (first boy I even held hands with!) and I was his first serious girlfriend too. We went through a lot and he was my best friend in the whole world! We were always very affectionate and close and talked about EVERYTHING. It has always been a fairly long distan ce relationship; although he went to school in the same area as me, he lived about half an hour away…longer by train. He was quite clingly as a boyfriend, and made no secret of his feelings for me…I was ‘the only girl he ever wanted’ and he often spoke about marrying me and having children.

When he went away to go to university, things suddenly changed and he became very distant. I thought he was just busy with his new life and tried to leave him to it, trying to be the good girlfriend, but in the end he cheated on me and straight away broke up with me over it (although he didn’t tell me about the cheating un til over a month later!) After our break up, He still talked to me almost everyday for the next month or so, telling me he still loved me and he promised me we would be back together again and he would never get over me and he knew we were going to be married one day etc…he even said all these things to me after he got a new girlfriend about a month ago, and he would still call me all the time when they started out! Although he also made a big deal about how I treated him really badly in the end of the relationship and made him feel un loved and horrible about himself all the time…now, I will admit that I sometimes didn’t make any effort with him and I can see why he felt like that a little bit…but I still showed him a lot of care and attention all the way through our relationship and I feel like now he’s only remembering the bad things I did when there was so many caring things I did to show him how much I adored him! I was also going through slight depression and it wasn’t the real me when I was being mean to him!

On new years, he decided all of a sudden that he was in love with the new girlfriend (they had been dating 3 weeks by then) and didn’t think he ever wanted me back and that was it for us! As you can tell, I was very confused and made all the mistakes you talked about.

So, now I just don’t know what my chances are and we’ve only just stopped tallking as he asked me to leave him alone and give him space ‘until all of this calms down’ (i think his new girlfriend and him had a fight because he kept saying my name by accident and she though he wasn’t talking to me anymore) I feel like i’ve lost all my chaces and I’m gutted because I just know we could be perfect again if I had the chance! I love him so much and miss him constantly…I just don’t know how my situation affects the tips you give in your article and that.

There is obviously more to the situation than I have said here, but you get the general idea?!! :/

Basically, how do I approach the ‘new girlfriend’ problem, and is it too late to redeem myself after acting like an absolute wreck towards him and acting very desperate indeed?!!

If there’s any kind of advice you can give me about this, I would be ever so greatful! Thank you, and your article is really amazing!!

Abi x


36 Dianne January 9, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Thank you for your article. I was hiking with my friend yesterday and right when I reached the top of the hill, my boyfriend dropped a bomb on me. He called me and said he wanted to take a break. His reason are that the long distance and he still wants to date other girls. I want to share with you a little bit of our back ground. I met him a year and half ago and dated for 2.5 months before he had to move to Boston for school and I stay in California. At first I was very skeptical about this, I didn’t want to get hurt in the end but we are so well for each other so I decided to give long distance relationship a try. We had been very good up to yesterday, everything seemed fine and we both put in equal amount of effort to see each other once a month, sometimes twice. We had a few s erious talk about our future. The thing is I am 1.5 year older than him, I’m 26 and he will turn 25 soon. I am his second girlfriend, the last one dumped him for another guy. I did give him a time limit of 3 years dating so he can make decision if he wants to marry him. That was back then, but now I’m not thinking about marriage anymore and I’m really happy with we have and I even told him that too. However, he thinks that I think he will be the last guy I date and get married. He told me he’s not ready yet and he wants to date other girls before he wants to settle down. He was such a jerk to me in this. He left me at the moment I need him the most because I am a little bit upset about not getting acceptance to grad school and also lost my job last month. He knows all this and what I’m going through so I’m really mad about him. Another thing is everything is going so well two days ago, we still talk on the phone like normal couple.He even asked me what we should do for our two year anniversary but just over one night, he completely changed his heart and has cold feet. I asked him when he starts thinking like this, he said it has been for a month but scared to tell me how he feels until yesterday he decided to say it all out. It was shock for me, I didn’t see it coming. Now I though he is so immature and selfish. All of that said about him, I have to admit he’s very caring and loving boyfriend. We compliment each other very well but apparently, his love for me is not strong enough at this point to overcome his desire to date other girl. But what he did yesterday totally change how I feel about him. I do still love him so much even though that everyday I pray that I wouldn’t give my whole heart to him but when thing like this happen, I’m back to my weakness again. I’m so devastated and can’t stop thinking about him and our good time together. I though we are something and meant to be together. I cried the whole morning today and feel like my heart is twis ted and torn apart. This is not my first heart break but he is my first real and long term relationship so it’s still so hard. He said he will call me back in two weeks.

I have read all the rules that you advised and good news I haven’t broken any yet. It is a matter of time for my heart to heal. I tried to stay strong but it just happened yesterday so my head is going crazy thinking about him. I had put away anything that he gave it just to get over him easier. I really want to win him back though but it’s a long distance thing, do you think it’s possible?

I’m really looking forward to hear from you soon. Thanks Essy


37 Anonymous January 9, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Hi essy,

So my ex boyfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago and his reasoning was if we were gonna get serious that he couldn’t handle it. We were going on winter break for our first year in college and he said he couldn’t handle the distance that was gonna be inbetween us. He wouldn’t really communicate with me, like tell me anything, and I became second to a lot of things. We talked a little bit after the fact and he seemed like he didn’t care about me or the breakup at all, until recently. He said that it was starting to hit him and he says that he misses me sometimes. He told me also that it’s really hard for him right now. I have texted him a couple of times sort of to keep in touch with him, and he texts back too. He has mentioned that once school starts again , he’d be interested in still doing sleepovers from time to time. I’m not really sure what to do. School starts again in about 2 weeks and I’m just curious if there is any potential for him and I to get back together or if I should just move on. I miss him a lot and I’m sure it’s starting to hit him as well. I’m just wondering what I should do once school picks up again.

Thank you :)


38 sash January 10, 2011 at 6:28 am

Hi essy…..

I read your article about three times now and I really wanna do something…….
So I was dating this guy for eight months and thn he says he wants a break so I was agreeing and everything like that then a day later he says he wants to break up because this is not a relationship anymore and he can’t go on like this and that we hardly speak and see each other…. To some extent he was right but how was I supposed to make plans with him often and talk to him often when he didn’t tell him parents we were dating…….

I’m so confused…..

I was talking to him on mxit the other day and I asked him if he still likes me and he said he doesn’t know, then I asked him if he’s over me and he said no however there is this girl in the picture and he is not to sure if he likes her….. He is making me feel as though I’m only an option to him when I make him a priority…….

Please please please help me Essy…..I honestly have no clue how to get him back and I really need him back….

Thank you soo much….:)
I’m open to all suggestions and comments(:

Thanks again:)


39 Amber January 13, 2011 at 3:32 am

Hey Essy.

me and this guy used to be best friends but were starting to be more then friends like we went on a few dates and kissed a few times but it never went anywhere beacuse i think we both didnt want to mess up the friendship we had well we had a close friend named amy and she had been friends with him for awhile well one day amy and zach got in a big fight and i had to step in well zach got really mad at me and stopped talking to me well then amy stopped talking to me and she was geting to alot of trouble well amy and zach went out for about a year, i sometimes think they stopped being friends with me so they could go out, well they broke up about two months ago. now zach is trying trying to be “friends” with me again and we hung out once sence there breake up and he was all flirty kinda like he was before and he even remember everything there is to know about me from before. im confused on if he wants to go back to being “friends” or is he just acting this way beacuse of the break up? i know he wasnt really and ex boyfriend but it felt like a break up when he wasnt in my life.

thanks for your time and advise,



40 Leanne January 18, 2011 at 7:37 am

Heyy so is the main rule not to be clingy?
im a little confused i get the dont call and dont text or dont keep writen him on face book and myspace but if you stick to that and then he starts to call and text is it okay to talk to him?
and how long should you talk once he starts texting and calling?
please help


41 Carebear January 18, 2011 at 10:07 pm

So my boyfriend and i broke up after 5 almost 6 months and i never knew how much i loved him until he broke up with me and now i would do anything to be wit him…. ik he was the one for me and i have a class with him and it makes it harder.. but what do i do?? How do i get him back for good?? I love him and the girl he is with now.. is just mean and rude. Help MEEEE!!!!


42 Eva January 22, 2011 at 8:12 am

I just would like to a quick recommendation on my situation.

My boyfriend split up with me 7 months ago after very painful 4 months: following one argument he became totally cold and distant, told me his feelings were fading . I found this sudden change extremely difficult and beyond my will I became needy. I needed to restore our relationship while he kept saying that we had to think about ourselves.
The situation became so painful that he decided to break up.

I have been doing all the wrong things for 7 months: calling, emailing, crying, asking, professing my undying love, etc… Is there a chance to get him back after 7 months of looking needy and clingy?
thank you, Eva


43 Vanee April 20, 2011 at 5:51 am

Omg.. thats like my exact story!! :(


44 Juanita January 26, 2011 at 10:44 am

I’ve been in this relationship with him for over 7 years now, we were found of each other so much that in school we had to live close to each others rooms, we never wanted to stay apart. In the year I was graduating form school, I notices he was going out with another girl; we went back and front with this relationship until I was made to believe that they have broken up. He was sorry and he promised it won’t happen again. After our graduating year I moved to my parent’s house which was in another state, initially everything was going on fine, he would travel to come see me and I will travel to go see him too. But months later, things began to change. I found out form friends that he was dating another girl in the state where he lives, I confronted him with the information and he confirmed it was true but that everything will change and he’ll get separated from her. I agreed and I was on the wait for several months and he told be she was off the picture. I believed not knowing that he was only trying to hide it away from me. Our friends still kept calling me to find out what the problem is in my relationship, and then I decided to find out who the girl was. I got her number and called her to let her know that the boy she was dating is engaged and I was his fiancée but she started saying that was rubbish because he did not tell her he had a girl friend not to talk of being engaged. She started playing her game and wanted him to tell me off to her face, unfortunately I travelled for the weekend to go see him and I meet her in his house spending her holiday there. I was so upset and I told him that he has to send her out of the house, he started apologizing to me saying I should have told him before I came and said to me that everything will be fine but I cant pass the night in his house today, I would have to go to any of my friends house to pass the night and travel back the next day. I started crying and asking him questions. He told me that he told the girl he didn’t have a girl friend and I was a girl from his past and our relationship has long been over. He made me a promise that I should give him 14days to sort out the whole issue and after 14days I’ll have him back. I agreed and told him I was going to pass the night upstairs in his house, while he sleeps downstairs with her. Meanwhile we still have our normal conversations going but 12days later I called his cell and it was not available only for me to receive a call from the girl that they are both in Dubai having fun. I fell sick and was so heart broken, one week later he came back from Dubai and head straight for my house, before he came I had already forgiving him and I was all crying and he apologized and said he couldn’t say no to the trip as it was already in their plan for a long time. He told me that the girl was gone and she’ll never show up in our lives again. Two weeks later, he began seeing the girl again, when I found out, he told me that he feels sorry for her because he promised her he wouldn’t break her heart as she did not force him into the relationship in the first place, he still kept telling her that I was not his girlfriend and I was a girl from his past. At this time he was apologizing telling me to understand why all these need to happen and why he has to remain in the relationship, he said I should understand and be patient that everything will be fine. This is 10 months into this relationship and I was with him when she showed up and he told me to my face that he wanted to be with this girl and he told her to my face that he was never engaged that the ring I had was a fun to be with you ring. I left the place heartbroken back to his house, hours letter he got home he started apologizing that he didn’t mean it and that she has always wanted that so much so he had to give it to her. My dignity, my pride ment nothing to him at that point in time. I started talking to him, telling him how much I love him and letting him know that I would never disrespect him like that in all my life and crying and he said all will be well that It’s a situation he found himself in. The same words he has always told me. I am tired of having a fiancée who is in love with another girl. I want my man back to me, I want him to respect me and appreciate the love that I have long shown to him. I really love him, he is the first I’ve ever dated and we have our family all involved in this relationship. I feel so hurt that I call him every night to cry and beg him about how hurt I am and what I still feel for him especially when I don’t live in the same city as him and the girl . What should I do?


45 Angie January 27, 2011 at 8:35 pm

My bf and I were only together little under 3 months. He and I were so happy the first two months. He kept asking me,”can I keep you”. and he told me that he was happy. he used to text me every morning, “morning”. Well, it all stopped three weeks before he broke it off. I had to ask him if he wanted to end it. He was draggin it out for 3 weeks. Well, he said “ya, i guess”. I asked him why. he said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and some things about me didn’t fit his personality. Why????


46 Ana January 10, 2012 at 2:40 pm

OMG I’m in the same situation!! what are you doing for getting him back?


47 Chelsea S January 29, 2011 at 12:00 am

Hello. :)

Well I dated my boyfriend for 2 years now and he broke up with me because he said he no longer loved me. But to me and others be stills acts like he is my boyfriend. He also says he is afraid to lose me and wants me to stay his best friend. He was at my house yesterday and well, we did “stuff”. He was all of a sudden acting like he used to, wanting to cuddling and play, then he got serious and so did I. But after that he acts like it never happened. I want him back because I love him dearly but I don’t know how. He went out with a girl today.. I just need help. :)


48 Deborah Ramos January 31, 2011 at 8:49 pm

so i been with him for a year and two months and we just broke up yesterday..=[
he had asked me if i went out yesterday night and i tried to lie about it (IM A HORRIBLE LIAR) but i ended up telling him the truth because i knew it was thr right thing to do … but after i told him the truth he flipped out cursed me out , said very harmful things and told me ” you made me believe in love when i didnt , and now im back to where i started” he said he hated me , never wanted to see me again, and he wanted to puke if he just saw me …o_0 i went out with my girlfriends , i understand the fact that i triede to lie that maybe made him mad but i dont believe he should have took it that far
but i still love him i know hes hurt ,…but do you think i can REALLY win him back if thats how he feels….should i really ignore him,…wont he feel as if i really never cared..? please help im confused


49 Jessica February 1, 2011 at 4:07 am

Hey. I just need advice. I broke up with my boyfriend, we were together for a year and some, he begged for me but I did it for myself to well, have time for me since there is alot going on.. I realized I made a mistake cause things are worse without him. He wanted to get back too, for a day. Then he said he didn’t want me and I hurt him, but yet he says he loves me but “he can’t rush into our relationship right now” and I’ve been crying like an idiot for days now. What should I do? I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life..


50 Rixabint February 8, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Hi, my boyfriend of five months has decided he wants to go back with his ex girlfriend of four years… this makes me completely horrified that i will never be able to be back with him, but what should i do? He told me he does love me and had feelings for me but their feelings for each other are so strong and that he can’t take it anymore. I think it’s all a little funny that they started talking to each other again and she seemed interested in getting back with him once we got together. It hurts so bad to see that maybe she’s just playing with his heart but he doesn’t want to hear that at all and believes this second time they get together it will work. I asked him multiple times why they broke up and he just told me she wanted to be single! (sounds like someone wanted to go have some fun to me but he promises shes never had sex with any others guys while they were apart… uh huh.) the one time he told me it was because of the way he acts and that he sometimes just wants to be left alone. I dealt with it better than most girls would when we were together. It’s so hard because we work together. I know people say you shouldn’t hook up with someone from work, but i think this was completely worth even after having to see him there and i start crying because i can smell him and i miss him so much. I don’t want to move on if she’s just going to mess with his head because i was around, but i don’t want to wait around for nothing. We are still best of friends and that’ all i really feel like i am capable of doing right now I can’t ignore him R at work because it would just be too hard. Please tell me what you think of this situation. Thank you!


51 Lauren February 11, 2011 at 12:47 am

Hey….so i read that u usually dont write back to these things anymore but if there is any way possible for u to help me out it would be awesome!!! i had been with my boyfriend almost a year and a half. we broke up almost a week ago. we broke up because i found out he was lieing to me about where he was…he wasnt cheating or anything he just went to a party with some friends. so i broke up with him when i found out he was lieing.

We have been living together for over a year, and now I am out of our appartment and back with my parents. he knows that my parents and mine relationship is rocky at best, we have huge fights all the time, especially when i am living with them. when i went to get all my stuff we talked for awhile, and he said that he thought that this may be best for awhile so we can both focus on ourselves, and improving ourselves for awhile. I could accept that, but now he acts like he just doesnt wanna talk to me at all and says he doesnt know if he wants to get back together at all. i feel like i made a HORRIBLE mistake, but now he isnt even talking to me really at all. this is breaking my heart!! i love him and i KNOW he loves me. we were each others best friends, not just boyfriend/girlfriend. I just want him to remember that and remember how good we used to be together, and i dont know how!!! I know the first step is to stop calling and texting, so last night i sent a final text saying i realized this was best for now, hope hes doing well, and to call me if he ever wants to talk and ended it by saying our “trademard” to say to each other at the begining…be good!! so i was done calling and texting but i had a family emergency awhile ago and tried calling and texting a few times. i know he is at work but i havent heard anything back.

basically i need some help!!! i love him so so much and i want to go back to our home together!! i am willing to try anything to get him to want me back because right now he is acting like he doesnt care about me at all. it is so hard for me because for over a year i laid down with this man every night and kissed him and listenend to him tell me he loves me. all of our plans were together. now i have nothing!!! i want our life back and i need help on how to get it!!!

if anyone at all can give me specific things to do to get him back i need help so i will try anything!!!!! everyone says to stay busy and go out with friends, but all i can do right now is lay on the couch and cry. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


52 Stefi February 12, 2011 at 5:53 am

Hi Essy. My situation is a little bit complicated. I cheated on my ex boyfriend and he in return did the same thing. I understand we both did wrong to each other and I apologized and want him back. I told him that I was willing to talk about it and that I was open to rebuilding what we had. The problem is that he is confused right now, he doesn’t know if he would like to just stay with this new girl. Our relationship was troubled but mostly because of things I did wrong. I have acknowledge the problem and I am willing to work on this. I live with him which makes your suggestions harder to follow. I asked him if he was willing to seek professional help, and he said he would come with me. But now he is telling me if i would consider an open relationship!! :’( he wants her and it hurts me. Please help me.


53 jen February 19, 2011 at 9:13 am

sO like most girls on this site I ignored the right thing to do. My friend actually gave me similar advice and I knew thw rigjhtthing now was to end the relationship bc there was no relationship left by the end. He told me that doesn’t want anything serious right now and he can’t give me what I need or deserve.
Did I plead, cry with him yes. Did he not want to hear it of course. Am I sad very much so.I won’t call, txt or anything. But he works with his family next door to my work with my family. It hurts bc I thought he was it. And now I’ve got to pick up the pieces. I could go into alll the details but he was there at one point and all was well. And then he changed his mind. He said he wants to be friends and it would be a waste if didn’t hangout, talkk or hug but he told me he didn’t have time to give me what I needed from a bf so expecting that stuff from a friend perspective I can’t imagine. I said I can’t do it. Be friends. He said he loves me but. O well. So much for love. If he loves u he wouldn’t let u go. so


54 Marissa February 20, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Hi Essy.

My ex is very complicated.I broke the rules by throwing myself at him.The situation is also difficult cause he lives in holland. I offered myself to meet him today but he doesnt want too.He doesnt want to even see me.The break up te first time was mutual but i missed him a lot and both our reasons arent evry legit. If i ask him to explain, why ? he just says cause of the things that happened.When honestly both forgave our mistakes and we had a good realationship. This valentines day i told him somethign funny that happened between me nd my old bf. The reason was that noone was talking nd i wanted to just kinda break the ice.He laughed and seemed to take it good.He uses that as a reason when both if us had a great solid realationship.He says i treated him bad,he has this imagination of me being popular with every guy walking past me when thats far from the truth.Well, i miss him a lot and need a solid plan. I honestly dont know what to do, he talks tome through the phone,fb,msn and whatever.But he doesnt want to see me :( Two days ago,he was with his freinds and then suddenly he just came home to talk to me, he sad he got this sadness over him and all that, so thats a reason i think the situation isnt hopless.I told him that i am going out with a guy thsi friday and he became soooo mad, he even said i told him in a cruel way when i know its difficult to him.He just said he needs some time off from me and all that.We talked his behaviours through and he apologized. Honestly, i am about to give up :( He likes to talk to me and be with me, he just gets this scared feeling when i say, ill come to u in amsterdam tommorow, then he floats away. Am i going to fast forward ? is it a prosess or am i on the wrong track ?


55 Bree February 20, 2011 at 4:01 pm

dear essy,

my boyfriend and i dated for about a year and a half and just broke up twice within the past week. he says he doesnt know what he wants and he isnt sure if he wants to be with me anymore. i messaged him telling him how much i love him, and made almost all of the mistakes that were mentioned..but i had a little hope when you and the other people mentioned that you can still fix things. well anyways, i cant afford to buy these books, so i was just wondering if you could give me some advice..

do i just completely not talk to him for awhile?
his birthday is coming up? is it okay to text him then and just say happy birthday?
do you really think avoiding contact will make him want me back?
we were planning to hangout on saturday as friends..he says he thinks that i want more, but he doesnt want anything but friendship…i told him thats all i wanted too.
ik that either way, this is going to be painful…but i just cant see myself with anybody else..

please help me…i feel desperate and pathetic, and i havent eaten in a week…its starting to affect my health…i need your help..

bree… :(


56 Sarah February 20, 2011 at 4:01 pm

This is my situation I undestand the steps of what I could do. Lets just say he is the type of guy that it has to go his way and if he lost feelings for me he lost feelings for me. But what I don’t understand how he was madly in love with me and when the break up happened his feelings instantly changed. He broke up with me because I said something I didn’t mean not anything that would hurt him it was a religious thing and he got all mad and was like you should be more tolerant of other religion and of course I did the instant thing of begging him not to leave me..mistake one. He said there were other things 2 but those things we did talk about and under control from what I thought. It has been about 4 days I last talked to him the second day of our break up because I said something not really harsh but he may have taken it that way. I also did the second mistake of telling him how hurt I was not to get him back out of pity or so I thought. I told one of my girlfriend about that I wrote him like a love letter while we were still dating a few days before the break up and he said he loved it and printed it out. She mention try writing him a letter so I did I said in the beginning of all the things I missed him on and I said he was right I should be more tolerant of other religions and I usually am that just slipped out of my mouth and some other things to help him understand that the other things he was thinking of there was nothing wrong with not exactly that way and now watching this video clearly that was a mistake so now I don’t know what to do


57 Alex February 20, 2011 at 4:02 pm

OK so my boyfriend and i have gone out 4 times in the last 3 years. I really love him and he said he really loved me (He has even said this to other people). Everything was going great between us when he stopped texting me and talking to me at school. And one day my friend Destiny came up to me and ask what happend and i had no idea what she was talking about. She told me that he told her that i told him i wanted to break up with him. I was devestated. I never said i wanted to break up and now he won’t talk to me or anything. I read the psychology thing about picturing me in his arms in the future but it didn’t help at all. It just made me even more sad that i can’t be with him right now and all of our great memories came flooding back. He’s my best friend and i love him to death. I always have but now i have no idea what to do. I really miss him so much. I’ve helped my friends to work out their probablems and gave them advise to get their ex’s back and it worked perfectly for them but i just can’t seem to take my own advise. When i try to do something, it all just crumbbles down right in front of me. I now have no one to go to with my problem because me and my ex would share everything and if needed advise or something i would go to him. Even when we weren’t going out but now it’s all changed. I feel like i’ve lost him for good this time. :.( Please help me! I really love him…..


58 Julie February 20, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Hi Essy,

Ive been reading your blogs and wondered if you would take a look at my story…

Me and my boyfriend were together for a year, before me and him we could say he was very much into his girls but he met me and decided to commit, throughout the relationship he always said that i was the one, his everything etc and he couldnt thank me enough for showing him that you could be with one person, he hated the way he was before and didnt see it as a quality of life, we are both 19 go to the same university on the same course and this is how we met, we got on with each other so well and as you can imagine thought we were the ‘one’ over summer we went on holiday we never argued throughout our relationship untill it came to going back to university, we found it difficult to get the balance right, we bickered and what have you but after 8/9 months of not doing so i felt it was about time we had the odd bicker, but he didnt, this is his first serious relationship and i dont think he understands that all couples argue? so anyway it came to a point where we were bickering, but we would always make up brush it under that mat and carry on we got on amazingly inbetween as if nothing was wrong? i look back now and think god i nagged sometimes for no reason! but it was only becasue i cared..perhaps i cared to much who knows! he was always the one talking about our future together etc..we live separately at uni he lives with his friends and me with mine and none of his friends have girlfriends so i dont no if this has put pressure on but it shouldnt? he was always moaning to me about the way there were he was never himself in the house..i really feel like the arguing got ontop of him, and he didnt no what to do so felt walking away would be the best option! i think we should of sat down and decided that we needed a definite break..some time apart! but he just said i dont want to argue anymore…and that was it.he kept in contact with me occasionaly for about 3 weeks after i heard via word of mouth that he missed me and was asking whether i had moved on or not? i also sent him the NC messagge and have been doing this for almost 2 weeks, we got back to uni very soon and im just wondering whether hes taking this time to sort himself out thought wise? he was such a loving caring person and i just feel he lost touch of the person he was, when he was with me? i dont no…any help ideas?


Julie x


59 Ashton February 20, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Hi my name is Ashton thanks for the great advice. My old boyfriend Zach who was in a bad relationship with his girlfriend came to me. All three of us were really good friends you could say but i didnt know that he liked me. Then one night he told me that he did and a couple of weeks later i stayed with his sister not even thinking about what could happen with me and him. Then his dad had cancer and i did not know and his mom took him to the hospitial and left us at the house. We went into their room because thats where we sleep when someone stays the night and me and his sister tiffney called the bed and zach got the chair..tiffney ended up falling asleep on the chair and all we had was the bed and so we sat down and talked for a while and watched tv. Then he kissed me and the first thought that came into my head was o my gosh what am i doing his girlfriend is my friend and he said he was going to dump her anyway and then i finally said ok and we made out for 12 hours straight and we swore not to tell a soul and we both kept our promise he broke up with her and we went out and then he felt bad so he dumped me and went back to her and told her everything and then we got into a big fight and then we started talking again after 2 months and we just said we were gonna be friends and not see each other in public and then he told me he broke up with his girlfriend. After 4 months of not seeing him was killing me so we said we were gonna hang out at this place in our town called updraft i was shy and didnt want to say anything to him because it would be really akward and i thought we were gonna get back together but instead he is going out with someone else and i want him back he says he still has feelings for me and i told him i still had feelings for him too and its only been 3 days they have been dating but i hate seeing him with someone else it tares me up inside and i no what i did was wrong but i just want him back so will you please give me one on one advice for this thank you again…p.s you are really pretty


60 Ember February 21, 2011 at 5:01 pm

My ex and I broke up on Saturday. We both still love each other and we want to get back together, but he has a rule. That rule is that “after him and a girl break up its over.”
I know it sounds basic, but we both cant get over each other. He also said that i might get him back. I’m confused was confused about it so i said how about we be friends. So, now we are friends but we act like we are going out. What should i do? Please write me back


61 Harriet February 27, 2011 at 1:25 pm

I just bought the book and I’m in the middle of reading it now! I just wanted to say thank you SO much for this website and the discount! I’ve been having a rough time so I’m very thankful to have found this site. :)

Thanks so much!


62 Anabel March 2, 2011 at 1:04 am

Well, I met this guy on new years eve. He is 25 years old I am 38 but I go to the gym and take good care of myself.
He approached me, danced and ended up having sex in the toilets of this member club. He gave me his number, initially I didnt take him seriously, I texted him saying that I wouldnt mind having some more fun with him, I thought he is hot, we met 4 more times, we went for drinks and then at mine for sex He suggested dinners etc and I declined.
We are very compatible.. fireworks really!!!!
Last week I asked him to this party, its a mild fetich mega party, I bought the tickets. We met, we went for a few drinks before going to the party..we talked about going home together at the end of the night.
When we went in I was already a little tipsy, I made a comment on his hair down there and that I was planning to cut it as sometimes it feels like flashing .. not sure he took it the right way..( I know I am an idiot but I just didnt know a better way to tell him, I have to deal with the hair down there, not him so ..).
He turned a little cold, I tried to touch him and he wasnt that into it. I walked away and when I turned my head he was gonne, my ego was hurt so when a guy asked me if I want a foot massage I said yes..
We went into the ” couples room” for me to sit down and he ended up giving me head, I was pretty drunk and wasnt thinking. I thought I saw my guy coming in the room, he saw us and left, but as I said I was drunk, I am not too sure it was him.
I started looking for him, the club was huge, 2400 people in.. I was looking so desperately for an hour. I saw him dancing with a girl who was wearing his hat!! I told him I was looking for him. He looked at me in the most a dismissive way and told me ” I was looking for you too, I ill see you next week some time”
I freaked!! I invited him to come to this party, I bought him the tickets!! I even told him what to wear and now he is there dancing with another woman telling me basically to shod off!!! (ok i understand that if he saw me previously he had every right to talk to me like that but as I said I am not sure)
I left him feeling like shit, i went around the club, met other guys to take my mind off..then two hours after he was with the another girl, i approached, i asked him : are you busy?” he replied ” yes I am, see you later”
I FREAKED… I saw them living the club together, she was wearing his hat
i texted him something like ” i am in sock really, i have invited you to this and you abandoned me like that, i have no words really” or something like that
he didnt reply
then a friend told me that most probably he saw me thats why he behaved like an ass so i texted him asking me to call me when he wakes up as i wanted to tell him something that happened while i was looking for him..
he didnt reply
ok i am not saying i want to marry the guy, he is only a kid but i seriously had an amazing time with him, very compatible sexually and very alike in most things, we could talk easily and were coming pretty close, and i feel really bad we had a negative closure.
So please what should i do?
yes I want to spend more time with him, i am not ready to let him go..

thank you for your time, very much appreciated!!!


63 Jamie March 2, 2011 at 1:04 am

Hi, I’ve watched your video and have read hundreds of articles on the internet about how to get your ex-boyfriend back. I have a slightly different situation which makes things a bit more difficult.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We met when he came to study in London for an exchange year and by fate we ended up living together. It wasn’t long before sparks started flying and we were dating in no time. Unfortunately at the end of the year he moved back to Sweden (where he lives) and we continued having a long distance relationship whilst I was studying in London. We would visit each other every few weeks and it was going well until he started a traineeship, which meant he was working long hours and didn’t have the time to see me. Because of this we didn’t see each other for over 2 months! It wasn’t ideal as we only had our phones and skype to keep in touch and things weren’t the same. Eventually he came to visit me for the weekend, which isn’t very long considering we hadn’t seen each other in months. We had a really great time and did as much as we could during the time he was here.

I didn’t sense anything was different and he was still affectionate towards me. There may have been a little distance between us but I guess I blamed that on the break we had. I got a phone call the day after he got back to Sweden stating that he wanted to end our relationship because “he didn’t have the same feelings as he once did”. I tried to explain that this is natural having not seen each other in so long and that he would get his feelings back if we saw each other more often. However, he did not seem keen on trying and said he didn’t have the energy to work at a long distance relationship. I did what you advised and cut off contact with him completely, I’ve gone out with my friends and tried to have a good time. The only problem is that we are both living in different countries, which complicates the situation a bit. The problem is that I have flights booked to visit him next weekend (this would be 2 weeks after the break up). He told me (during the break up) that it would be better not to visit him and spend some time alone to let the break up sink in. However, a big part of me wants to visit him because: a) we haven’t spoken for a couple of weeks meaning we’ve both calmed down and can have a grown up conversation about it, b) even if the situation doesn’t improve, I have nothing to lose, and c) I don’t know when I’ll next see him (at least I have the excuse of having my flight booked, whereas in the future I would have to book flights which looks desperate). It’s frustrating because I know that we can go back to the way things were if we both worked at it but I can’t force him to try.

Another thing is that I graduate in a few months and I was planning on moving to Sweden, which means we would be living together again. I have no idea what to do next; all I know is that there’s no one else I want to be with and the thought of moving on is heartbreaking. I hope you can help me!

Jamie x


64 Maria March 2, 2011 at 1:05 am

Hi well me and my ex boyfriend broke up a month ago due to him loosing feelings for me we text everyday and i asked him if it bothered him talking to me so much and he said no.

The reason why we broke up was because everytime we would fight we wouldnt fix our problems but we would push it aside and everytime he would tell me something bothered him i would always tell him i wont do it again and i would ( not on purpose) but he got fed up and broke up with me also i used to live in miami and now i moved to new york and he came to visit me a month ago when we were still together and it was a horrible time because the whole trip went wrong and when he went back a week later we broke up. Now i heard the news that he is moving here to a new college and it kinda makes me wonder if we could still be together i mean hes always telling me how only time could really tell and im not sure what that means. ive also told him that im still fighting for what we once had and he told me he cant stop me but i dont understand what that really means because sometimes he gives me signs that he still wants me but im very sure if thats what he is feeling.

Before anything changed in our relationship we were very happy and hes the most amazing guy in the world he has never hurt me and we had alot of amazing times together i just simply miss the fact that somewhere in our relationship we both lost ourself and its only took him breaking up with me for me to realize what i had but i love him so much i just want him back please help me win my ex boyfriend back


65 Risking Everything March 2, 2011 at 1:05 am

Whenever something bad happens between me and guy, I usually just cry and move on but this time I don’t want to let this guy go. I thought we balanced each other out well. He is this shy, nerdy guy and I am this outgoing bubbly girl. Our break up was completely my fault. Throughout our relationship I would get mad really easily and always threaten to break up with him. I believe part of my behavior had to with my past and how paranoid I was about getting my heart broken again. And the other half had to do with how unresponsive he was on things so I would say and do stuff just to get an reaction out of him. He just got fed up with me and now I feel so bad. We ended things right and I apologized to him. He has no hard feelings but feels that there would never be a second chance for us. I honestly believe he said that out anger and annoyance because I kept trying to persuade him with begging (now I know that was not right). I wrote him a letter even before I bought your program. Unfortunately it was typed. I want to get back with him but I feel that we both need to grow. I am only 22 and he is 19. Even though I had experience in dating, this was the first real relationship for the both of us. He is very stubborn and already has this negative outlook on life and people (I noticed that in his other family members too). So my first question is an obvious one: is there still a chance for us and if so should I wait a little while longer just so both of us can grow up? Another guy’s program said in 3 weeks contact your ex. But I feel that is too short. I still really love him but I need time to grow too. So I was thinking about giving him like 3 months. We are both in college and school comes first. I am not sure where to go from here. So let me know what your thoughts.


66 Lindsey March 2, 2011 at 1:06 am

Hi i love this…..but i said I agreed with us breaking up and he said ok like he didn’t care and he said he doesn’t want to talk to me ever again.


67 D March 2, 2011 at 1:07 am

My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. We were together for 2 years. The entire last year has been a struggle with him. We constantly argue and it feels like we reach a heated point extremely easily. Every month or so he would “break up with me” and we would start to talk and he would change his mind. We took one break for about 2 weeks but we talked the entire time and he ended up at my door telling me he missed me.

This time around he has said that he just needs to be single. He loves me but he can’t be with me. He doesn’t want anyone else in the world, he just can’t be in a relationship anymore. And upon much of my questioning, he said yes he could see a future with me maybe after a lot of time, or after a while. He gets very uncomfortable talking about timelines or deadlines.

He has also said that he still wants to see me because I am so important to him. He cares about me and of course doesn’t want to stop talking or seeing each other. After leaving he even said maybe we can go get drinks Monday. I have no idea what is going on in his head. I just know that we have really worn each other down.

I downloaded the Magic of Making up. How do I handle the “friends” and “seeing each other” situation and attempt to put some time and distance between us. I too am guilty of feeling like if I let him go now he will be gone forever.


68 Rebecca March 2, 2011 at 1:08 am

My fiance of over 2 years left me last night. the worst thing is, he got my parents to break up with me FOR HIM.

Today is Saturday, and on Friday morning before he went to work at 6am, he kissed me goodbye and said he loves me. Appartently he has been planning this since 4 days ago which is when we got into a fight.

It all started that while we were dating (before we got engaged) we broke up once then while we were enagaged we broke up about 2 times and I never broke up with him it was always me. This is the 3rd time and everytime he did break up with me before, i contacted him and it would usually be about a week after he would get back with me because he always said he became numb after all the fights. but when i sat down and talked to him i cried, and apologized, said it can change and all that stuff and he said ok. i was his first by the way if you know what i mean. im so devestated right now though as to why he broke up with me.

And also, his parents arent a big fan of me after the last time he got back with me. they think im not good enough for him and everytime he broke up with me, he would run to them and tell them everything and then we moved into a apartment together and appartently tuesday he was with his mom and talked to my parents and told them everything he was going to do. his mom was being so selfish about herself because he wouldnt see her when he was with me and she said she had panick attacks, bad dreams, weight gain, and she said she could have a heart attack and die if he was with me.
But what about me? I just lost my job and my best friend and now him. I cant stay alone, im so scared and what if I told him I could die without him? I just dont understand and I need advice and what to do. Will someone please help me?


69 Heather March 4, 2011 at 3:23 am

Hey girl,

SO, my ex bf broke up with me about 5 months ago (no reason explained, but i was very codependent and didn’t trust him) which led to so many fights. After we broke up, he claimed to miss me and still love me. As he found new girls that quickly disappeared. With each girl, he would find a girl that was better and just leave them like nothing. He’s currently involved with a new girl, but not official (i know its to keep his options open.) What can i do to make him miss me or feel like he can’t have me? What can i do to make him attracted to me and see me as a girlfriend again? I know he sounds like a jerk, but he’s just being so selfish right now. and i haven’t given him anything good in return for this behavior.

I found your site very helpful.

Further advice please?

Thank you so much :)


70 Penelope April 12, 2011 at 12:15 am

Dear Essy,
After a day of breaking all the rules (calling/emailing/texting – all with no acknowledgement) I frantically trawled the internet and found your page. I have bought both the guides you suggested, and both talk about the “2nd Chance Letter”.
To me it seems terrifying! What if he just gets it and shrugs and says “Ok, then.”
My problem is, I don’t actually know where I stand – after a disagreement about me being 20 minutes late home after a work break up party (to my own house), and various ridiculous accusations from him regarding my whereabouts, I asked him to leave. He did – and I haven’t heard from him since. I expected to ring the next day and for everything to be ok – we’ve been going out for over a year and had plans to buy a house and had even discussed marriage.
The line in the letter about “being ok with the break up” seems pre emptive – what if he’s just torturing me?
I don’t know what to do, and I’m scared. I have, however, not attempted any contact for the past three days, as hard as it’s been.
Please help! Penelope, Australia


71 Alyson March 8, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Hey, Essy.

Me and my ex were going out for about a year. (from April 2010-March 2011) We’ve had one break up but after we handled it we’ve been fine. Then all of a sudden he changed. He wasn’t paying as much attention to me as he had been and he didn’t sit by me as much in school. But hes an amazing guy and hes just so perfect. He makes me laugh, smile, he just makes me feel so excited when I see him, even now that we’ve seperated. I REALLY don’t want to give him up and I need to get him back, fast.

Well since he hadn’t been paying much attention to me I was considering dumping him. (but I love him too much to do that so it really wasn’t going to happen) And I made a bad move by telling his best friend and asking for advice. I never knew his best friend didn’t like me (even though some of them wanted to break us up anyway, for a reason unknown) but I guess he doesn’t. Anyway, after I told his best friend,Sam, and he said, “Well he was going to dump you anyway.” and because one of my friends was blabbing beside me I didn’t hear a word of what Sam said.

So I texted my boyfriend that night and told him that Sam had already told me what he was planning to do. (oh and my ex’s name is Joseph) But Sam had already told Joseph that I said I was going to break up with him but failed to mention what he said to me. And of course, saying I’d ‘lied before’, which I never did, he believed Sam and broke up with me.

I want him to understand that I was telling the truth. I know not to call or anything, and I’ve been independent, but today he told one of my friends Brandon, to ask me out, and sadly, my friend Jordan broke up with her boyfriend, Ryan. Jordan and Joseph are close friends and it horrifies me that they might get together…it would send me over the edge if that ever happened…

So I need help, and fast. PLEASE help me!!!!


72 Nicolette March 9, 2011 at 12:49 am

I need your help!
So, i was with my boyfriend for 9 months and we were really happy together, In August he had decided that he just didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. It devastated me. I watched your video and it seems that i have done some things wrong in this situation. Right after we broke up i would text and call him and ask to hangout, even though i knew i shouldn’t have. Recently, about 2 months ago he had sex with one of my best friends and harassed me at a party. I have not talked to him since. Even though he put me through so much, i can’t help but think about him everyday. I know he still thinks about me, because he will ask be stupid questions but i will not respond. I just wish there was a way for me to make him miss me and want me back. If you can help me at all, please give me some advice! thanks a bunch!


73 Nora March 13, 2011 at 4:18 am

my boyrfirned just broke up wth me.. i know why he did and its all my fault.. he was sooo good for me and i abused that.. i was mean to him sometimes and asked him for materialistic stuff when i knew he didnt have money … i love him and this breakup was a hug wake up call… i knopw i have to change not my self but things that should be changed.. i admit i * * * * ed up and i deserve this but im soo scared hes not going to give me a second chance… and all my friend sknow he was head over heals over me.. how do i get him back?? i miss him and i didnt know wut i had until i lost him i just want a second chance.. he doesnt want to talk to me right now at all.. how will i know if he does want to get backwith me?? i love himm soo much and i know wut i did wrong but im soo scared i wont get a second chance.. wut do i do?? please help


74 Tina March 22, 2011 at 3:59 am

so my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. We are 21 and 22. He told me he didn’t see himself marrying me and wants to see other people because he is young. Because he said he doesn’t see himself marrying me, is my situation hopeless?? He is also into politics and said he needs someone who is going to challenge him in it. I am not interested in politics and don’t think it should matter if i can’t hold a conversation about it. We always had good times together and i swear we were going to get married. We didn’t speak for 2 weeks, then saw one another at a friends unexpectedly. We pretty much only said hi and bye. I caught him looking at me a couple times out of the corner of his eye. The next day he called me (surprisingly) and said he didn’t want us to feel awkward around one another and asked how i was doing. Sadly, I thought he was going to talk to me about getting back together. Silly, huh? So an hour later, i decided to call him to hang out and he never called me back. I even sent him a text and no reply. I feel a bit stupid for trying to contact him and then get no response. I really love him and i know he loves me. This is also the first serious relationship for both of us. I have never been involved with anyone like this before. Do you think there is still a chance? I understand the whole idea of ignoring him, but wouldn’t that make him want to talk to me less? I am sick of feeling like crap and over thinking everything =(
Please help!!


75 Mansi March 22, 2011 at 1:56 pm

My boyfriend broke up wid my 2 month before. We were very good friend since 3years but we live in different city. We had relationship for 6 month. During our relationship he showed me his crazyness in me and also wanted to marry me. Slowly i too fall deeply in love with him. We were happy but suddenly what happened to him he said that now he don’t have any feelings for me and wants previous friendship. At first i broke all your rules by crying,begging and asking him the reason behind breakup. I love him very very much please help me…
I don’t want to lose him.


76 Sian March 24, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Hi Essy,

I read your article and its got some amazing advice…

the only thing is though, my ex broke up with me about 3 monthes ago and since then I’ve had another boyfriend which i ended with about a month ago. I started talking to this ex about two weeks ago again and it made me realise that i still like him and have since he broke up with me back in September. It’s really complicated though as we have only talked over facebook and msn and not actually at school. I can’t tell if he likes me back as when we talk on facebook he’s really flirty but then the next minute will seem abit off with me. He was soposed to come round mine last night but sent me a text saying he couldnt make it and this has been happening everytime over the past few weeks when he has said he wants to come round.
Last night my friend told me to set him straight and ask him what was going on , whether we were going anyway, and his reply was ‘dunno’ .

As if this wasnt confusing enough, we sorted it all out and started talking like it had never happened. He said he could come round on saturday but then an hour later messaged me saying, ‘I’m sorry Sian, im going out with my family on saturday, i’ve let you down again…just find another boy.’

He knows that I like him, so why can’t he see i dont want another boy. I can’t tell whats going on anymore, its so hard to tell if he likes me or not….



77 Ashley March 24, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Hi Essy,
I was with my boyfriend for 8 months and we had an argument and broke up. I then slept with someone else which I wish didn’t happen and it was only a few days later. I regret it so much and couldn’t stop crying after it.
I know I’ve done the wrong thing and I have paid for it but I really want him back and now he’s telling me he doesn’t love or hate me but he wants nothing to do with me.

I know he’s seeing old friends and stuff again and has been hanging around at one girls house a lot as friends but I’m so afraid of losing him for good.
Do you think I have another chance? He won’t listen to anything I have to say.

Thank you.


78 Melissa March 24, 2011 at 10:02 pm

dear essy,
My boyfriend broke up with me last Sunday, after he went on my e-mail without asking me. He was so upset he said he would never forgive me or take me back. I broke all the rules. I didn’t even do or say anything wrong in those e-mails. So then this Monday the 6 of this December he e-mailed me and said he wanted to come over and talk to me. I thought he wanted me back becuase but he just came over to break my heart again. He said he anything. It hurts souch. I want him back bad. I nver had.a relationshio that lasted over.a year. And we gave.each ot freeeee rr everything. If you know what.i mean. He was so sweet and kind at the.begining. He even wanted to and everything. though. And very jealous. I don’t know what I can do… Pls help me he means the world to me….


79 Liezel March 24, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Hi Essy!

My boyfriend broke up with me, but he says he still cares for me and he still wants me to be his best friend. Do I really have to cut all our communication? We’re still exchanging text messages but not that often as before. He initiates the exchange of messages though. It’s only been three weeks and we’ll be seeing each other already this weekend for jogging – we were jogging buddies. I want to get him back but will the uncut communication hinder it?


80 SS24 March 24, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Hi Essy,

Ive been in a relation with my boyfriend for around 3.5 years and recently he broke up with me saying he needs space, that he needs to be single for some time and that he doesn’t think it is working out as its a long distance relation. but he says he loves me the same, he still has those feelings for me. HOWEVER, HE does not feel the ‘SAME WANT’ for the relation.

i just don’t understand. our relation has been a long distance one for some time now but i was always the one who had a problem with it not him. and till recently he went on going about how he cant imagine his life without me. Any way so i made a few mistakes of crying, asking him to give our relation one chance and work it out…..he did, but after a week he went on to say again that its not working out.
so this time ( having researched a bit) i acted calm and followed the no contact trick. it sort of worked coz he got all upset as to why i would never call him and that he’s the one who keeps calling me (he called me after 3 days after the break up) and he has a feeling that maybe i was with someone and asked me why wont i tell him, he also said that he’s so confused as to how I can get off the relation so easily, did the 3.5 years dint matter to me at all, he said he still feels like talking at times but accused me of not being bothered at all. but after that conversation he got really irritated and swore not to call me again.
I called him the next day to check on him, and he behaved in a very weird way. He was hurt i could see it. but its been 3 days since i called him and he still hasn’t called me back. Has it stopped working? what is going on with him? i just cant get it. Has he decided not to call me at all?? will he call me?

also, his birthday is coming in a week, can i make an exception to the no contact practice and call him on his birthday for 2 minutes?

desperately waiting for your reply.


81 Elena March 24, 2011 at 10:05 pm

Hi Essy,

Thank you for your article and free PDF, I found them both really helpful :) I just wanted to ask, what is the best resource in terms of getting advice when you want to get an ex boyfriend back but the break-up isn’t recent? I have already reconciled with my ex after a bad break up and after spending a year apart with minimal contact. Now we are friends again but the lines are very blurred and it’s very confusing. I want a plan that I can follow to get our relationship back properly. Thanks for any help that you can give me with this :)



82 heartbroken March 27, 2011 at 2:24 am

Hi. I met this guy through a matchmaker and it was his idea to meet after speaking to him for a week.

We really clicked from the time he called me and spoke for hours. I really got to like him and I have met him twice. Everything so perfect and he was so perfect for me.The last time we met he told that me that he will see me when he sees me and a few days later I got a call from a friend of his saying that he (the friend) wants to get to know me as he heard that I am a nice girl. When I confronted this guy that I was seeing he denied it and said that he will call me later (he didn’t call for 2 and 1/2 weeks). I have been trying to call him but he has not been taking my calls or replying to my messages).

I did call him again today and asked him again and he admitted that he did give my number to his friend. When I asked him why he did that without my permission he said that his friend was looking for a serious relationship. When I asked him if that was it between us he said yes and that he had some personal issues of his own to sort out and before I could ask him anything else he pretended that he could not hear me and ended the call. I tried calling him back but it went straight to voicemail (I assume he put his phone off). Please help How do I get him back!!!


83 Brianna March 27, 2011 at 2:25 am

Hi Essy,
my names brianna and i really need some help.
i have a boyfriend named Jonathan and we just broke up last monday and i miss him dearly
the reason why we broke up is because while i was stayin at his house i found a note he wrote that was a paragraph long about a girl he liked back in the second grade and in middle school so i confronted him (not rudely) and asked about it, at first he lied about it saying it was for a story then he finely told the truth. i was very hurt about it but i sorta let it slip my mind and went about my day becasue i didnt want his mom to see that anything was wrong.. later during the day i started noticing that he was acting different in way he normaly doesnt act, especially before i found the note..but i just brushed it off, then came along sunday and then noticed he was acting really different even more then he was before.. so i seeked advice from his brother(also my friend) and he said to just talk to him before i leave to go home so i did and we sorta had a small argument about the whole thing because i found out the girl does not care about him like that and has a baby (from another guy) but why was he still acting the way he was.. so before i left he kissed me goodbye and said we were ok again ..that was a lie.. after i got home i noticed he hasnt texted me like he usely does right after i leave so i waited a while then around about 8pm i texted him and all his responces were just short and simple so i stoped texting him and decided to text him after he got off work monday… when i did i told him i felt like there was something still between us and he sorta started getting mad then he started to be really rude to me wich he never has done before so i just got mad and broke up with him becasue i didnt know any other thing to do because it seemed like he changed and didnt want nothing to do with me anymore and now a week and half has past and i havent herd from him since and it drives me crazy because i dont understand how he could be so blinded from the past and how he would begg and begg to get me back for 7months straight (i broke up with him before summer 10 because of another issue) and telling me and his friends that he loved me and only me and no one else could compare choosing some girl who doesnt even care for him like that and has a baby over me a girl who cares for him and takes care of him ..and his family loves me especially his mother..but she doesnt even know this girl even exist…
i dont know what to do anymore i have been strong and havent tryed calling or texting.. the only thing is i lost will power last night and wrote a message to him on mysapce.. but i dought he will read it anytime soon since he hardly gets on there anymore…

Please Essy give me some kind of advice to help me with getting him back … i know he still loves me deep inside of him i just think he is confused and needs a lil help to realize he does love me still ..i just dont know how to do that so please help me ..
ill take all the advice i can get..


84 Candace March 27, 2011 at 2:29 am

Okay, so I saw your video.

On monday, March 14 my boyfriend of about a year broke up with me. I know it does not sound like much or a long time, but i am so in love with him. From seeing and talking to him everyday and not talking to him and barely seeing him is probably the hardest thing and I broke the biggest rule in your video the “leave him alone and don’t call him one.” yeah, big time broke it…and I need help.

I havn’t talked to him in two days. Everyone has been telling me to “let him miss you” and that’s what I plan on doing, but how do I get him to miss me if I don’t think he will if I feel like he’s not gonna love me again. How do I make him fall back in love with me. I’m desperate, me.


85 Piper March 27, 2011 at 2:30 am

Essy! Thank you so much for directing me to The Win Him Back System. I love it! AND it’s helping in so many ways…I was just in such a rut, didn’t really know what to do anymore and then I came across your video :) I have you to thank, and Jemima, for helping me fix my relationship and helping me stay strong in the process :)

Thanks again!

Piper <3


86 Andrea March 27, 2011 at 2:31 am

So me andy guy were together for 6 years before our very physical break up.

Now my man would never lay a hand on me, never. We got into a fight cause he had bern going through this crazy insane phase of going out non stop and he had been being extremely distrspectful to me even to the point of lying to me and mayb even sleeping around on me!

So I caught him out at a bar when our son was sick and we needed him….any long story short I snapped and just started slapping the dog sh@* outta him I even spit in his face! Of course I regret it but is there any way in hell I can get him back? We have invested to much time into this life we built. I mean we were barely together for a year when he proposed to me. He is the best man in the world and has been a provider and protector for my family and an even better father I love him and want him back! HELP!


87 April March 27, 2011 at 2:31 am

My boyfriend and I just broke up a few days ago.I am a single mother, and he has no children.he has been,married before, I haven’t.he told me the other day that he didn’t think he wanted the same things I want (marriage, kids etc.) But I love this man and don’t want to give up on this. Please help me. Thank you


88 Hailey March 27, 2011 at 2:31 am

So I have a problem I broke up with my boyfriend and he has a new girlfriend and I was wondering how I can get him back and get him to actually notice me


89 Breeanna March 27, 2011 at 2:34 am

I know the only reason im sending you a maesige is because i broke up with my ex boyfriend and i want him back but i have a question because i go to this school called The Denver School of the Arts ane we have majors and his is theator so that means he is a good acter and it is har to tell wats true or falce anymore because one time he hugs me like im his friend and other times he’s like what ever.So now i dont know wat to do because sometimes i feel sometimes my plan is working and sometimes its not or sometimes he likes me and sometimes he does’t.I know i used a lot of sometimes and stuff but pleese type as soon as you can.


90 Courtney March 27, 2011 at 2:34 am

Hey, I’m at a all time low and I have Never felt Luke this before. So here is my story, my fiancé have been dating for 5 years straight since I was only 14! We have never ever broke up or even took a break… He did everything for me and treated me like a complete princess… He always made sure that I was ok with any decision he made and my opinion mattered about everything.. He never looked at any girls and he called me perfect all the time.. I no I had some controll issues but I didn’t think they were that bad because why would he still treat me so good? So here’s what happend, we had a little fit and he left my house saying he was done and I’m to controlling… I wa dumb struck and off course I thought well obvioulsy he didn’t mean that we have been through alot of things. But that was about 3 weeks ago… I did everything that was wrong like texted and called and begged and told him I would change and yadda yadda yadda… Eventually he said to stop calling and texting and only talk over facebook messeges… So this is how we talk now… He told me he didn’t wanna see me but since the break up I seen him about 6 or 7 times he always gives in to seeing me and everytime he says this is the last time for a while… But then I get confused because sometimes he says there is no chance of getting together and sometimes he says there is a chance… I just don’t get it!? When he tells me to my face he don’t want me anymore he looks so serious but then the next time I see him he says there is a good chance we will get together… I’m so confused! It’s sooo hard not to txt or call him I have talked to him every single day for 5 years… Also he says that when we do start hanging out more it will be just as friends… It will be sooo hard to be just friends… He get sooo mad when I tell him how much I need and love him and I have morals and I don’t wanna be with another man…. I’m just so confused because I am still on his phone plan and just less than a year he got my name on his arm, we were also looking for houses up until the last day… And we couldn’t wait to get married and have kids…. I just don’t get it :( he says he wants to be single for a while but I don’t so it’s hard to accept that…. Can you pleas help me I’m desperate and he is everything to me.. Besides this he has never done anything to make me not want to be with him that’s why it’s so hard to move on… I don’t want to move on at all!!!… Please please help!!!


91 natassia1 March 27, 2011 at 2:35 am

Hi all,

So my bf an i broke up 2mths and 2wks ago.

It was a 4 yr relationship with 2 break ups but he was the one who came back. This time he admited he cheated and well it devastated me, he never did that before. The first week i didnt want anything to do with him, but i called about some money he owed me. At that time he was doing really bad with the break up he said sorry but he needed to be on his own, that he was horrble and he was going to be a better man for me. I said if that was true and god wanted us together then so be it. I was fine for a lil but then i saw he accepted the girl he cheated on me with on facebook and of she didnt have her profile to private.

So i saw pics of the two of them from when he prob cheated and it drove me insane. I started texting like crazy asking him why he did it and saying he should just admit he is with her, i kept going on her page and she would put up lil messages and pics of parties they went together. Well to keep it short I did this alot, asking why and he finally said to me that he was just telling himself he loved me because he thought he did and he told me that because i wanted to hear that. I stop texting for a lil and then fell off the wagon and texted and he responded that it was the last time he would contact me and he wasnt with her that he told her does not like her that way, and for me to stop harping. So I have stopped for about 1wk and i will not contact him and follow the plan.

But my question is have I done too much damge, is it too late. I know the plan works best within the 1st month but I love him very much and I dont want to loose him. And i know i had some blame in the break up not just the cheating. Can i still get my ex back? I have bought both books and i am mixing both, Im not sure how i feel about manipulating him. please help


92 Marie March 27, 2011 at 2:36 am

Okay so I watched your video and its a start and of course I’ve already broken the rules but we just sort of broke up an hour ago but were still talking and then he fell asleep on me.. my problem is we weren’t officially together.

He was perfect and we were great together except for the fact.. we weren’t together. I… on a regular every other day basis, kept trying to push him into a relationship and the he would make it clear he wasn’t quite ready yet. And I would say ok I won’t bring it up again.. but then.. I eventually would.. and we’ve only been going for a month. So finally tonight he snapped when I yet again tried to push him into something he’s not ready for I mean we’ve only know each other 6 months through work and been dating casually(but consistantly getting more serious) for a month. So he told me he feels I don’t respect him and that he wants to do it on his own when he’s ready and I should also move on and find someone who can give me what I want right away but HE is what I want.

I tried to make it clear to him that he was what I wanted and that I wouldn’t talk about it anymore but he said he was done and he thinks its for the best. I didn’t bug him much i sent him 3 small texts after his last one that said “I respect u and I don’t wanna push u into something.” “It hurts me when u say ur done and u don’t wanna try anymore” and “I was happy with what we had and I feel like now I’ve ruined any chance for us and our friendship” because he’s also my BEST friend pretty much.. so I don’t know if that counts as bugging too much but I feel I should make it clear to him that I do in fact want something with him because he has low self esteem and always is thinking I don’t really want him even tho I never said that. I think we were so close and so alike that I really started falling for him fast. He’s also a personal trainer at a gym I told him I was gonna go to eventually. So should that be my hobby like rule $3 says?

My friend and I wanted to start working out there I thought this way we can still bump into each other and ill act like lifes great but kts not like I’m harrassing him cuz I already told him me and my friend were gonna start going there. And I live in a small town and that’s like our only gym other then a really exspensive one. Thanks for any help and advice I’m dying to talk to him again :( my face lights up for his texts and now we lost our friendship too and he’s who I talk to about everything even tho we’ve only been friends for a short time


93 Fannie March 27, 2011 at 2:54 am


Here is my situation. I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I knew things were not perfect because we were having fights too often. However, we were deeply in love. About 2 weeks ago, he left me a broke up letter saying he loves me but can’t make me happy.

He said not to contact him ever, because he would not change his mind. His phone was off for 3 days (he never turns his cell off). His mother told me later (I called her 3 days after) that he had to think things through and that he was sad. In the past 2 weeks, his mom called him but says he doesn’t want to talk about it. At my end I did not call him the first week.

On Day 9, I called him and he hung up on me. I sent him a text saying I’d like to get my stuff back and to discuss when he is ready. No answer. I sent him a letter. No answer. Now it’s Day 12 and don’t know what to do. Interesting fact: he did list himself as single on facebook but did not remove any pictures of me (there’s probably like 50!). He goes on Facebook several times every day. Of course he did notice that my pics were still there.

What does that mean? What should I do to get my stuff back? How to contact him? How long waiting? It seems it has to come from him but will he contact me ever? On Internet, everything I read tells you to step back and show your ex that your confident and that you are not sad or desperate. How can he even know if I’m good if we don’t have contact? Please don’t tell me to go out with his friends. They are his friends, right?!

It wouldn’t be right to call them and we are not close enough anyways. Help me please!!!! Thanks!


94 Anissa March 27, 2011 at 2:55 am


My boyfriend and I where together for 2yrs 4month and then he broke up with me by telling me he has issues and he used the line “it’s not you, it’s me”.

We were so happy then out of no where, he broke up with me on our 2yr 4mnth anniversery! I would love to get back with him and I am giving him his space butI feel that there is no hope in getting back with him. My mother liked him like a son and she keeps trying to keep incontact with him and he totally ignores her. What are my chances on getting back together and telling my mom to leave him alone? But what should I do now?


95 Morganne April 25, 2011 at 8:39 pm

If you two were together for that long I’m sure he had strong feelings for you. Truth is boys are stupid. Simple as that. You might have done something to upset him and not even realized it. Best thing to do is give him a few days then try to contact him and talk about it. It’s best to do this face to face. Just dont come off as desperate. It’ll just drive him away further. I know you must be hurting but all girls go through this sometime in their life. I really hope you guys can work things out. Just have faith and be strong!


96 Tenishia March 27, 2011 at 2:56 am

my boyfriend and I were friends for 15 years before we started dating. We slept with each other a few times before while we were “just Friends”. He thinks I am cheating on him and does not trust me so we split up because he said it is too stressfull… I love him and I am going to try to win him back…


97 AmBamBoom March 27, 2011 at 2:57 am

My boyfriend of 2 years just broke up with me because he needs to learn how to be a man and experience the world alone. I am completely heart broken. He says that he still loves me and he wants to be back together some day but he just can’t be in a relationship right now. He broke up with me 4 days ago an I’ve broken all of the rules. I want him back more than anything. Please help!! :(


98 Oya March 27, 2011 at 2:58 am

Hi. My ex and I broke up 6 months ago. We met last summer at a summer camp and we both had sparks when we saw each other. After the summer camp he asked me out and we started dating.

He lives in another town that is 45 minutes away. I absolutely loved every second we had together. We talked every day and didn’t sleep one night because we wanted to talk. It was really an amazing relationship. Then summer ended and school started. I don’t know why but I started to be very jealous. We had a fight and didn’t speak to each other for days. He tried to make up a conversation but each time he did, i pushed him back. 4 days later he asked me if i wanted to break up. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say.

I don’t even know what I was thinking or doing! I totally messed up and we broke up. 10 days later he wanted to get back together telling me that he still loved me. I showed my friend that text he sent me and she told me to get over him. So I wrote ‘too late’. I know I know that was so bitchy, but I did want him back. A few days later, I realized how much I actually miss him. Then I tried talking to him but he just ignored me or wrote short answers. Who can blame him? I once told him if he would still go out with me if we lived in the same city. He said ‘I don’t know’. He once asked me if I would be upset if he dated another girl. I said ‘Yeah but it’s your life’. He replied ‘I don’t even know what to do’ then I said ‘confusion is good, it makes you think about two different things’.

A couple of months later I apologized and tried to talk to him, he kept ignoring me. One day I sent him a message telling him how sorry I was for being ridiculous and didn’t want to lose a friend like him. He didn’t reply to that too. I truly messed up this relationship. I tried getting over him but I couldn’t! I still love him, I do want him in my arms, I want him back because I miss him more than ever. But I’m out of cards. I don’t know what to do. I texted him today saying ‘what’s up’ he said ‘oh hi i’m good you?’ and we talked for like a minute but that was it. I’m afraid of doing more mistakes. I don’t want to lose him again. It’s valentines day tomorrow and I wish I could just be with him.

Please please please help me! My situation feels pathetic and REALLY bad! :(


99 liana March 27, 2011 at 3:02 am

Hey Essy<3,

Just wanted to say your article is absolutely amazing, and you're very pretty.
I need advice Essy :(

Ive been with my boyfriend for a yr and 7 months and the last month, he's been talking/cheating with some other girl and made it seem like he wasnt, then one day he says its not working out and he breaks up. I didnt call him or txt him, NOTHING for 2 weeks, i was talking to others and i made sure he found out, then 2 weeks after the break up he txts me twice and calls me blocked number and wants to work things out and be together and i took him back right that second! But he was telling me he was mad that i got my facebook back and was talking to others. And throughout our relationship I was so lovey dovey ALWAYSS, and i always forgave him.

And a week ago he comments that girl he was talking to behind my back bff saying, "i miss your bff where is she?" I saw that and i said "oh wow you miss her?" and he goes yeah im like "wow bye" and he goes i dont care i dont care bye". then i ask him what he wants and if he wants that girl. he says "no, i dont want that girl or you, i dont want anyone. then at 2am he txts me acting all mad saying, "you got your facebook back again?" "you never listen to anything i say so bye".

Now since 10 days ago we havent talked or anything. Please tell me what you think is going on


100 Lilly March 27, 2011 at 3:04 am

I broke up with my bf, but I wanted him back. your guide is for people whose boyfriends and girlfriends broke up with them; therefore, I don’t really know what to do for my situation at all.


101 Phoebe March 27, 2011 at 3:05 am

heya Essy,

I’m going through the exact thing as you right now!

Me and my boyfriend have been long distance for almost 2 months.

Yeah i know thats not long at all. But we’re pretty complicated in a way and I don’t wish to flood your comment box with my story! But I’ll be glad to share with you I you wish to know.

I call him alot too! in fact, only i could afford to call him as he is currently in a pretty bad financial situation with alot of other things to stress with.

The last time we talked, he was wavering between a break up and on hiatus kinda thing. But we ended up agreeing on leaving this relationship on-hiatus, but I’m pretty sure the on-hiatus is more of a break up as i asked him so when can i contact you again? he said when i’m doing better! (as in financially and all)

BTW, we’re an international relationship which means not from the same country and 2947 miles apart.


102 SoSad March 27, 2011 at 3:06 am

I met a guy online and that is not my typical style for dating. He lives an hour away but neither of us had a problem with the trip. After 3 months if dating my brother was in a tragic accident and I was in ICU at his bed side for 2 months straight with no time or energy for relationships. I admit that I pushed my boyfriend to the side because I thought my only sibling was going to

Die and I was a horrible wreck. When my brother started to heal I slowly snapped back in to relationship mode but I think my bf was already long gone with his feelings for me. He was barely ever around and I asked him all the time

If he could write me more and talk to me more because I felt like he didn’t love me anymore. He tried his best I think but I became vulnerable and started asking lots of questions about where have you been, why stent you talking to me, why don’t you ask me questions when we email, why are you so distant. Over and over and over. I think I drove him

Soooo far away. So less then a month ago I broke up with him because oddly like he was never going to give me the comfort and love that i needed while I was going trough this terrible emotion event with my brother and my family. (my brother is still in the hospital to this day actually) so I am still a nervous little girl with mixed emotions and a needy personality. I need constant love and comfort and it was never enough with him. I needed more and more. So…… I broke up with him..

Now it has been almost a month ad I feel like I could die because I want nothing more then to be with him again. We were amazing together and he was the nicest guy I have ever met. I’m 25 and had lots of boyfriends. And we were the beat match. We have everything incommon. I swear I could marry him.

So when we broke up I asked him nit to talk to me for 3 months because I would need time to get over “us”. He agreed, with a very upset tone.. After 2 weeks of being broke up I caved in and emailed him the most guyt wrenching heartfelt letter I have ever wrote in my entire life.. And got no reasons. 3 days later on new years eve I wished him a happy new years and said “please don’t hate me forever” and he sent me an email that said “I don’t hate you, but it hasn’t been 3 months, ha.” so I responded new years day and said that I apologized for asking him to wait 3 months to talk to him and alot of other emotions and sorrys… I got no response. 3 days after that I had a radiator problem and he is a mechanic so I called him and he didn’t answer so I left a message telling him my car trouble issue and I said “if you really don’t want to talk to me on the phone can you please just email me the answer?” and then he wrote me a long explanation of how to fix the car but there was no hello or good by on the email.. I responded with a huge THANK YOU SO MUCH!! and I have not said a word since. It has been 2 weeks.

I feel terrible. I broke every single rule that u listed above. I love him so much and he is my one

True match. I know that almost everything that I was upset about in the relationship was exaggerated because of the crazy rollercoaster ride I am going through with my brother. I have no idea what to do. I don’t think he will ever talk to me again and all I want is for things to go back to normal.

Can toy please help me? Is it completely hopeless? He said it hasn’t been 3 months yet… And I responded with a huge sappy I love u letter. I think I slammed the door shut and locked Ut forever.. I feel like we will never get back together. But I can’t stop loving what we once had.

Please help


103 Jordan March 27, 2011 at 3:06 am

I broke up with my boyriend awhile back because of an age diffrence (3 years). Of course I loved him with all my heart but it is what I thought was best. WRONG! So now he has another girlfriend,but he still texts me sometimes and at times it’s as if we forget that we are no longer dating. Of course I love those moments but I feel bad for his girlfriend for being like that with him.

In another way I do not want to get back together with him. What if he is like that with other girls while WE are dating. I realize guys just have a natural urge to do those kind of things, but is there a way I can prevent it?

I’m pretty sure if things don’t work out with his current girlfriend we will get back together. I’m not sure I want it to be like that though. I want to feel as if he loves ONLY me and that I’m not a second choice. What should I do? Please e-mail me if you have a chance.


104 Chelsea March 27, 2011 at 3:07 am

umm, hey well my situation is a little weird, complicated, and quite unusual.

So I guess ill start off be saying : I broke up with my boyfriend in december, just because i couldnt take the stress of the relationship other ppl started rumors about me dating other guys ppl told me he cheated on several occassions, and everything just got so built up the on day I just had to pull the plug.

A few days later he text me and said “i miss you” and i missed him too but me being the girl that i am i replied with an ok. then we argued a bit and then we stopped talking for a while, then i finally just decided to apoligize, but i was just a day to late, he already had a gf. Smh we kept a small connection but it wasnt an everyday thing then christmas came around and he texts me Merry christmas, i love you, i really did know if he meant to send that to me or not buti just guessed i was a not.

But i was wrong once agian and i just want to know how i could gethim back for there. we still communicate on a reg. but i ust wanna know if there hopes for an us again


105 Kristi March 27, 2011 at 3:16 am

What if they say you are ideal for them but they are scared of commitment and cant see themself dating anyone for a long time?


106 Heidi March 27, 2011 at 10:22 pm

My boyfriend and I were together for over a year and broke up about a month and a week ago. It devestated me. I still love him so much, and we went from the first week where he would text me every night and see if i was ok to now he is just rude. He also with in this last week started going for my cousin! How could he do that…? My own cousin? Out of all the girls out there. I recently just subscribed to the Jemina? I know that is not her name but it is the number one you advised. Is it to late for me to start ths program of trying to win him back because I waited a month to start?


107 cc March 30, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Ok me and My bf just broke up because we don’t hang out enough he says, we always get back together and he always says he is going to change nd says The whole big deal. Well we just broke up Again and he Is saying mean things Like going to other girls. Well How do I make him want me back nd to stick around afterwards? Also we’ve been together For a year nd he was My first.


108 cc March 31, 2011 at 2:54 am

So me and My bf r on and off For The past year nd Well When we r off I want him to come After me nd want me Is that wrong? Also those steps u have they just don’t Work on him so are there other things you could tell me to make him want me and to stay around? Plz I need help I’m always confused About us.


109 Jazz April 3, 2011 at 3:54 pm

P.S. also, I don’t know if all this NC rule and stuff will work on him because the last girl he had a thing with, a friend of mine, ignored him and didnt talk to him when he had a crush on her and now he wont ever date her. Like he tells her I gave you a chance and you blew it.

And only if it’s not asking for too much, would it be possible for you to answer me before Tomorrow? So that I know how to act around him at school tomorrow? Because I dont know if I should hang out with him, tell him how I feel or what?


110 Magarota... April 7, 2011 at 11:50 am

I was so depressed and desperate to get my exlover back when he left me lonely so I had to make use of a spell caster which I heard about on the internet. He was the one who helped me get my lover back within three days of contact, you reach him on prohetessjuan at gmail dot com.


111 Inez April 17, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Hey, ive been broken up with my ex for like 4months now and i really want him back..we broke up for a BIG reason. he tells me that he doesnt love me, he likes me instead. but its really confusing cause whenever i am with him he is always all over me and im thinking like i think he still loves me but why is it that he says he doesnt? maybe he is confused or something. i cant tell him anything from the past cause maybe i mightt push him away. Honestly to tell you the truth during our relationship, we would never fought or anything. our relatioinship was always organized and neat. He told me that i could be hes first love. I still love him but im not gonna tell him that. I need help on what to do…i dont want him to be with that other girl cause thats hes ex and she screwed up in the past. She hates me, i dont even know what i did but she does. Is there like any way for me to do something to get hes attention and wanting me back like crazy?
i really wanna marry this guy, hes my world..


112 Amanda April 10, 2011 at 7:06 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me after four months. I know its not long at all, but I think I love him. Because I wouldn’t feel this way after he dumped me. He told me he wasn’t “feeling it” anymore and he wanted to try being single. I broke the main rule and texted him a lot saying how much I missed him, demanding answers, and asking what i did wrong. He got very mad and told me that I brought down the chances of being together again. Then I read this. So I texted him one last time saying, “I’m sorry about how I’ve been acting. It was wrong to let you know how I was feeling. I hope I didn’t mess the chances of us being friends. It would suck to even lose you as a friend.” He replied saying its fine and I never answered. If I kinda ignore him in school will that work or should I still go to his locker and talk as a friend? Also should I just not text him at all? or just text like friends would? Thanks.


113 Unimportant April 11, 2011 at 3:02 am

Well just to say I’m young . first of all i know that blah blah blah your young you wouldn’t know but i’m certain that it was special. i broke all the rules ALL i called him i texted him and i tlked to him online .
my situation: he told me to delete all his pictures so that he could get a new gf.
he didn’t ask for his stuff back he wanted me to keep it .(is it okay ifi let him keep some of my stuff?)
i’m still in school so i don’t know what to do there, thankfully were not in the same class. but i have friends in his class also. he said i should just move on. i kinda know its all over but i still want to give it a try before summer* i know him well enough he is going to try to get another girlfriend in summer* . i really want to try before i just give up. its around exam term so i really need to be focused on my work so its not only gonna effect me emotionally but academically. i just need some hope from someone cause everyone is just telling me to give up


114 sara April 11, 2011 at 5:12 am

well i met him the end of junior year…
we hung out for 2 weeks straight and he asked me to date him right away and obviously i said yes :) it was love from then on we were together 24/7 that summer, it was the best summer for sure. then it came senior year and it started off amazing but then it time to apply for college. i applied, he applied to a few of the same schools as me. i live in ny i got into arizona, my dream school…this was dec of sr year
february he decided after 8.5 months we needed to break up to get used to not being together 24/7 and i was a mess, he said if he didnt do it now he knew i wouldnt do it because i was not ready to let go, well obviously it was feb i was not leaving for school until aug, i was a mess it was out of nowhere. well his plan was a fail because we still ended up hanging out everyday after school and hooking up and everything else.
he got into arizona, he didnt want to come here because he wanted me to have the FULL college experience and he asked me to prom and obviously i said yes
so may, the weekend before my birthday and our 1 year he didnt call me to hang out on a friday night so i sat in, he called me around 12 and he was like babe obviously i am so excited for next week but you need to understand we broke up for a reason and that was to get used to not hanging out all the time and if i dont call you one night i dont want you sitting home all by yourself.
anyway the next weekend was my birthday and our 1 year anniversary and basically he had a party at his house for me and i slept over and blah blah blah…
then it came to me going to arizona for orientation and he was writing to me all day saying how much he missed me and how he didnt think it would be this hard and this was just for the weekend
then came prom weekend, we took pictures got in the limo he kept whispering how beautiful i looked how he wouldnt want to spend the weekend or prom with anyone else
wildwood= shitshow first day we get there was amazing everything was fine then the second day we woke up early got breakfast the 2 of us and then that afternoon i found myself crying he hooked up with one of my best friends he apologized but he said he didnt do anything i found out from my friend so basically the rest of the night and next day was not too satisfying for me i was still so upset
so sr summer was a lot of drunk nights kinda blur we got into a fight once and it was a mess but after that everything was back to normal
and then it came to the night of me leaving for school i spent the whole day with him i stayed with him till around 11 and then i had to leave because i had an early flight but basically he cried on me like when i say cry i mean CRY why are you leaving why couldnt you have picked a school where i could drive to you he was a mess i was a mess we said our good byes i love you and he called me when i got home and we talked on the phone and he was like it is so surreal i cant believe you are leaving me after everything i still love you and i want you to be happy but you saw tonight i am going to be a wreck without you.
oh and he doesnt go to school, he is running his own bussiness with his best friend.
well basically i got to school and for the first 2 wweeks we talked everyday all day and then we got into a fight the hugest of all fights he deleted me from facebook he deleted me off bbm. i was a mess i would text him and nothing i would call him and leave him voicemails and nothing..then he blocked my number completely
then it comes to the weekend before i was coming home from school for the first time and he calls me and says hey i am drunk off wine i have never gotten drunk off wine before but its classy and it only felt right for me to call a classy girl and tell her i misss her i said well i am coming home next weekend and he said i know so im thinking you come over on friday and stay in bed and just talk all day and see what happens from there, so obviously i had the hugest smile on my face and when i got home i went over on friday and we talked and he said i had to block you because it hurt hearing your voice i was so hurt and miserable i was putting myself through torture but i miss you and when i do things i do it for you.
i said well i am coming back in 2 weeks so…he said so lets make this work so i came back to school till thanksgiving and we talked everyday all day we were back to our old selfs. then thanksgiving i saw him when i was home and he told me he had been hooking up with someone when we werent talking its nothing serious like it was randomly and i was in tears obviously and he said so i just dont know what to do like i want you to move on i want to know why you stilll want to be with me i said because every night at school when i go out you are the only guy i want i have never given up on us i still light up when i talk about you i still love you.
so he asked me out because i was going to be back home again in 2 weeks and i came back to school and once again talking all the time then i got home and it was his birthday i got lingerie for him and everything we went to the city all night it was so much fun i was home for 4 days and he said he couldnt do it anymore the distance was getting to him i was a mess again.
he said i want to still see you and hang out and get lunch and stuff well we didnt hang out after that. then new years he was in vegas with his best friend and new years day we had a 2 hr convo because i was upset about a lot of things and i opened up to him about a lot. coming back to school, my grades basically i was a mess.
then the night before i go back to school i see “marissa is in a relationship”.
i was flying back to school he knew my situation about me being upset coming back to school he didnt warn me or anything i just see it on facebook. COOL.
i bbmed him when i was flying back here and i freaked out i was so pissed and all he could say is why are you so pissed i dont get it. im like what do you not understand we were dating 2 weeks ago and now you are going out with some JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOLER, YOU ARE IN COLLEGE, well supposed to be.
so i am content with him now but i am still so hurt and upset. i was getting along fine until recently his bbm status changed recently to happy birthday to the one and only marissa, it hit me like a hard fucking bomb.
we talked after i saw that for a good half hour or so a few days later.
then tonight his bbm display status was boy + marissa 4eva and his bbm status was i luvvvv marissa. i couldn’t do it anymore i had to delete him off bbm. obviously he didn’t write that because he would never change his bbm name or status like that but it still hit me wayy too hard to keep him there

now i just dont know what is going to happen i come home in a month for summer i dont think i will be able to handle seeing him and her together but i dont want to be the immature one that has to hide myself i want to be able to be friends with him but at this point i dont know if i can. i still love him, he might have moved on, he might not have i really don’t know if he actually likes her or what


115 sara April 18, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Me and my boyfriend 20 days back. It was a rough fight. After the brokeup we decided to me friends but i was really bad about him i wanted him back. Begged cried etc etc. he didnt come back..
later we argued about one things again. Later he told me he still loves me but needs a lil time and doesnt wanna talk for a few days and i agreed. After a few days we spoke yesterday and fought again.
I really really want him back he is my life. I lied to him about my passed and he is pissed about it. He told me this… he even said all these days whatever i have told you its just out of anger and i didnt mean a word.
What do I do now ? PLEASE HELP ME OUT


116 sara April 18, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Me and my boyfriend brokeup 20 days ago. Our relatiionship was going very good.
I had a very bad past and i lied to my boyfriend about it. But one fine day i told hi everything he said its fine. But my friends use to taunt him and all which use topiss him off. He use to feel bad and this thing troubled him a lot inside.
One fine day we argued cause he was ignoring me.. and WE BROKEUP!
I begged him cried a lot. he didnt bother. We fought a lot a lot after the breakup too One day he told me sorry about everything. Whatever i told you it was just in anger and I brokeup because of this. I just needed a break from all this. and whatever he said was just out of anger and he stil lloves me. But he just needs a break and not talk to me for a while.
I agreed to this. Later one day we fought again like very badly. I really really want him back.. i have realized my mistakes. Please help me out please i am ready to anything to get him back!



117 cindy April 21, 2011 at 6:11 pm

after 3 months of breakup with my ex boyfriend, i realised i still love him alot and wish to be with him. However, we have different ideals. For him, he will like to live with his mother (due to influence of his mum) after marriage whom to me is a very quarrelsome and strict lady. for me, i will like to start my own family with a good conducive environment that involves less conflict. his mother learnt of this and ask him to decide what he want for himself. After which he appear to be very not committed or not interested in continuing our relationship anymore. Furthermore, we had frequent quarrels and hurtful situations that arose during our four years of relationship together. All of these lead to many ” breakups” but we patch up within weeks as we have feelings for each other…but it is only this time i am so certain of the breakup that he wanted it so much. For me i really wanted to be with him and having a happy marriage while accomodating the ideal of his, maybe buy a flat nextdoor for his mother? and thats what i told him before….


118 Person 1 April 22, 2011 at 5:10 am

my boyfriend did the worst thing. He cheated on me with my best friend. then broke up with me. THEN he got with my best friend what do i do?


119 Britney j April 22, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Hey, im really confused.

I had a rough break up nearly one year ago, we haven’t spoken since. He was my first kiss and the first guy i rly liked. I miss him so much. I dont no how to make up an excuse to be able to talk to him..

Then two days before valentines day my really long time crush asked me out this yr, we broke up to wks ago, the thing is, his lil sis an i have dance classes together and she comes to my house all the time and her mom is like my second mom, we habent spoke either..yet.. And i may b goin to his house an i think it will b weird.

I dont no which guy i love:/

I dont no how to talk either of them either sooo

Please help!


120 Mistery April 23, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I have had all this happen to me and i just want him back. :/ It’s hard to get over your first love!!


121 Morganne April 25, 2011 at 8:32 pm

So me and my boyfriend had been together for about one year and four months when he dumped me. He said we were too different, which we are different in lots of ways. He plays sports and I don’t. I have a nice house and my parents have good jobs… not so much with him though. None of that matters to me, but I know it can be hard on him though. Lately he’s been really busy with moving into his new house, basketball practice in the mornings, and school work. I have a lot of free time on my hands and I really started to miss him. For some stupid reason I got irritated and gave him a hard time about him not being able to hang out as much. I never really took the time to get to know his friends because I was scared they wouldnt like me. Now that I realize I was being too hard on him and pushed him away all I want is a second chance. I know I can be a better girlfriend than before. He means the world to me and life isnt the same without him. I wrote him a letter explaining how I feel… Is there anything else I can do to let him know we can fix things?


122 Hollie April 26, 2011 at 6:23 am

Hi Essy,
I was just wondering if you still answered questions.
I sent you an email, fully describing my situation. I really need your help!



123 Claudia April 26, 2011 at 5:43 pm

I need help!!

my boyfriend recently broke up with me about 2 weeks ago he told me he just doesnt feel anything for me anymore that broke my heart seein as im 8 weeks pregnant he knew i was and he still left me. i found out he been talkin to some girl from arkansas for about 3 weeks now they just recently started dating 3 days ago. im stayin in his apartment now because i have no where to go until i get a job and move out. we came sexually active about a week ago and now hes saying he doesnt even want to have sex anymore. sex is really all i wanted from him. i dont know what to do i try to be supportive in his realtionship. his gf was supposed to of been comin to town to see him this past sun. she called said she was here but she never showed i even helped him go out and look for her. when we couldnt find her he just stopped talkin till the next day. she hasnt called or texted him in 2 days now i really hope he leaves her n trys to work things out between us for the baby but i dont think he will. i need help someone please help me with this its too much for me to handle


124 Jennifer April 26, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Right so i’m quite young and still at school but i went out with this boy in my school who i really liked but then when the holidays came, we kept having fights on FB when he was drunk so after a while he said to me that he wanted to take a break but then a few days after he changed his mind :S. So i was quite pissed of at that, so we didn’t speak for a few days. 3 days later he send me a message on FB saying that cos we hadn’t been speaking or seeing each other that he hade met another girl who he’d “fallen in love with” and is now going out with but i was hopping that when we go back to school that he would realise that he still liked me but i dough’t that that will happen becose he is quite a player. But i still really like him everyone will think i’m mad to want to go back out with him but i still really like him and don’t know what to do.


125 bunny April 26, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Plz help! Me and my boyfriend where doing great. He was acting like he wanted me to move in and what have you. Telling me he missed me all day and even after I got there. Then boom 360 cranky and saying I deserve better. I really think theres more to this and he will be back but I dont know what to do to get him back. ASAP help!!!


126 marie April 27, 2011 at 7:42 am

My boyfriend and I arent in a good situation now :( he wants me to leave him because he says i dont show how much i love him..:( But i always try my best to & reminding him everyday that i love him.. he just wont believe me.. his trust is fading.. what should i do ?


127 Gena April 27, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Hi, I invested in the winhimback System, however, before doing so I broke every single rule in the book, my ex thinks I’m an obessive stalker and I didn’t realise what I was doing. Is there still hope? Or should I try and move on? Many thanks.


128 Kinsey April 27, 2011 at 11:20 pm

Ok so i broke up with my ex Bf about 8 months ago we were doing great then my friend said i should break it off and i said sure so i did and over txt i feel awful X( and he told me he loved me around a month after we split and i didnt say anything and when school started he flirted and i wasnt intrested but now he has a GF and i dislike her and my GFs havent been helpin and I want him and i think he likes me but idk and i want to go out with him again and im smallhes tall and we have known each other since we were in 1st grade and i lv him please help me get him back soon!!!
Lv, Kinsey :’(


129 unknown April 30, 2011 at 4:59 am

I broke up with someone, that fell in love me. I cant go a day without thinking about him. It has been two years since we have talked. I see him around everyday. Hes older than me. Im wayyyyyyy too intimidated to talk to him.
All i know is hes the only thing i would ever need to be happy. He does’nt look like wants to talk to me. He came into my life, i didnt come into his. Is there a way to attract him again and talk to him?


130 Allison May 2, 2011 at 3:17 am

ok so my ex boyfriend broke up with a girl to ask me out, i already thought he was the best guy ever so obviously i said yes. well anyway we were together for a month and he held my heart in his hands then he got me mad and i broke up with him only to find out that was what he wanted.

The next day he was back with the girl he broke up with for me. its been 3 weeks now and i cant stop missing him. i had to leave a store in the middle of a shopping trip with my mother because i saw a couple kissing in front of us.i can NOT take it anymore! I NEED HIM BACK!please help me before i break down even furthur. he is very speacal to me. even though he has killed me i would be willing to forgive him take him back and start kissing him right then and there no matter where we would be because i love him with all my heart, all my life, from the very bottem of my heart. he is my one, my only love! please help me get him back.


131 Phoenix May 7, 2011 at 5:32 pm

I am no expert but i have been through a lot of breakups. I know the rules, and i also know they’re sooo hard to follow.
the truth is this guy seems like such a player and that’s not fair to you. but i also remember my ex, who i am so much better without, and for a long time I didn’t care if he was a bad boy or not, i wanted him.
Not being whiny and desperate is the first key, if you can be casual and act like you don’t care, that’s even better. when you are in contact with him, try to make him laugh and just be the girl he wants…the guy wont want you if youre a problem.
but honestly, if you could move on…i think THATS the best thing for you.



132 Unknown May 5, 2011 at 8:18 am

I need him back ASAP I don’t want to lose him he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me … Ion gonna go crazy if I don’t get him back I don’t know what to do anymore I really need him back before things get worse!!!


133 Sarah May 5, 2011 at 11:25 pm

Ok I was going out with this really nice guy and we were hanging out at the local skating rink & anyway we had just got done making out & he when to the bathroom or something I don’t even remember anymore but anyway I went to talk to my my friends Michael & Shawna. I was tellin Shawna about the kiss cus we’ve been best friends since 3rd grade so I tell her everything anyway my boyfriend came back and heard us & thought we were bashin on him! So we got into this huge fight and I broke up with him but we promised to stay friends. Cus for some reason he wouldn’t tell me that he thought I was makin fun of him for being a bad kisser or something but yea one girl told him that I hated it everytime we would kid which wasn’t true & he got really mad & hurt and so he started saying some really mean things to me so I did the same to him and I was always wondering for months y he even said all that to me and we haven’t talked until recently and the whole thing was a huge misunderstanding and now I really miss him and I don’t no if he still loves me tho!!! Help!?!


134 Alyx May 7, 2011 at 4:22 pm

I’m not really sure what happen between me && my boyfriend but he stopped talking out of no where to me && then 2 dayys later he broke up with me, I’m missing him a lot && I seem to not be able to stop think about him.. so what do youu thinkk I should do??


135 Allison May 8, 2011 at 4:09 pm


Thanks for the advice. I recently had another cute guy ask me out and the first date went so well that im getting over my ex. My ex now broke up with the other girl and is now single. It took a lot of strength but i left him that way. now im happy with my current boyfriend so thanks phoenix!


136 sweetrere May 9, 2011 at 2:59 pm

i really need help i feel like im going to die plz help me you all i a have >>> my boyfriend broke up with me since 3 months after 1 week from breaking up i called him and asked him for another chance he refuses and he told me there is no hope, after one month i called back and tell him that i miss him and im still in love wid him and im feeling so much pain he just told me that he is talking to many girl sand he hates me and he is not love me any more and we enough, the problem is that i know that he is in love with me, now adays on fb we still friend but we didnt talk i sayed hi to him once he just signed out with out saying any thing on fb he just keep uploading photos for him that he is just living a great life ” he wasnt uploading his photo on fb until we broke up” plz tell me what to do im bagging u


137 Confused May 11, 2011 at 9:29 am

Hi Essy,

I’m feeling a bit silly right now. I’m not sure if my situation is different, or whether the same old rules apply…. So far I can promise I haven’t “chased” my guy or bombarded him with texts – as I deleted his number out of my phone, I couldn’t even if I wanted to! But I don’t know what to do.

I met this guy about 4 years ago. At that time he was really keen, and so was I…. but before we actually got physically involved, I changed my mind and blew him off.

About a year later, he got in touch with me again via facebook. He was keen, and so was I but once again, I changed my mind before things turned physical. He got angry at being rejected. A few months later I did sleep with him – and he wanted to carry on sleeping together, but he also said he wanted to keep things casual, so I told him to get lost. We kinda stayed friends – until I started seeing someone else, and he got jealous and angry, and that was the end of that.

Another 18 months passed, and he got in touch again. (About a year ago, now.) By this time I was single again, so he came over one night and we just hung out. It was a complete disaster – my ex-boyfriend (yes, the same one I’d started seeing a year earlier) drove past, saw that I had another guy over, and turned up banging down the door, calling me a slut and being quite threatening. It was horrible; I rang the police cos I was scared they’d beat each other up. After that, I stopped talking to the first guy – I felt like, once again, he was pressuring me. Oh, and did I mention he smoked – and it reeked – it was a total turnoff for me.

In January this year, he initiated contact AGAIN. We went out a couple of times, and I was really liking him. Til the second time we went out, we got back to my place, he wanted to get physical…. and I just wasn’t in the mood. He got mad (AGAIN) and stormed off. I wasn’t too impressed at his little tantrum so when he texted me over the next few days, I kept ignoring him, til he texted me telling me that I was low for just ignoring him, and gave up on me. I never responded. I was too annoyed at him for trying to pressure me.

But then everything changed. He sent me through another friend request on facebook a couple of weeks ago, and we caught up again. For some reason, this time I thought what the hell, I’ll give him a chance – and I slept with him. (Plus he’d quit smoking, and now he smelled good!) It was great, and I started to really like him. But I didn’t know what to do. He contacted me the next day, but I didn’t want to seem too keen so when he suggested catching up I told him I was busy, maybe next week sometime, and cut the conversation short. But then over the next week, he seemed more distant. He kept initiating conversations on facebook, but they were brief, and he seemed quite busy. I started thinking he wasn’t very into me – so I deleted him on facebook.

The next morning, I regretted having deleted him – so I sent him an email telling him that I really liked him, and always had, but that I’d always been too scared of getting hurt. I told him he was hot and fantastic in bed. I also said I felt really hurt that he’d ignored me and that he didn’t seem to have time for me, but that I hoped I was wrong and that the ball’s in his court.

And then I left it. That was nearly a week ago now; I haven’t contacted him since. I really think I have stuffed this up; I know I have acted like a total cow over the years and he probably thinks I’m just a total bitch. But I really like him!! I just don’t know why it took me so long to work it out!!

What do I do?? Do I just leave it? HELP!!


138 Alexis May 11, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Well. My ex- boyfriend and I had been dating on and off for at least four months. He had finally broke it off and we didn’t talk for a while until finally one day he sent me a text telling me how much he missed me. I decided to give him another chance because i really wasn’t over him either. A few weeks later he told me that we should just be friends. After that I was playing with my friend’s phone and saw some weird text messages from someone named ” tony “. Later on that week i talked to my friend erick about it. ( He was seth’s friend. ). Erick told me that he was planning to ask my friend out and they were going out on saturday. I was crushed. I immadiatley called my friend and asked her why she had lied to me. The whole time the guy named ” tony ” in her phone was really seth. She knew i wasnt over him yet, i dont know why she did it though. They’ve been dating for a few weeks now, and i just want him back more than anything I just have no clue how i could get him back..


139 Anonymous May 11, 2011 at 11:41 pm

i broke up with my bf (he wuz my best guy friend like my bff) cuz he nvr talked to me but i ges he wuz shy and i want him back but how? HELP!!!!!!!!! I MISS HIM!!!!!!


140 Sabrina May 12, 2011 at 9:25 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me after a 6 month relationship. He says he was just “over it.”
By the way, we NEVER fought. and i know for a fact that there isnt another girl. our relationship seemed perfect. we knew eachothers famillies and did everything together. i cant figure out where it went wrong. You should also know that I played the desperate card right after we broke up…. I know STUPID. but i cant change the past and already apologized for acting dumb. But not we rarely talk. How can I get him back?


141 Y-N-I gall May 13, 2011 at 12:02 am

Hey, I sent in a comment yesterday…but I guess it malfunctioned ?
So I have some questions :(
Is my situation hopeless ?
Okay pretty muchh this is the gist of things :
1. I moved to a new district for school last year
2. There was this “high-status” guy who liked me and eventually asked me out
3. But it didn’t last too long because for *some reason* (maybe you have an idea ?) He didn’t want anyone knowing & he wouldn’t tell me why
4. Some how the secret got out, and we broke up :(
5. So this year I wasn’t supposed to move back to the same district…but I did and he told my best friend at the time to tell me to ‘hit him up’
6. But he later on started this on & off relationship with this other girl who doesn’t like me that much.
7. They were off one time and he msged me on facebook. (Which he NEVER does unless there’s somthing* behind it )
8. So my insecurities of him getting bored talking to me got the best of me and I started acting sooooo diffrent and stupid & like I was trying WAY 2 hard.
8. After that he was on again with that other girl & idk if it was him or his GF but I got deleted as a FB friend.
9. Now he kinda acts weird. And so does his friends around me.


142 Jane May 13, 2011 at 12:03 am


my name is jane. my situation is a bit hard, after my last breakup, myself stem was low, so I started having quick and short relationships, the one night relationship on the club kind a thing . however, after that with 10 days I started dating this gay and he did have a thing for me , I knew that he is the one I must be with until the day I die .. , but I kept cheating him when he started to leave me because of his late hours job and the traveling thing because of his job. He said to me : “ I love u , change whatever your doing , I know about the cheating , I’ll wait 4 u”. I felt bad because in that day I was totally over my ex-boyfriend, and I knew that I wanted him, I started calling him, he said : no one changes in 2 days ! , we had met after that and had sex. Today I kept calling on him and he sent me a message saying to me : “ I felt I did something wrong , I cant stay with you, don’t call me again I don’t wana see ur number, I shouldn’t have to forgive u , I did something wrong , I love u , but I don’t wana love anyone anymore, I wana be alone.” How do I win his heart back ? I know I did a big mistake .. I love him , I truly do .. I hope its not to late .. I tried to suicide but it failed .


143 Paige May 13, 2011 at 12:03 am

Dear Essy,

Me and my boyfriend broke up about two months ago and he started going out with another girl. When we broke up it came out of no where. i had no idea it was coming. We still talked everyday for about a month and he would tell me that he loves me and everything but he would never break up with the other girl for me. We didnt break up because i was clingy or anything, he just started going out with another girl. i dont understand why he would tell me how much he loves me but then do nothing about it. about 3 weeks ago he texted me saying “come outside” and he was sitting in his car outside my house. He made me get in the car and we went for a drive, he told me he felt trapped in the other relationship and that he still has so much feelings for me. Me and his girlfriend dont get along for that reason. The next day his girlfriend had his phone and read text messages of him telling me these things and was hysterical crying. That was a perfect chance for him to break up with her, but he didnt do it. Then he told me that we couldnt talk for a while until things cooled down. Then after a week he texted me and we started talking again. after a few days it just stopped, he deleted me off facebook and everything. We havent talked since. I figured at first it was his girlfriend that did it but im not sure. i saw him last night with a bunch of friends and he was with his girlfriend, but he kept staring at me. i didnt make it look like i wanted to talk to him, so i think he thinks i dont care anymore. but thats a lie; because i do. should i try to talk to him? or should i just wait until he trys to talk to me; which could take forever? or should i just move on because this is never gonna work out the way i want it to.


144 Kasie Rockowitz May 20, 2011 at 12:53 am

Paige I’m goin to support you. Hang around other guys to make him jealous. If that doesn’t work out you will have me! If you add me on Facebook. I’m DeiDei Danna and my profile picture is a blond hair girl wearing a red and black dress!!!! Hope you add me! PLZ! THX!


145 Allykins May 13, 2011 at 12:04 am

Hello Essy.

This may sound desperate… But I don’t mean to be… My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday… New years day.. The worst way to start of the year…

For a while, we had been arguing because I felt that he was being distant and no trying to spend time with me. My family and I moved a few months ago, and I only live a little further than what I used to, so it’s nothing serious. I thought it may have been that he didn’t like driving to pick me up, since I don’t have my licence.

But even when I would spend time with him, he would either ignore me or hardly pay any mind to the fact that I was there..

Today would have been our 10 month. I read your article, and I just have a few questions…

He says he wants to still be friends.. But it does hurt… Would it harm us to still talk? I’m afraid I’ll cry every time I see him…

And another thing… I made him a present. It’s a scrap book of our first year dating… I still want to give it to him, but I fear it will push him away more. I only want to give it to him so that he can cherish the memories we created, just like me…

I also made and recorded a song for him.. Would it be pad to play it for him?

And lastly… It feels wrong to pretend that I’m not hurting around him.. But I love him.. He’s been my everything. We spoke of getting married someday and having children when we were married and ready.. But it was being honest with him about my feelings that kinda tore us apart… So is it right to pretend if it fixes everything and brings him back to me?

I don’t want him back out of pity… But because he believes we’re right for one another.. Just like how I feel…

I thank you for the time, and I hope that you can help me. It would mean so much to me if you could help me get back together with him.. He’s the first guy that hasn’t used me or cheated on me… And he’s the first guy to make me feel truly loved and cared for. I plan to try your advice… I just want to know if there is anything greater that I could do as well.



146 Mariah May 13, 2011 at 12:04 am


My EX boyfriend had broken up with me a few weeks ago over facebook on our seven months! And I’m still madly in love with him, and i need him back. well, want him back anyway… but i’ve broken all the relationship rules, i’ve begged, cried and everything. but we still have a sexual relationship going on? is this normal? and he shows that he still loves me, but he acts differently. he says he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore, yet its obvious he does. why could he be saying this? is it because he can’t stay commited to me and wants to get with other girls? because he is flirting with a fair amount of them, even sometimes when we were together. But, yet I still want him back. Can you please give me any ideas on how to get him back? Thank you!!


147 Trinity May 13, 2011 at 12:05 am

hey, me and my boyfriend dated for 7 months.. and like he dumped me over the holidays, and im still in love with him, but he seems pretty buisy. like hes got dates planned with girls, and like he flirts with a whole bunch of girls. and im extremely jealous, it seems like he doesnt even care about me, like he told me he loved me, and then he just dumped me an hour later? and i have been trying to get him back buy using your advice and like the video. but its not working, and i dont know what to do now.


148 Alexa May 13, 2011 at 12:06 am

Hey, okay so my ex and I dated for a year, and in that year we went through several ups and downs and breakups and makeups. I have to say your site is very accurate! I learned the hard way about several of these things! But now it has been several months, probably 6 since he and I last broke up and I still love him. I have had things with other guys, gotten a lot of new friends (since I dont spend every minute with him now) and from the outside it would appear that I have completely moved on. But I havnt. Since the breakup we have never stopped talking and hanging out. I still see him and spend time with him, but in small doses. I now compare every guy to him, and no one compares. He is simply who I am happiest with. Maybe this is becase he was my first love? I dont know. But what should I do now? Since time has passed and I’ve already put all of the jealousy and that into full affect. Should I try to tell him how I feel? ahh help please!


149 Jade May 15, 2011 at 8:10 am

Hi ya

I broke up with my boyfriend 2 days ago, we left it on a real bad note for the past his been really distant i think its cause his moved into his own flat but his being like this with his mum to, i dnt know what to do i miss him so much i didnt relise how much a loved him till i lost him i havent bothered texting or calling him but i’m so tempted to i miss him so much and would do anything to have him back he means so much to me and if there is any advice or anything i could do that you suggest please let me know




150 Jessica May 15, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Hey Essy,
So here’s my situation. My ex boyfriend and I had been going out for almost 6 months, and a week ago from today, he broke up with me. I’m absolutely devastated, and more than anything I just want to have him back. He told me that “he needs space” and “things don’t feel the same as they did”. It came as a complete shock to me, because I did not feel this way at all. He didn’t show any signs of feeling different, and we were going on the same way we had been for the past 6 months. When he broke up with me on Sunday, essentially he had said that he jus wanted a break, so Monday I didn’t contact him and he didn’t contact me, and then Tuesday he was telling me that he feels like we shouldn’t get back together. We barely had any problems in our relationship. We didn’t need to go out to have fun, we understood each other, and we had only had one fight. I haven conacted him (no matter how much I want to), and I’m posting positive things on my Facebook (but nothing that leads him to believe I’m completely over him). My mom is being supportive, but she’s putting me down every time I say I want to be with him again. I understand it, I mean we may not end up back together, I just wanted to know what you think I should do in order to get him back. What should I do? I’m not handling this quite well, in fact, I’ve been crying every day since (as I’m sure most girls do), so I would really appreciate your response as to what I should do to get him back. I’ve watched your video, and I’ve been following the rules, but is there anything else I can do? Help!


151 Sandra May 15, 2011 at 3:14 pm


I met this guy arnd 5 yrs bck and we bth were gng through a rough patch with our past relns so unknowingly we came close togethr..since then we have been very close to each other though it hasnt been an official reln. Reasn being he wasnt quite sure though he said that he likes me a lot but not love me the way he loved his ex gf. Though i was hurt every time he said ths, i ws still around him bec i had gt used to him..With time, i gt closer and used to him more..then this year he got a job out of country..things started deteriorating after that..He stopped giving me time the way he used to and when i started complaining and started askng questions, he started to push back..his reaction was completely different than what was there before that made me feel more insecure and i started to run behind him more..he told me he needs space and i was nt willing to give him..i even called up his colleague to know if thngs were okk with him and he got mad at me when he gt to know ths..he tld me he has lost patience and started ignoring my cls and replyng to ego was hurt and i wrote him a mail sayng tht he doesnt need to ignore me, i myself dont want to be in touch with him bec hes acted in a way i least expected..its been a week since we havnt spoken..I have had a history of fighting with him and clng him back so dnt wnt to do that ths time…We have spent some good times togethr that makes me feel he will cl back..but i fear anyne else coming into his life..pls help…


152 Jeremy May 17, 2011 at 8:38 am

I’ve broken the rules. beg beg and beg, text message terrorism, calling, pm-ing, and even going to their house at the middle of the night.

I admit that im mostly at fault. We’ve been together for 4 years and I initiated the break up with him last year before the month of our 5th year anniversary. I said cruel things like i don’t want him anymore and i’m too tired already and i have said those like i really meant them. I’ve wanted space that time because he’s being too possessive and too protective to me. then when i was all free, i was overwhelmed by the freedom i haven’t had for a long time and did such very rush things like having a fling with another man. I’ve caused him too much pain and suffering to the point where he thought of moving to a far place and dying. he did a lot of effort back then to get me back but i just ignored all of it and said more cruel things to him. almost a year has past and ive just then realized all of my mistakes and the things that i need to change in my attitude. however, by this time he has seen another woman whom he can give his attention and love. me hearing it makes me crazy, paranoid, and broke all the rules. I’ve been begging and doing all the wrong things for 3 weeks now i think. but now that i’ve read your article, it seems to make me feel better somehow. my only problem now is how to deal with my emotions like when im bout to sleep i tend to recall ever mistakes and “why’s”..having self pity and also every morning, it feels very hard for me to breathe cause i get paranoid bout him and the girl he’s now seeing.

when we had our first talk, he told he “why only now?” then he also said, he’s not ready for a relationship yet but he’s courting someone already. then he told me it’s impossible for us to be together again at the moment. then after a few days i still had a lot of questions in my mind so i’ve talked to him once again and pleaded. then that day he told me that he doesn’t want our relationship again cause he suffered to much already and he finds it hard to trust me again after knowing i had a fling and after the many chances/waits he had given to me before. but he said im still more than a friend but less than a lover and im still somewhat a special friend for him.

im starting to read articles about patience and how to handle the stress of waiting. im slowly taking them into my system but i just cant hide what’s inside. and it still hurts badly. but i got progress cause i havent cried for one night now! cause i used to cry every other night.

God Bless you for all your help.


153 yulia May 17, 2011 at 5:48 pm

ould you please respond to my email if you can -

I met the guy online. i live in CA and he is in NJ. he contacted me first – of course, i hate long distance relationships! he seemed very very intersted in the beginning. in a week he bought ticket and came here. we went to places, i showed him around. we had sex.
he called me every day several times a day. he said many nice things guys say. he asked me when am i going to move in with him. he said he felt like he wona lottery meeting me.

in a week he asked me to come see him in NJ. i bought a ticket and came to see him. for a weekend. it was great, it was my first time in NYC. i stayed at his place.

he called me constantly after that. every day several times. he went to see his family in Israel and called me from there every day. every day. he told me to buy ticket and come see him there. i just laughed. then he said he is mine and i am his. he said “no boys, Yulia”. “No boys!” even though i always date many guys at he same time until commitment – i agreed. no boys.

i dropped everyone else and started to focus on us.

then he bought me ticket in couple of weeks again. i came to NJ again. everything is perfect. we made shabbad dinner (we both are jewish), etc.

he introduced me to his staff (he is a business owner) and a partner. his partner is his best friend. he said his parter liked me a lot, ebcause i am smart and nice.(this was a week ago, i came back to Ca last sunday)

and then things started to change.he suddenly got very busy he told me – 2 huge projects on the way. i was the one now to call him and check on him. he texted me during the day from time to time. last time he initiated conversation was last saturday. he said he is going out. i was going out too and told him about it.

sunday i texted and asked if everything was fine, he said yes, he is working and will call me in an hour (i did not ask when he is going to call, never do i do it).

he did not call ever since. i did not call either. neither did i text. i stick to “no contact” rule. but it is tough.

what is going on here? why talks about moving, about kids, about this and that weeks after first date when now he even doesnt pick up the phone to call me?

he is 32 and i am 29. he is extremely sexually attracted to me – he bites my ass, my legs. he kisses me everywhere. he wants me all the time. i am very very good looking woman. i have a lot of options. but i feel like giving up on him and moving on – there is couple of long term on and off connections I have and the guys waited for me for years (had sex with both). but he is the best and i really really liked him. i still do. i would move in a second if he offered it again.

what should I do? i want to move on because i am extremely proud woman and cant stand rejection at all.


154 Sarah May 17, 2011 at 8:06 pm

Hi, me & my boyfriend broke up a week ago, almost 2. We have a child together, she is turning 1 very soon. & we did lived with each other but now he moved back to his mom house. I’ve tried countless of time calling him & texting him but not only for me, for the best of our daughter. I’ve been telling him that he needs to come back to his family, & he’s not a child anymore stuff like that. He said he doesn’t love me anymore but he doesn’t hate me. I just think he needs to grow up & realize that he has his own family now. & i’m not forcing him to get back with me, but it’s for our daughter. & both me & him are still very young too, so maybe he just not realizing it now..


155 Taylor Cassidy June 2, 2011 at 1:19 am

This is true. He is acting very immature if he denies seeing his child.
IF he says no, then he must’ve been the wrong one. I bet you could do better.(:


156 Amber May 18, 2011 at 5:56 am

First of all I must say it is so refreshing to get on here and see that I am not the only one who is experiencing this immense pain. I would love to have some input on my situation as well. Any support helps. I was actually engaged to be married. We dated for two months and then moved in together and were together for three years. He is a firefighter and I am a nurse…fairy tale couple. I have never been happier than when I was with Mike. He is my best friend and I miss him everyday. He put me through nursing school and about the time we bought a house and I graduated, we started having serious problems. I think he started to resent being the sole bread winner and was anxious for me to get to work. We got into heated arguments about his mother and finances and there was a lot of pressure on both of us. An old friends brother started emailing me and a flirtation began. Mike found the emails between him and I (which were very innocent…saying things like my friend is going to hawaii for her birthday, if we go maybe ill stop by and say hi.) He asked me to leave and this other guy started calling me shortly after. We started up a fling and Mike was really hurt by this. I moved to Oregon (thinking that’s where I wanted to be) and kept the long distance fling with the other guy. Mike and I kept in contact. The fling ended and in Oregon, I was living with the “flings” sister. So on top of this already complicated mess, the little brother of the fling and my room mate in oregon, started coming around and eventually professed his love for me. I was broken, not over my fiance, and damaged from the toxic fling and went for this loving cuddley good time guy (the little brother). I am young, I made terrible mistakes, and Mike knows all about it. He is angry, he is hurt, and I don’t know if he will ever forgive me for my rediculous behavior. What should I do to make this better? Or is there anything. I lay in bed at night and sob myself to sleep. My heart is so full of dispair because I am still so much in love with Mike. We had a romantic weekend together a couple weeks ago because we had not seen each other in a month or so. I kind of pushed the relationship thing and he pushed back. He says he’s not ready. That he wants to move on and be himself for a while. Ouch.


157 Danielle May 19, 2011 at 12:14 am

I have a question. I liked this boy. He liked me. We dated. Became boyfriend and gilfriend and just recently he brokeup with me. Ive tried to talk to him, but all he says is, “WHY NOW?!?!”
What do I do?


158 Kasie Rockowitz May 20, 2011 at 12:40 am

Well you gotta have some time thinking “Do I really want to get back together?” If you do hang around other guys MAYBE he will get jealous and want to get back. Another way is talk to him when he isn’t busy. And say this “I’ve been thinking i really want you back,and how you made me happy and maybe I’ll change JUSt for you!” OK good luck!


159 Ava May 19, 2011 at 1:49 am

Hi. My boyfriend Jimmy and I broke up two days ago, and I am really heartbroken. I loved him so much, and no one else, and I still do. Well, he said that he broke up with me because he thought I wasn’t being fair to his friends (which is not true), and that I didn’t support his job, (marine). Well, I hav been sad for around 2 days and now I am wondering how the heck to get him back. He said he still likes me as a friend but my friend said he told her that he still likes me. I just don’t want our relationship to end this fast!!!!:( Please answer with the email I displayed, Essy!


160 Dont want to say May 19, 2011 at 11:35 pm

My boyfriend and i broke up in October. I was the dumper and i really like him now. I mean I moved on at first but now… its different. Today was a big day for me. I told him i liked him again. He looked at me and and said, “Me, you like me?”. I was so scared, so i blurted out, “ya, um byee”. i was so nervous! I really want him to like me but i don’t know what to do after i told him. I hopes he likes me, and i just want him back. Please help


161 Shannon May 20, 2011 at 1:21 am

i am 19 years old..
my “boyfriend” broke up with me about 2 weeks ago because i cheated on him.
yes, i know it wasnt right to cheat on him but i had my reasons (thats why boyfriend is in quotes.. he didnt want a serious relationship and wasnt ready for a commitment)
we were together for about 5 months and he ended it with me over the phone. my friends say hes not good for me but i dont care what they think i love him. im heartbroken and just dont know what to do.. i want to call him but i cant because i dont have a phone right now.. all i have is facebook but i dont want to message him on facebook because i feel like thats not the confident thing to do. i recently borrowed my friends phone and texted him for a little bit and he says he misses me but its messed up what i did. i apologized and told him i took him for granted. i have given him time to cool off its been 2 weeks..
my question is.. how do i get him back? i miss him so much and i need him back in my life.. please help me!


162 Lynnette Blakely May 20, 2011 at 2:50 am

Hi my boyfriend’s name is kevin and we have been together for 5 long years untill a month ago he saw his cousin driving my truck so he broke up with me and as a result I try going by his house and he won’t even come outside and talk to me and I call his phone but he never answers. I have tried talking to other people but nothing helps and now he’s talking to a girl that my ex best friend just hooked him up with and I saw his picture on her profile page and now this whole situation is driving me crazy I mean I try to reach out to him and tell him how I really feel but its like he does not want to hear anything I have to say some one please tell me what to do about this situation


163 Lilian May 20, 2011 at 12:14 pm

I had a bf i was dating a year ago wen he was a student in his final yr,things were really fun n we were in love although he was the type that does not xpress his feelings verbally,,d problem started when he got a job to another place and then it bcame a long distance,he had a problem cos he gv me money below my monthl allowanc n i rejected it cos its bn 3mnths i saw him last.we jst stopd talking afta he sent me a txt sayin he was disappointd in me,i dint evn respond cos i was getin bored of d rship.i applied d first method u mentiond,i dint call him,few months lata he called n dat was hw we got talkin bt not datin.jst few weeks ago,he called me to say he misses me trebilly,n honestly i stl love him n i no he does,am planning on going to see him ova d nxt wkend jst to go n show myself


164 Sam May 21, 2011 at 2:32 am

I started dating this guy i had known when we were kids but just found each other again. It was like we clicked and could talk for hours every day and never get tired of it. We started being more a couple after like a week or so of finding each other again. Everything was great for almost a month…we saw each other on the weekends bc he worked and lived an hour away. I have a kid as well and he seemed great with him, played with him and bought him toys and when we went out he included him in our plans and always made it seem like what he wanted. He would send me texts all the time telling me how much he wanted us to be together and a family and how he never wanted to lose me. We had our first little fight a few days ago and we talked about it and it seemed like we were okay bc it was a misunderstanding about what was said not really us fighting……well then he told me we needed to talk face to face bc we werent seeing eye to eye on things but before we sit down together he sends me an email telling me that it wasnt workin out and we should be friends and see where it goes from there bc my kid had called him “daddy” a few times but he is only 2 and calls everyone the wrong name and didnt mean it but he said it weirded him out and scared him and that we moved way to fast(which was all him moving it that fast). pretty much he said he is getting crap from him mother for a car accident and work and his ptsd and then a relationship was too much and he was scared so he thought we should be friends….but i dont want to be just friends bc there is soo much more there between us and i dont want to lose it bc of something stupid. What should i do??? im supposed to see him sunday but i dont know if i can, how should i go about this to win him back???


165 elizabeth May 22, 2011 at 3:50 am

I dated this guy for 1 year and 2 months we broke up 9 months later i love him and still wont him and i didnt wanna be clingy towards him so i left him alone and he is the type of guy that dont show much affection but when i left him alone he texts me all the time we might be getting back i say all this because all you girls that are having trouble with your exs and you wont them back let them come to you i did it usually works if it really is over wich i thought then all you can do is pull through you can do it no matter how bad it hurts guys are complicated but so are we if you wont them back wait and if it dont work just know there is someone out there for you no matter what ..


166 Carol May 24, 2011 at 8:40 pm

Hey me and my boyfriend had to break up because my parents alomost found out we were dating (im not suppose to date i was suppose to be focusing on my grades) so we decided to be friends and it was hard we talked it over and i asked do u still wanna secretly date and he said i wuld but i cant what does that mean? i want him back sooo badly but dont know what to do we dont talk to eachother at all anymore we dont even look at eachother. I need him back please!!! help Thank you


167 Sean May 24, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Me and my ex boyfriend was in a relationship for two years and he broke up with me may 22, 2011. he said that he dont love me like he use to. We still live together but in different room, and I dont know what when wrong. But i do that I stop doing my hair, and dress up no matter if I home or a work, and my self-esteem drop also I think he started to knows that. What should I do to get him back before the end of this year.


168 SimpleJewell May 26, 2011 at 3:08 am

Well my ex boyfriend and I were together for 7 months before he broke up with me. He is my first in basically everything, first serious relationship, first love, first guy I had sexual partner. Well at first I thought he was just going though a phase because he broke up with me 3 and half months into the relationship due to some issues we had told me once he makes up his mind it’s made up and I continued to contact him and a week later he came back so I thought it was the same for now and did the same routine but found out one of the reasons he may of broken up with me because his “homegirl” he liked for years came back in the picture after she broke up with her boyfriend telling him she was willing to try being in a relationship with him. I know she is using him because I found out that he liked her for years and always asked her but she would throw that don’t want to mess he friendship up car but would sleep with him. I know these things because he told s mutual friend of ours and Even told our friend it’s been ok and how she is physically there but he is waiting for her to be there mentally and emotionally. He also said he did love me and saw me as someone to marry but he knew her longer. Well after finding that out I still wante to be with him so I kept contacting him, I asked about the girl and he told me she was not the reason we broke up which I know was a lie. One time he had text me and asked if I received text messages and ended up telling me the girl wanted to be in a relationship with him and how they were arguing because he was explaining to her relationships take two people not one and how she is a good friend and he cares for her and doesn’t want to hurt her but he told her he didn’t want to be with he which I know was the other way around. He later told me those messages would determine if we get back in the future or not. Well another time he hit me up saying I never sleep and least he knows if he needed me I would be there. But it hurts so I decided to try NC but somehow caved it worked because when I didnt contact him he would contact me. Well today is a month we been separated and I decided to fully do NC even though i will see him everyday since we work together do you think it’s a waste for trying to get him back or should I move on?


169 Xun May 27, 2011 at 3:14 am

Hey, Essy,

I wish I have seen your website earlier so I would have stayed calm and everything might have just turned out to be different.

Me and my ex were doing long distance for about 1.5 years (before that we lived together for about 1.5 years) and everything was great. We msned everyday and webcamed everynight. And I just flied to see him in April. Everything was just fine till he met this girl a week after I went back to my own country. He didn’t tell me at the beginning, but I just felt something different. So I asked him if there is a girl who he may have a feeling for. And he admitted it. I got so mad and scared when he told me that because I love him too much and I’m afraid to lose him. I told him I wanted to break up tho I didn’t mean it. And at that time, I think, he was confused. I guess he wasn’t sure if he wanted me or her so he begged me not to break up with him. So I didn’t. But that didn’t work out because I was so desperate and was in such a hurry wanted to win him back completely. I think I did push him hard. Then several days later he told me, he wanted a break from me. He said his feeling for that girl got stronger and stronger everyday and he was afraid that it would get out of control. And as I knew, he asked that girl out right after he broke up with me. I don’t know how things work out for them because I haven’t got any piece of information from him for the last three days. He is such a great guy, like who can resist his charm. So I think 95% of chance, they’re dating now… But I’m still in love with him. I don’t think I can ever love anybody else like I love him. I really really want him to come back… I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should give up or wait… I feel desperate and hopeless…


170 Tabby May 29, 2011 at 2:02 am

heyy well me and my boyfriend broke up like last week and i really love him alot and the reason why we broke up is because people have been telling him that im messing around with other guys and i have barely left my house i have been nothing but faithful to him and it makes me sad he never believes me…and i dont get it because he cann go out with his friends who are big players like every weekend and go to other towns and dances and stuff but i cant even go to my firends who actually live in town and i cant do nothing cuz they are good friends with him and they are all taken by a guy so its like how am i doing anything but i dont know what to do because im like in love with him he is like my everything and i told him how i feel but he just says yeah right also he says that he cares about me but i dont know what to believe and dont know what to do


171 Lera May 29, 2011 at 4:49 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me and i feel like it was my fault and that i got him onto this decision. I miss him and need help getting him back.
We have been through ALOT together and sure grew very close. He was having his exams (IGCSE) and he couldnt hang out anytime because of this. He had my facebook password and ive been just playing around flirtingly with a few guys (nothing serious plus i kept mentioning i have a boyfriend to them). He grew jelous. He tried breaking up but we got together the very next second because he said he couldnt understand what he was doing and asked for me to forgive him and forget everything he said about the breakup. We havent seen each other for about 2 weeks. Then he didnt write to me so i wrote to him a few times to keep in contact but stopped eventually because i thought “why is it me always writing?”. We havent talked and met up for another week. The. I get a message from him saying he doesnt want to date me anymore and thinks the only way we can move on is by breaking up. We had a tough conversation and he sounded like he hates me and doesnt care about me at all. I want him back and u really love him. I do not believe in the fact that he could feel nothing towards everything we have been through especially after just a week ago he said about how much he loves me and that he never loved anyone more than me before. We wont be able to see each other again unless meeting up and he doesnt seem like he wants to talk to me ever again. Im stuck. What should i do? I really need help. I cant stop thinking about him. Please help me.


172 Iya May 30, 2011 at 2:24 am

My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. We were together for almost 4 years. I love him so much but he said he already gave up on our relationship. He said he felt like he was being choked all the time and when we broke up, he felt free and happy. But I feel different.. Because I think I did all those things that he said was choking/restraining him because he doesn’t have enough time with me. He’s super busy all the time, and whenever he has free time, he wants to hang out with friends. I really feel neglected.. And after one major fight, he said his love for me just vanished. But later told me that because of all the problems, his love for me was slowly disappearing..

I miss him so much. I can’t even explain the amount of love I have for him.. He’s also my bestfriend. I don’t know what to to. I can’t lose him. I already wrapped my whole world around him.. He was the one. It really really hurts. I don’t know what to do..

I am trying to fix this with him. But I feel that he’s only pitying me. I want to win him back. Please help me.. I’m going to lose my bestfriend and the love of my life if I don’t do anything.. Please.. I’m super desperate.


173 Sim June 22, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Hi All,
I guess i fall part of the above. My bf broke up with me 3 weeks ago. He is quite an unemotional person, and after three years he is still finding it hard to even say he loves or misses me. We have been dating for three years and this will be our second break up. I do want him back- he said he needed spaceto sort himself out- and try and figure out why he is this unemotional. He does come from a somewhat robotic sort of family. They never express their feelings. So he felt that he cannot torture me this way any longer, he knows i need emotion he said. So i am pretty sad- i really thought we could work it out together.
I havent spoken to him in 3 days- i have this problem of calling him- we get along so well!

If anyone needs a shoulder: email me on simmypet26 at gmail dot com
at this point speaking to someone in my situation is what i need. everyone says i should forget him, yes i understand how everyone else feels, but no one really actually cares for me.

Get in touch!
and to all out there that is hurting, i know how you feel.


174 alex kliaman May 30, 2011 at 3:00 am

I broke up with my boyfriend after 3 months of us being together to get some space and work on school. we spent some time apart and we both loved eachother. After a bit we started hanging out again and we were kinda dating without the ‘label’ it was great but then all of a sudden he said things wernt working and he didnt love me anymore and a week later he started dating someone else. I still love him and want him to know that. I think his new girlfriend might be just someone to get over me. They have been dating for a month and a half but i cant stop thinking of him. school is almost over and i’d like to just go up to him and say i love you…. we never talk anymore and we used to be best friends when we were dating. Any advice?


175 neffie June 1, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Hello!! So my boyfriend well ex bf and i broke up maybe almost two months now. Its really hard for me to get over him. The reason he broke up with me is because he is going to college and he is living on campus..So i told him i am going to be 100 percent supportive on any decision he makes, but it is really hard for me to move on and meet new people. Im scared to say i may be in love with him, but i really dont know. Honestly i do want to get back with him. Even though he will be away , but just knowing im with him will make me okay!! So everyday i get i would pray that some way some how God will bring us back together. YES we are in contact. we still talk and text each other and i know he only did it to help us but it bothers me everyday knowing im no longer with him.


176 mary beth June 12, 2011 at 6:26 am

This is insane. Literally the exact same thing happened to me on May 31st. My bf and i had dated for 2 years and i know i’m in love with him. I’m trying so hard to stay strong, but it’s so difficult. Everything reminds me of him…


177 Taylor Cassidy June 2, 2011 at 1:14 am

Hello there. ^-^

My problem is…me& him broke up in February, but I told all my gal friends I missed him.

One went out wtih him the day after. After THEY broke up, this really pretty girl went out with him around April…And they are still going out. I mean, I told BOTH of them and they go out with him anyways.

I explained to the pretty girl that I still like him& now she sabotauged mine and his friendship…

Any advice? It would help a tonh.



178 Ellie-Grace June 5, 2011 at 9:04 pm

I’ve been going out with this boy, he’s so sweet and kind and charming.
But he threatened to hack ma bffs acc (on facebook) !
He told me to do it for him!! I said no way and that it was mean !
Then we had a really big fight! Now he does no talk to me!
Or answer my texts, he says he never wants to see me again.
I still want to be friends though ! He he’s pushing me away!
Was it he right thing to do? Shall I get him back?
-Ellie-Grace xx


179 Loure Butler June 6, 2011 at 6:59 am

hi my boyfriend broke up with 2 days ago & he did not tell me why he broke up with me he just said he done feel the same about the relationship as he did before. we were madly madly in love and out of no where he broke up with me. i refuse to watch someone i truly love walk out of my life im waitig patiently for him to realize this is not what he wants he has shown signs that this is not the end. how long do i wait to tell him how i feel or do i wait for him to say something to me & what if he doesnt. im 18 im not gonna wait around forever


180 Sidney June 8, 2011 at 12:15 am

When my ex-BF and i broke up we hadent tak for 3 months then i needed so guy advice and he knew me so well we started talking. (here is the story) Last night my Ex-BF and i stayed up talking untill 3:45 when i said i had to crash he begged me not to quit talking to him but we were both so tired. and i couldent risk him getting mad at me. so we went to bed and at 8:00 in the morning! he txt me saying “hey baby” and we talked and her even kept saying how much he loved and missed me (well so did i but we are focusing on him right now) so we started talking again and out of nowhere he is like “I got asked out” so i said “O really? :( ” and he replays with “yea” so i said “who is she and what did you say?” he then told me he said “yes.”

we then started not talking or looking at eachother the same way. now i cant stop thinking about him and want him EVEN MORE then I did and trust me that was ALOT. he know i feel this way.

what do i do?!?!?


181 Marie June 8, 2011 at 4:32 pm

I don’t know what to do.

Over the summer, I absolutely fell in love with a gorgeous man (unfortunately on a working visa). The entire time he was the one outlining our relationship, that we were actually together and all that. He was planning on moving in with me until his visa, this was all going well until I get a message a couple of days before saying ‘he’s finally fallen in love and it’s too dangerous to live with me since this isn’t his country and it’ll only be harder leaving later’. This came as a real shock for me, especially since I didn’t even get to say goodbye and before I knew it he’d left the country. Going from speaking everyday to every now and then was bad enough, yet I could deal with it since we weren’t going to attempt the long distance relationship. But, now he’s deleted me and removed me from all contact. After saying, I’m all he thinks about and I’m in his dreams most nights. This is the exact same as me, it physically hurts being away from him. I’m most likely going to be in Europe by the end of the year, but I don’t know what to do? What if he still doesn’t want to talk to me and he succeeds at moving on, which is what he is so clearly trying to do. I don’t know if I should attempt the impossible and move on or hold onto the hope which he said so himself ‘If I come to Europe it’ll definitely be different’.


182 Jenny June 11, 2011 at 6:04 pm

need help!

Ive been going out with my boyfriend for about a year and 2 months and he loves me and i love him and everything but im confused , a couple of days ago i was just chillin on facebook and then my ex liked one of my pictures and for some reason i clicked on his profile and started talking to him just like ‘hey how have you beenn blahblah’ but everytime he replyed i felt well happy and i got butteerflys and i was getting all happy and then when i got off the computer i wasnt really paying attension to my fone but then when it made noise i checked it and it was a message from my ex saying go back online but i couldnt because i had my boyfriend over and i felt like he would get angry at me if he saw the messages but i dont know what to do i cant go back to my ex because everyone at school willl give me so much sh*t and to top it off me and my boyfriend go to the same school it would be so hard to ignore eachother but if i talk to my ex i get that excitement that i dont really get anymore with my boyfriend what should i do anyone got any good advice?
thanks , Jenny :/


183 Beth June 12, 2011 at 8:20 pm

hey, my boyfriend broke up with me almost a month ago now. he told me it wasn’t my fault for the break up and said that he just didn’t feel comfortable anymore. in the evening of the day of the break up i went up the park with one of my mates and ended up bumping into him and his mates out of the blue. because i had got friendly with his mates during the time we we’re seeing one another we all decided to hang out. i oftern caught him looking at me that night and we had spoke alltogether about some of the good times we had in the past and how i had looked after him in his hour of need. although deep inside i wanted to burst out crying and tell him how i felt i decided the best thing to do was to try and be his mate and act like i was okay about the whole situation but then he was trying to make me feel jelous by flirting with my mate whilst we we’re out then asking for her mobile number over facebook. she put him in his place and told him that he couldn’t go on the rebound with any of my mates and until stuff was sorted between me and him stuff would be wierd between us all.
i’ve seen him a few times more since then. last sunday night i was in the chinese with the same mate and he and his dad walked in out of no where. although i spoke to his dad like normal. he looked at me for a little bit then completly blanked me and my mate when we made an attempt to say hey. all i really want is him back in my life but i don’t know what i should do.
in the past few weeks all that has been on my mind is him. i miss him so much but i don’t know how i should approach him anymore? :(


184 Lola June 12, 2011 at 9:49 pm

So I am currently dating someone,we’ll say Jake, but I am to soon end things with him because for me the spark has died… I think about someone else all the time, say Joe, even though I am with my boyfriend Jake! A little history: Joe and I met a year ago and had a fun fling for the 2 weeks that I was visiting him. After that I had to leave for another year in school, out of state, so we texted and spoke on the phone for a couple months. It was about then when I met Jake and we started dating. Jake was with me at school while Joe was not. So I was starting to date Jake while still communication with Joe! Joe was coming to visit me when I told him I was dating someone else.. his visit then never happened and communication basically ended. Ever since then, even though I’ve been in a relationship, all I’ve wanted is to be with Joe.. but I don’t know how to go about doing it! I I’ve sparked up conversation with Joe via the internet.. but I don’t know where to go from here. . I know I am someone he cared about a lot and wanted to continue getting to know farther, but when he found out i was with someone else… things ended.. What should I do?!?! I have fallen hard for this guy! Please help!


185 emma June 15, 2011 at 2:20 am

me and my boyfriend broke up about three weeks ago due to him saying the feelings for me has been frizzing out the last month. Which I don’t understand due to him wanting to see me every day for the month. So I was actually mature and stated ok that fine I be out of your life for good. He stated that he still wanted to be friends. I stated right now that not happening cause he was a coward for ignoring me for three days till I caught him off guard with a phone call which he told me he did not want to be with me. The next day he called me to see how I was doing. We talked for bit. Then on Monday he came over to get some money I owned him and wanted to give back to him. We ended up sleeping together. for the next three weeks he was at my house sleeping with me . A few days after we broke up he told me an old female he knew started to texting him out of the blue( I BELIEVE THEY MET UP AGAIN AT A PARTY I DID NOT ATTENED) and now he is interested in her. I told him then I would leave him alone and he stated it fine to talk him cause he doesn’t want her. He told me he was not sexually aroused by her when she came by his place two days after he broke up. And the last few weeks he kept telling he that the feeling for is gone blah blah but I caught him lying to me about talking to her. He keeps saying negative comments about her to me. I tell him she seems like a class act from what he says that they belong together and I leave his life for him to be happy with her. He hasent told her that he is single yet cause it none of her business. but the main reason I am writing is that he keeps giving me like weird messages like he wishes I acted like this way when we were dating and maybe in a few years we get back together. And that he loves me and saw a future with me. I feel sometimes he wants to be with me and other he pushing me away by saying I should date other ppl. he stated that he is going to an art gallery to get to know the other girl but doesn’t think he wants her. HE ended up going on a month vacation earlier this month but he called me from the airport being rude by making fun of a guy I was going on a date with and also telling me about the girl texting him and saying she really wants to hang out with him when he gets back and she worried about him forgetting her. he told me he just finds her ok looking and having ok personality but then he told me I should have went on the trip with him and he would have paid for it and other shit. we haven’t talked in two weeks. I just finished buying the book you recommended win him back . Do you think it too late ?and what do you get off him?


186 melly June 15, 2011 at 11:49 pm

so me and my boyfriend broke up because he thought i was cheating on him but i wasnt …i only tried to make him jelous because i thought he was cheating on me..but he wont believe me so we had an arguement and he said he loves me but he feels like he cant trust me..but i didnt cheat i then he broke up with me and i want him back …i miss him so much


187 Ailee June 16, 2011 at 2:11 am

Hey, i have a question , My boyfriend and I had a recent breakup maybe around may, We took some time part and were working on getting back together and reconnecting ,by hanging out and doing stuff that we did back then that made us happy. He says he cares about me and loves me ,But recently his ex started talking to him and getting in the relationship . for the past week him and I been spending time together and going out and doing stuff and just talking about what we need to work on and the main problem , Which happens to be him listening to other people or letting people get inbetween us. Today we were suppose to hangout but he said he was busy , so i went out with my girls and had fun and yes i told him , But he messaged my friend over facebook and told her to tell me ” all girls are the same , he’s gotten this far without one why does he need one now ,and to tell me to lose his number and he cant talk to me anymore ” , and said i went missing all day and didnt tell him where i went … I want to get him back , and i don’t know how . I’ve been faithful and truthful with him and I want him to come back . what should i do ?


188 tam June 19, 2011 at 9:27 pm

It’s been a week since me and my boyfriend broke up. He dumped me over text because he apprantley just wants to be friends, eventhough a couple of days ago he told me he might be falling in love with me, then a few days after he dumps me? I don’t want to be just his friend because I think I’m falling in love with him. What should I do?


189 Billie Lerry June 21, 2011 at 11:08 am

hey my names billie and my bf broke up with me two days ago, he found out his bestfriend and me liked each other. I talked to him more than i actually talked to my boyfriend but we never met up it was just kinda an other Facebook relationship. he found out a few days ago by going on his bestfriends Facebook and seeing all the convos. how do i woo him back? i need a plan to get him back

Thanks billie


190 Hayden June 21, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Hey me and my boyfriend broke up about two weeks ago. We had been dating about 4 months nd in the last month of our relationship he really wasnt himself and he started to detach, i didn’t know what to do so i tried to talk what was wrong with him but he wouldnt talk with me. Then he started ignoring me and after 4 days of that we talked and he said he didn’t wanna be with me anymore. It was so hard for me and i missed him so much so a week later we met up and talked and i aksed him if this was what he really wanted forever and he said yes because a relationship was too much for him. I know towards the end of our relationship i wasn’t really myself i was stressed and maybe a little clingy. The last time we talked he said he missedme but he tried not to think about and then he said sorry, he seemed so sad. What should i do? do you think we could get back together?


191 Marcella June 23, 2011 at 8:33 am

me and my ex went out for a year, and we didn’t fight or have argument.. then we both sort of pushed eachother away and said things we didn’t mean. we broke up in February and we stopped speaking. in march he got another girlfriend and I was heartbroken, and when asked about their relationship, they aren’t really bothered about eachother. we started talking in may again and at the beginning of this month, he told me he misses me and led me to believe he might come back.. but he showed no signs of it because he didn’t want to hurt his new girlfriend. I love him, and he said he still and misses me. I want to wait for him because I really think it’s worth it but how do I either deal with waiting, or get him to come back? helppp


192 Gigi June 24, 2011 at 12:31 am

So my boyfriend broke up with me over 3 months ago .. We went out for a little bit of time.. But to me it meant something … He was really special .. We talked a year ago before we went out .. But i ended it .. Around december of last year i texted him saying i miss you blah blah .. Ect.. The point is that during the time we started talking again i actually felt very appreciated it and i even introduced him to my dad .. I meant everything.. A week before we broke up we fought over the little est things .. He broke up with me in a party… I was extremely upset .. Later on i found out he cheated on me.. Wdfff !! He and everybody would always tell me he liked me alot .. So wtf would he do that … To this point i still miss him like crazy and my friends hang out with him and his friends and i dont get invited anymore .. Makes me miss him more and wanting to be with him.. Today is his birthday and i dont know if i should say happy bday bc we dont speak at all :(


193 Katherine August 18, 2011 at 2:19 am

Hi Essy,
I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago. We have been together for 2.5 yrs living together. He was considering to have a family with me. He said there is fundamental issue and personality mismatch. There were misunderstanding rolling and rolling. He doesn’t think it’s going to work if we get back together again. But he loves me the most in his life. He wants space now for his career and to be a better person. He thinks the problem is him that he cannot give all sort of securities to his girlfriends. And we fight a lot most of the time is my emotions, jealousy and insecure. He is painful and suffering too. His stuff are still at our apartment and he hasn’t take away any of them except the daily things for work. I am very sad and look terrible now since I only sleep for 2-3 hours a day now. What should I do now to get him back? Please help!!!


194 shel September 4, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Me and my ex broke up almost three weeks ago. Its difficult not to see each other throughout the week because we go to a lot of the same places and we live in a small town. But I have already been doing what you advised to do since we broke up. It seems to be working for the most part, i guess. The break up was a surprise to me because we had been dating almost three years (in fact our anniversary was last week). He claimed that he needed space and time to himself but that he still loved me more than anything. And he even implied that he wanted me to wait on him. But now I think he’s starting to get lonely. I know that every guy is different, but he isn’t trying to hide him missing me from me. Is there anything else I can do or is there even hope for him coming back?


195 Erica September 5, 2011 at 7:23 pm

Hi Essy, i was bored one day and also curious so i typed in how to get ex back on you tube and i saw your video and i also orderd the “How to win him back” article that you mentioned. Before watching your video and reading the article i broke all of the rules. I broke all of the rules now i’m hopeless and feel like my chances are wround. Also i feel like i had a chance to get him back but i messed it up because i started assuming that we was going to get right back together. Now i feel like all my hopes are out the window. I would realy apperciate it if you can help me, i would be so greatful and just plain thankful. I would apperciate it if you can write meback so i can tell you the whole detail..I feel like my situation is one of the tragic ones and also very difficult to understand, so getting one on one advice from you would be so great. Thank you!


196 Casey September 29, 2011 at 11:19 pm

My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago and each time I try to start to act happy around him he just starts to say and think, “See, you are happier without me.. and that’s all I want is for you to be happy.” So when he says this, I feel as if he will just move on so I just start alllll over and tell him that I do miss him, terribly. He says he doesn’t want to get back together yet because “He isn’t ready for love again” and “needs to find himself to be himself again”. I don’t know what to do! Please help me! ):


197 Tiffany October 10, 2011 at 3:56 pm

So my boyfriend, of a year and a half, broke up with me maybe a week ago, and his explanation was that we were being different people with different path, that he feel out of love with me, and that he has been feeling like he has to fake think himself to be happy being in a relationship with me, and wanted to break up with me because he didn’t want me to be hurt to know that he was being a fake boyfriend and i deserve someone better. It was a total surprise to me and to our mutual friends, because, he didn’t showed signs of “faking being my boyfriend” and the day before yesterday he was laughing at my reaction when he asked me a question about how we were doing so far in school and i told him i thought he would break up with me. i really want to get him back, and i have been giving his space and putting a confident person in front of him, I am trying to concentrate myself into dancing and other adventure i haven’t been able to do with him. I read your article and it seems great for me to try out this system to get him back, but I was just wondering in your real life example, how long did it take for the boyfriend to try to win her back? My friends told me to concentrate myself and not focus on him, which is really hard since we work together and go to the same school. I would really like your advice on what should i do from here? because from my point of view, he looks like he has moved on, not like getting a girlfriend or socializing with other people, but like looks more happy without me and i know he is concentrating on himself and giving me space, but i would like to know what should i do from here?


198 Megan October 10, 2011 at 9:22 pm

I broke up with my ex boyfriend a year ago, and since then we have become ‘friends’. But I want him back. I’ve been trying to get him back, and I’ve been ‘friends’ under the guise of hoping it will lead to us talking more and getting back together. But nothing is working.

I want to be with my ex boyfriend again. When I see him with someone else, it hurts so bad. He tells me that he likes this other girl, and of course it kills me on the inside, but I play it off as nothing. He says this girl stood him up, and he’s not into that, and doesn’t really want anything to do with her now.

But this other girl he was talking to is now talking to another guy, and he told me that he’s better off being a man-whore, than trying to be in a relationship, because nothing else is working. I wanted to just flat-out tell him that he’s stupid, that he’s not looking in the right place. But I don’t want things to be become awkward.

I have this feeling he may like me still, because he is always trying to get hold of me and talk. But I have no idea what to do.


199 DepressedGal October 17, 2011 at 12:29 pm

My ex and I have been together for almost two years. But I did something really foolish to hurt his trust towards me when we had just gotten together.

He forgive me and we carried on happily. But every time we quarreled, he’d bring it up and I know that it bothered him a lot.

I changed myself as much as I could do and I love him with all my heart. I do almost anything I can for him. He claimed that he wanted a cool down period two weeks ago but we did not contact.

I sent him a couple of text messages but he did not reply. I know it’s not a cool down period, it’s a breakup. Yesterday he gave me a ring, told me a lot of hurtful stuff. Telling me that we’ll never be together ever again; asking me not to wait for him; telling me to look for another guy who can love me; telling me that he does not love me anymore; says that the love is one-sided, that he’s giving up. But he does have a very high ego and a very stubborn character. I just don’t know what to do.


200 roseen October 21, 2011 at 2:33 am

Please help.
i dont know what to do. my boyfriend want to break up with me last october 13, but i refused, i called him and beg not to leave me and give our relationship another chance, i told him i really love him. i asked him why he’s leaving me, he said he’s not happy anymore. it hurt me so much.
last Monday i asked him to meet me.. In confused to what he did, he texted me that he couldn’t come and don’t wait for him any longer, but a few minutes ago he just appeared.. he surprised me..but when we talked, he told me personally that he’s quiting. i beg again. but until now we’re on.. but he’s not texting me… and abiding with the rules, im not sending him messages for 3 days. but today i cant help it. today is our monthsary, i greeted him and still says i love him so much..
i decided that while we were on, i will not text or call him often. is this right? i really want him to get back


201 ghada October 24, 2011 at 2:37 am

hi essy,
i hope u reply to this,im very very heart broken and hope u reply to me.
first of all i had a distance relationship. me and my bf met online and we started friends but the problem was that i was hiding my identity ,and put some actress pics and lied about my age and my sisters age etc . anyway i cudn’t help but falling for him and he ended up saying he loved me and i loved him so much but i cudn’t tell him i was lying to him and i kept this lie going on for about a yr and a half making excuses not to meet him and avoiding him if he came to my country,basically ive lied alot and the lie kept going bigger and bigger ”which i regret” but i truely love him so did he. anyway i decided that i cant keep lying anymore so i told him the whole truth,he said he forgave me and he still loved me and that we wud survive this but after a few days he suddenly changed and decided he cudn’t trust me anymore and he didn’t want to have a relationship with me anymore but he wanted us to be friends ,but he hardly contacted me but when he did we had great time talking and laughing.this was about a month ago .pls help me :(


202 Manow October 30, 2011 at 5:17 pm

First of all, your website is amazing. I never found something like this before.
My english is quite bad, so sorry about that.

I broke up with my ex for a very long time. It’s about five years ago and now he has his new girlfriend. She is really nice.
But the problem is i still love him, but i’m quite happy that he is happy with his girl.
Actually i’m the one who broke up with him, because that time i felt that he was not love me anymore and he started to cheat on me(it is not his present girlfriend). I can’t accept that so i broke up with him.After a few mouths, i realized that i love him very much. I always think about those wonderful memories and want him back so badly.
I still study in the same school with him, but in a few mouths we gonna finish that school and it is super hard to see him again. EVER!
I didn’t catch up or talk to him so much, so we are NOT so close friend!

Now i really what to start. Should i let him go and suffer alone until i’m over with it which i don’t know when or i should do something to get him back, but i think it’s gonna be super hard because it is so long time ago.

or at lease suggest me what i should do.

Thank for reading this(because it is so long.)


203 oh well November 26, 2011 at 7:07 am

You broke up for a reason. Before you even think of getting back together make sure you clearly identified why you are not together. Then ask yourself (honestly) – can the reason we broke up be repaired? If not you should just move on. Why would you want to go back to someone who knows you well and has rejected you? Just move on and spend your time improving yourself so when you meet someone new you will be all the more attractive.


204 kathy January 10, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Hey Essy

Thanks so much for this webpage, it really helps me get through some tough times.

I just wondered whether what I’m doing (which is no contact) is right in my situation; My ex boyfriend broke up with me after 9 months and I begged for him back, which he agreed to. My ex then ended it again after only a week. He said he didn’t want to be in a relationship and that he loves me etc.

I have to see him everyday at school but having no contact isn’t an issue as he ignores my existence anyway. I just want to know what i can do to get him back – permanently… please help it would mean the world to me.


205 Megan January 12, 2012 at 6:19 am

My situation is the most messed up, awful series of actions I could have possibly done to a person but I am determined to win them back. I apologize for the length in advance.
I met Chris my freshman year of college. He was a dishwater blonde, short, freckled trouble maker. NOT MY TYPE. He came into the store I worked at and told me that he waked around the mall for two hours trying to muster up the gumption to ask me out. He did, I finally actually commited to plans with him 3 weeks later. I was in head over heels by three months. He was my best friend, seriously the love of my life. We were incredibly goofy together, at the time I was living in the college dorms and he had been band from entering (due to taking all the doors of the floor off the hinges and using them as beer pong tables) I snuck him in in a suitcase past security and safely into the elevator in which he jumped out and scared the living daylights out of the that were also in the elevator. He went on a family vacation and my ex who had moved to Cali showed up and this gave way to many instances where I cheated on Chris. I confessed to all the occurances and he still took me back. I declared my major to be pre-med and doubled my original major with nursing. I was a motivated, two job holding, attractive young girl dating a college drop out that I routinely bailed out of jail and wasnt considered a “sexy great catch”. Long story short he did everything for me, gave me his car, bought me diamonds, made me breakfast …if I said jump he said how high. I also had a drinking problem and because of that I had routinely made a fool out of myself in front of his friends….. they all hate me. One night at a party that Chris and I went to I met RJ. A 6 ft 4 Division One soccer star, that was loaded and drove a Mercedes Benz. He was the Ken Doll I had been craving. I left Chris heartbroken and alone.
I dated RJ for almost a year and a half. He had some good times but I cheated on him with Chris a handful of times. I knew I loved Chris but Chris only could give me his love and what he had access to. RJ could give me everything and he did. Jewelry, spa trips, flights to Florida for vacations in gated communities…… well I look back on that decision and I don’t even know that girl anymore. I was so shallow, superficial, and naive. I left RJ ( which was a terrible breakup) but I couldnt care less about him. I have seen Chris recently, and we have been talking. We both awknowledge that we love eachother but he believes that because of all of the disasters and damage we have there is no hope. I have been so down that I felt the need to move immediately. I feel like If I can’t have Chris I can’t stay in the place (or even the state) that reminds me of him every where I turn. I’m moving to the Virgin Islands at the end of this coming semester. I was accepted into the University of St. Thomas and already have a job waiting for me. I told Chris and this is how he responded….

meg, i do still have strong feelings for you, but im in a different stage of my life now. Im trying to do something with myself, i want to be somebody and i believe that us breaking up happened for a reason. im not out looking for some great woman to take your place because honestly no one can. i think that right now you should do what makes you happy, idk if this being a doctor thing is what you really love doing or not but if it is that go for it. do what makes you happy because true happiness is what i would like to believe life is all about. it breaks my heart that your moving away, but i know that your a sun bug and you need to be somewhere warm, thats why i would never ask you to stay for me. I just want to find what truly makes me happy, whether it be an artist or a business guru. I know i willl always hold a special place in your heart, but please dont wait around for me because as you already know i dont know what I want, ever. I think that you should move to the tropics with your pup, and i know that one day our paths will cross again. i love you megan, i always will.
Love, your best bud.

I love this guy. He is something truly TRULY special. He is trying to become something now, and I have realized the difference between truly valuable traits and entities, and that of being blinded by good looks and material objects. At one point Chris bought me a diamond cross necklace, my prized possession. It got tangled and I put it into my pocket for safe keeping. I never saw it again. That necklace is for sale at Shaws right now. I feel the need to go buy it…… he was so hurt when I lost it. I feel like him seeing that clasped around my neck will really affect him. I planned on being faithful to him even though he doesnt want me, and sending him a mix tape of songs that would I feel translate my feelings to him. I want to marry Chris. I know he’s the one.

What do I do?


206 gel January 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm

hi gurl :)

my ex and i are on a long distance relationship which is like 24 hours away from each other..

our story goes out like this.

i have a job which is a thousand miles from where he is staying and i decided to go home and be together with him for the holiday.

i rarely contact him and answer his calls because im too busy with my work but if have time.. i return his messages and calls.

upon arriving home, he said that he doesnt want to see me and he wants to break up with me.

i tried to figure out how to see him so i went to his house and it felt that he missed me and we were like ok. i slept with hm and after tha, he said he wants time and space.. i dont know what to do..

he gave me another chance and he went to my house which is an hour away from his home and startd to work things out until my former boyfirend passed my house and asked me to ride in his motorcycle.. i hesitated because my oufriend wa there but he was going nuts so i just told my bf that id be back.

when i got back, i saw my boyfirend walking out and he said he wants to go home because i love the other guy more tha him but i said i love him so much and i just had to ride in his bike cuz it will cause trouble.

we were ok until the next day and when he went home, he sent me a text message saying that he needs space.

i dont know what to do.. i love him.. but i cant contact him.. please help :(


207 Sarah January 13, 2012 at 3:45 pm


My bf and I, well ex bf now have been together over a year… about 6months ago I had to move away due to a family emergency in another state, and was going to move back soon as everything got better for them…so my bf and I decided we’d be fine with the distance cause we wanted to get married and spend our lives together. Well just recently, we started having problems with me being gone, even though he knows I’m to be back home by April. And we are very open and honest with each other, and he told me he had slept with someone else while I was away cause he had problems coping with me gone so long. I forgave, cause I could understand his point of view. And I said we’ll be fine, since we can tell each other the truth about anything, and he said he can’t wait for me to come home. Well we got in a stupid fight over nothing, in fact we don’t even remember what it was about. But he said let’s just compromise on something till you come back home, I said ok, what’s that? That we’d just be friends till I fully move back in April, I said I can deal with that and I think it’s totally fair, as long as nothing changes and we stay in contact just the same as we always have….we talk all the time!! Or did till a couple days ago. He’s kinda pushing himself away now, and I don’t want to lose him after everything we’ve been through and accomplished..he says he still loves me and wants to be with me, but started ignoring me lately…you I just send him a message saying I need some space for a bit, to try and make him more interested in wanting to talk to me?? Help me please.


208 hannah January 13, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Okay so i dated this guy for around 2 years and he was really sweet in the beginning. After about a year all he wanted was his friends and to work. So I got frustrated, I never got to see him, and when I finally did his friends were around so I got mad. After a while he just had enough of it and called it off. It’s been like 5 months and he started texting me nonstop for a week. We hung out, which he initiated, and we hooked up. Then he told me he didn’t want a relationship right now because he’s so busy with work but he did care for me. Now a few weeks later he doesn’t even look at me, and I’m best friends with his sister so I see him still, and he went on a date with another girl a few days ago. I just don’t know what to do. I really love him and would do anything to have back. Help me please!


209 Susy January 14, 2012 at 2:37 am

Ok so I’m glad I came and read this site. I was just needing advice to see where I should go from here. My boyfriend and I of 1 1/2 broke up at the beginning of December. We both agreed to give each other space for 3 months and then we would talk about where to go from there in march. Well when we broke up I went to Cali for a month. I just got back. Well while I was there he texted me a few times saying he missed me but was still thinking about our relationship. He told me he missed me so much it made him sick. Then I come home and see him again and things are awkward. So last night I sent him a text and told him I didn’t want things awkward between us bc we go to the same church. And I asked how he was. He told me he wasn’t doing good at all and he asked me how Cali was. I acted fine and he kept asking me how I’ve been doing and I completely ignored the question until finally I just told him I had my ok days and then my bad days. And he said he felt the same way. We didn’t really discuss our relationship and I didn’t wanna push it. I told him good night last night and I said “text me tomorrow?” and he put “yea good night” it’s 8:30 pm and I still havent heard from him. I hope he does text later tonight. But what should I do how should I act and do you think these are all positive signs of winning him back. We broke up bc he has commitment issues and he wanted to make sure I was the one. I agree I think every relationship should REALLY think about it before making a decision. Help!! Thank you


210 Daisy January 14, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Hi Essy
The guy I dated broke up with me four months ago. He used to be one of my best friends before we started liking each other and I truly loved him so at that point of time when he broke up with me, I was completely heartbroken. I couldn’t limit contact with him as we study together, we have mutual friends, and we, ourselves were best friends. So now he likes another girl, who’s really pretty (that’s the only reason why he likes her) but she’s also a nice person and she’s very popular. He’s falling for her and Im not sure if he’ll come back to me as he likes her very much. I mean, Im not as pretty as her or as popular as her but I certainly am a good person by heart. I want him back but Im not sure if he’ll come back to me as the other girl is better than me in many ways. Please help me to get him back, I can’t stay without him. :(


211 Vanessa January 15, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Hi Essy,
I was with my boyfriend for two and a half years. We had a really bad break up and he hurt me a lot, so I left him. We started seeing each other again, and he wanted to be in a relationship, but I didn’t want to be (even though it pretty much was a relationship without the label). I was scared and I didn’t really get over everything that he had done to me the night we broke up. So we did this for the next nine months, and he still wanted the relationship; finally, I asked him for a month to figure things out and really think because this wasn’t fair to him. Well, during this month he found a new girlfriend. I wrote him a letter and asked him for another chance, but he said he can’t now. I was a little too late. That was about three or four months ago. He’s been dating this new girl for about that time and they are in a relationship now. I love him like crazy, and I don’t know what to do to get him back. He even bought an engagement ring for me, so I can’t imagine he is so crazy about this girl. He told me many times I was the love of his life and that he thought we’d live together and get married. We have over three years history together. Maybe, this is just what I am hoping. Please help me. I love him so much, and I can’t let him get away.


212 Kim January 15, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Hi Essy,

My boyfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me. He says he wants to be my friend and that he also wants to see other people as well. I’m his first girlfriend and he thinks he needs to experience other girls relationship wise. I want him back and don’t know where to start!


213 kelly January 16, 2012 at 3:43 am

Hey Essy,
My boyfriend broke up with me on thursday, we were such good friends before we started going out and we are planning on hanging out soon. We still talk and at first when he broke up with me I kept asking him if he would take me back but he said he wanted to be single. I miss him so much and I didn’t realize how much I loved him until he was gone. I want him to take me back. What should I do?
Thank you,


214 Lisa January 16, 2012 at 10:43 am

Hi Essy,
My ex broke up with me approx four months ago i have had no contact at all with him for at least two of those months.
we broke up because of a few reasons but mostly because i was going through some stuff and would become really nasty to him (really for no reason) after a while it got too much for him and he broke it off saying “its just too hard”.
He had two small children 2&5 who i also got close too, although the relationship was prob for about 9 months it was a very intense full on relationship, he owned a business which i helped him run on top of the kids and my UNI studies exec.
i do have a few valid reasons to text message him but im still unsure, like i siad i was a right b***h towards him a few times, hense the lengthy no contact period.
is it too late now?
he started seeing someone very very quickly after our break up, even though i dont see her as a threat at all.
please advise,


215 Meg January 16, 2012 at 2:17 pm

My ex of 5 years also the father of my child, broke up because he became angry that I have depression and anxiety issues out of nowhere. I was too weak to tell argue and fight with him about it so I didn’t say anything (I guess the wrong thing to do) so he told me to get out, I moved everything into my parents house and a couple of weeks later he asks me to come back. I was afraid to come back because I felt like the same thing would happen again and I cant afford to keep getting kicked out of my house. About a month or so later I saw a car at what used to be our house. So he’s seeing a couple of women right now and is enjoying the single life. I begged for him back and he said he cant make promises (we’ve gone through quite a few break ups before) but he will see if we can work it out before he makes a decision. Well Its been 3 weeks Ive been sleeping with him :( Staying over his house a few times a week with my daughter, cleaning his house and helping with groceries and then he tells me hes not ready to be in a relationship because he wont be faithful to me. I was just treating him the way I felt he should be treated. Im so confused as to what this means and what to do. Should I just cut off all ties with him? I really feel like we are meant to be. Ive never loved someone so much in my entire life. He said he feels the same but then why would he be torturing me like this?
Please please help Im so distraught


216 emma January 16, 2012 at 2:29 pm


i have recently broke up with my boyfriend who ive been with for nearly 2 and a half years i love him to death but he ended it with me for no reason at all and we still contact but everytime we do we either fight or sleep togeather we would go walks hed still stay over and things like that but i really want him back im close to his family and he lives in my area so the distance from us isnt far at the weekend there i had went through his phone and seen that hes been texting other girls that are people i know and that i would talk too but at the same time when he was texting these girls he was ignoring my texts when we fight we’d say some horrible and upsetting things i feel that its me that always runs after him hes not the same person i use to know he wasnt just my boyfriend he was like my best friend to i know theres still something there but something seems to be holding him back i get very jealous when he looks or speaks about other girls its as if he would care more for them than me he phones me constantly and he plays stupid mind games like hed say he doesnt have feelings for me anymore but yet he still stays with me and we sleep togeather and go walks like i have said etc.. but recently just this week or so he hasnt been phoning that much he doesnt text he doesnt care what i say id try and send him a text trying to hurt him like he has hurt me just so he knows how it feels or maybe that he’d run after me like he use to, id also tell him how i feel about him all the time and how hurt everything makes me feel but i get a reply saying ‘ emma shut up ‘ or ‘ aye ns’ hes so ignorant and hes changed in many different ways what do i do too get him back again i really need help i cry too much and be depressed and very down and take my moods out on the people thats closest to me please i need some good advice and help through this


217 rose bud January 16, 2012 at 5:25 pm

well i broke up with my boyfriend about 6 weeks ago have been begging and begging then i found ur site and i think i will try it but i herd that if it was not 3 months at the most it is over well my own stupididy i broke up with him for friend issues i explained to him how much he means to me

do u think u have anymore advice for me?

~ Rosebud~


218 Brittany January 16, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Hi Essy,

My situation is a little different. I dumped my boyfriend a week ago out of impulse, I was really stressed out. I had some personal problems going on with family and it got to me. Instead of being mature I took it out on him and totally regret it. Whenever we broke up I used the excuse that it was the distance between us. Me and him go to different colleges that are about two hours apart. His parents use to live in the area where I go to college; he always had another reason besides me to come back. However, they moved recently to a place also two hours away from where I go to school. You can tell when I broke up he wasn’t expecting it, he just said okay…. in a low silent voice. I always enjoyed my time with him and I’ve been beating myself up for days. I’ve already made plans to keep myself busy with the new semester starting and work. I’m also taking karate and guitar lessons. This past week apart has made me realize I love him. Btw we’ve been seeing each other about six months. I know my situation is different, but I was wondering if you could help?


219 Destin-Lee January 16, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Hello, Essy
My boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me for another girl. I stayed at his house for 2 weeks over winter break and he had been acting different. I thought it was because of the girl and I happened to be right. He claimed that they had been “bestfriends” since they were 8. I trusted him with her and I shouldn’t have. I haven’t talked to any guys throughout the entire relationship. We got into a few brutal arguments during my stay of the 2 weeks. He said it was my fault we were arguing which I didnt get. I finally went home that Sunday and I got a call from his sister that Monday morning saying that another girl had slept over with him. But it was weird because the night before that (new years eve) we got into another argument because the girl texted him and said ; “happy new years baby!” and I got upset. Then he said “you really think I’d give this up for her?!” And we slept together that night and he said he’d never leave me. I’ve been so torn up over this. Especailly when I see them together at school. Please help me on this.


220 Maggie January 17, 2012 at 1:10 am

Me and my boyfriend dated from my sophomore of H.S to the end of our freshman year of college.We are now sophomores. He made out with some other girls the summer before college..and due to that fact i never trusted him again.. and became this controlling bitchy girlfriend. We were on and off all last year and i defiantly went through ALL of these steps.. especially the begging one.. I was at a party with all of our high school friends last saturday and found out he hasnt slept with anyone else. We have talked on and off since we “officially ended it” this last september right when it starts going good he pushes me away. He doesnt want to be back with me. However, you can see it when he looks at me that he still cares. I have been seeing this other guy in hopes of letting go, but no one compares. I want him back more than anything in the world. I realized that it wasnt all him that ruined the relationship, it was me too. He’s all i think about. I know I should move on, but with a total of 5 years together, and everything we’ve went through together.. I finally gave him back his promise ring back 2 months ago (cuz i kept wearing it)… Any suggestions?


221 rosita January 17, 2012 at 9:53 am

I met a man i really liked we moved very fast we were only together 3 weeks and now i feel very hurt we broke up and i miss him so much I am not sure what I can do I want him to give us a second change I did basically do the begging thing in the first couple of days in the break-up and now I am just angry I want to see him again so I can win him back I need advice on what to do


222 kat January 17, 2012 at 5:22 pm


My boyfriend put a ‘pause’ in our relationship for a year so he can get his life sorted out . It scared me a lot thinking he will lose feeling for me . Or he will find some other girl . He is avoiding me a lot . How can I get him back or shorten the pause ? Help me PLEASE!!!!


223 Drea January 17, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Dear Essy,
Hello my ex-boyfriend and I have just broke up for the 2nd time and it’s worse then the first. I know I am part to blame for it we’d always fight because I would get made about stupid things, some no so stupid. He and I have been through a lot together right before our first break up we went through a pregnancy scare, then we fought and I had told him no other girl would put up with his childish games. He had anxiety attack because he thought I was breaking up with him, I wasn’t I was just ranting because we had plans to hangout and he blew me off and it wasn’t the first time he and done that. I had no communication with him, he texted me first saying he didn’t know if he made the right decision. Not even 24-hours later he called me saying he missed me calling himself an idiot, begging me to take him back. I did hoping things would change the second time around. This time we both screwed up big time, he was being a jerk, making me a choice not a priority, putting me on the back burner, heavily flirting with other girls. A few weeks prior to the break up I told him another guy had kissed me and I explained what had happened, he was so inraged I thought we were going to break up. He ended up telling his bestfriend that night repeatedly the he didnt wanna lose me. When we discussed the situation in person he was so comforting in every way, I have never seen him care so much. We were fine then we started arguing again because he was ignoring me, blowing me off, not seeming like he cared about me or our relationship, like he wasn’t even trying to be with me. In a way pushing me away, trying to give me reasons to break up with him. The last few days before the break up it seemed as though he had no more feelings for me anymore. He told me he did want to be with me, but he wasn’t acting like it, he was being extremely sneaky. He wouldn’t cheat on me I know this for a fact, he is too dumb to cheat. Anyways, it got to the point I had given him a choice: If he wanted to be with me he needed to start acting like it, if he didn’t he needs to come get his stuff. he told me he was sorry that he can’t take it anymore, he can’t take my tempertantraums, and I’m beginning to be too much for him and we were through. Now, I do love him, he was my everything and I know by the way he looks into my eyes there are feelings for me too. I understood that leaving him with the choice there was and EXTREMELY high probability that we were going to be over, and I mentally and emotionally excepted that. Something tells me weren’t supposed to break up. This cringing feeling tells me it was a mistake. It’s not like a gut feeling as much as an intuition feeling I guess you could say. I do know the difference. I dont know what to do anymore. I have thrown in the towel though I know I shouldnt. I want to be with him so bad, I’m not going to push it. I just want everything to be alright again and us to be madly in love with each other like we were before all the fighting, when we didnt have a care as long as we were together. There is just something that tells me he IS the one I’m meant to be with how stupid and idiotic that sounds, he is the only guy I have been with that makes me feel the way I do. I need help beyond belief :/


224 Rosa January 18, 2012 at 1:23 am

Hi Essy,
First off just want to tell you that what you do is amazing and your great for taking the time to help all these people. I can only imagine how much this can take over your personal life so I’ll try to be as short as I can with my issue. It’s been about 7 months since my ex ended our 10year relationship. I admit we both weren’t the nicest all the time to eachother but we were definitely eachothers rock and we loved each other a lot almost inseperable and I know that hurt him. We lived together and spent a lot of time together. I did go through a stage where I wanted to be out with my girlfriends and was a bit selfish towards him. This will be our 3rd time breaking up the first 2 I initiated because I felt he wasn’t giving his all or interested in doing things with me or with me and my friends when I invited. His reason for the break up was he didn’t feel the same anymore and felt we “tried” for so long so why try anymore he also wants “freedom” and says there’s things he wants to do on his own. I did sense something before he actually broke things off I tried but nothing worked to keep him from changing his mind. I have broken all the rules since the break up numerous of times from continuous contact, sex you name it. Our situation is difficult because my sister had children with his brother (who are no longer together for years now) so one way or another it makes the getting over him even harder for me. I know what I need to stop now! I feel like he’s comfortable knowing that I’m still here and no need for a commitment he throws me off with his flirty ways telling maybe we can work it out in the future type things but I know its mostly my fault because I initiate almost all contact (not all of the time but most) . I want him back I just want to know if I stand a chance to fixing things with him??


225 Montina January 18, 2012 at 3:12 am

This might be pretty long but I really deeply, need your help! So, my 10th grade year I met this senior. We started texting & he actually liked me I know so. One day he decided to come over my house I was more nervous than anything. We started making out then, I stopped I wasn’t comfortable going any further. So, then he left we didn’t talk or text for a couple of weeks. He’d walk pass me in the hall all the time & try to make me jealous. We eventually started back texting & talking. I would never have sex with him because I liked him to much too. We would be on and off several times. I’m in 11th grade now & he’s in college. What should I do? I’m not obessed with him I just really love how I feel around him. They say true love has a habit of coming back right? I dream & think about him all the time!!!


226 Vika January 18, 2012 at 7:52 am

Please Help: I have been broken up from my ex of 2 and a half years for a month now. I met up with him after he wanted to get back together but I did not sleep with him. We were engaged for 8 months but he broke up with me again saying he needs to find himself. I sent him a text saying I wish him the best in life and I don’t want to end it on a bad note. I am missing him like crazy is there any way I can get him back? I have not heard from him in over a month and I have not called him either.


227 Sabrina January 18, 2012 at 9:37 am

I would just like some advice my husband of 5 years ( together for  8) cheated on me back in August 2011 I found out 6th sept 2011 I threw him out, day after he begged me to take him back I said no, end of sept he came back to me for 2 weeks ( didn’t move back in thou) he then finished it and said it won’t work because of our family’s and the money problems we have had. He then tells me he as decided to go back to the person he cheated on me with who is younger then me and also my husband she’s 19 with 2 young children to 2 different dads!! I am 33 and my husband is 25 I have 4 children but only 1 of them is with my husband. He texts me everyday, as tried it on a few times when he’s been round to see our 6 year old son he tells me he still loves me and as feelings for me but they ain’t the same as he had. He tells me he loves her but would never want to move in with her or have the commitment he had with me. Just wondered if anyone had been in the same situation as me or your a guy who’s been in the same situation as my husband is in now? Would it last between him and his new gf? Would he ever try again to get back with me? I was his first proper love and his first for everything, i was the love of his life he was only 17 when we got together. I still love him even after he’s broken my heart. Just need some advice off some one who’s been in the same situation as me or my husband if your a guy reading this!! Thanks Sabrina  x


228 sare January 21, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Hi Essy
I am having some problem with my bf and although we haven’t break up yet, I thought to contact you. We were really good friends before dating ( for 5 months) and it was so good that i was hesitant to express to him that i liked him too( he liked me since the first day we met). But eventually he figured it out, and I told him i was hesitant to date him because I worry that I it will go bad ( like all relationship seems to do) and I will lose a friend and a bf. However, he use to say that It always does not have to be that way. Anyway we started dating, it was very good. We aren’t clingy couple we give each other space and spend quality time when we spend time. However after about 4 months or so he started to act differently. Some what confusing because I wasn’t sure what it was. What i think it was ( and still is) that he is scared that he will either fall really deep in the relationship and be stuck with me or something but at the same time he seems to want this relationship because often he told me this is the best relationship he has had by far and the most peaceful too. He also told me once that this is his first mature relationship. At around month 6 I felt really out of place so I talked to him about it he said he felt that he didn’t step up to his place( in the relationship) properly and he needed time to think. So I said okay take the next one week to yourself. Although we had communicated through out that week and we were still in relationship by the end of the week his behavior made me feel as if he wants a break up and doesn’t know how to say so, giving me pity relationship. I am very independent, I’ve been living on my own since my last year of high school ( 2008). I am financially independent too ( no parents involved) and I have good control over my emotions too ( well i always did I don’t know what’s happening now). So anyway when I felt that I told him i am calling it off since he isn’t happy with me and he called me and said he did not mean anything like that he was just trying to sort himself out. He apologized too. We were back togather, but he always seems very distant. I mean, the person I liked I started dating, as if has changed. I just want the old him back. And I definitely don’t want to seem weak in the situation. I want him to express himself to me and want me like he use to before. I am not sure what exactly to do. I have started to limit the communication a bit. Basically I want, either him to be nice to me like before or I want to be in control of the situation. I don’t want to be at the receiving end. I know he admired me very much because of the way I am ( independent and what not) but I sometimes feel like he is taking me for granted or something. And I don’t want this relationship to end because I know if he keeps being like this I won’t be able to stand it for very long and I’ll probably break up and I have difficulty getting back to something I have left even if it kills me. And I love him very much. I’ve never had the chance to tell him that because he is very “manly” type, likes to act all really detached and seemingly has difficulty expressing his emotions to me. He told me before that he usually does not say much and one of his sibling told me that he would not say much no matter how much he might feel. I don’t know where I stand in this but I know if we break up i will be very sad and I have difficulty turning back to things even if it hurts. I really want us to stay together because I love him very much and he is a very intelligent sensible guy. I hope I am not annoying you with my problems but if you have any suggestions please do email me.



229 Reigh January 22, 2012 at 5:21 am

My situation is a little different …well kind of. He and I began dating five years ago when we where emotionally younger. We had our struggles but over all we grew together. I’m not saying we stayed together for all of those five years because we most certianly did not; but in the end, it seems that at the end of the day he was the one I wanted to see. We had quite a fall out at the begining of the summer before last. So it has been a year and a half now. And all was well until I desided to go back to school last semester. Now I see him every day. Are conversations are that of strangers. Simply a half smile in the hallway, or an “excuse me may I borrow a pen”, ect. And it’s killing me. I have ignored it for as long as I can. I wouldn’t even bother with this if a friend, who works with him, hadn’t told me that he is bothered when I am brought up in conversation. I have a boyfriend, I like my boyfriend, but I am still in love with him. He was my best friend and I believe that he could be again. I just don’t know how. S.O.S?


230 ivy January 22, 2012 at 7:03 am

Dear Essy,

I just recently broke up with my boyfriend. It’s almost 3 weeks already. He said that he doesn’t have any feelings for me anymore and that we didn’t do anything at all when we’re together so he’s bored. I tried calling him and texting him but got no reply back at all. We had been broken up 2 or 3 times already but then he would forgive me and take me back but I guess this time he won’t. What should I do Essy or anyone? Please help me. I really love this man and wanted to have him back into my arms again. Thanks.



231 Ashley January 22, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Hi Essy

I really, truly need your help right now, as I am in a dark place in my life. See, I want to get my ex back, but he has a girlfriend now. I guess I should start by telling you about our relationship first.

We met a little over a year ago at work. I didn’t think much of him at first, but after being around him some, I started having feelings for him. The main reason why I really want to be with him and why I’m willing to fight so hard to get him back is because I feel so comfortable around him. I’ve always been very shy so being able to feel comfortable around a person is rare for me.

But while we were working together, he started being flirty with me. I didn’t have the courage to ask him out or anything though. When we were done with our project, we didn’t see each other again for a few months. We did work together again later and we talked as if we’d never been apart. Afterwards, we began to talk online too. At first it was mostly work related stuff, but then he started coming on to me. Long story short, I asked him out and he agreed. Well, that’s when the problem started. The problem being that we could never find the time to actually go out. We did have an online relationship though. He was always so sweet and loving and when we finally did get to see each other he kissed me very passionately multiple times. I thought that we were finally going to be happy together, but it didn’t last. He began to grow distant and then he barely talked to me at all. We never officially broke up. He just drifted away from me. We had been together for six months.

I tried to get help at that point. I looked on the internet and found Bob Grant, Mimi Tanner, and Michael Fiore. I didn’t buy any of their books, but I read what free stuff they had online and signed up for newsletters. They basically said that you have to give the guy his space before you try to get him back, but I’ve waited too long. About two months later, he found himself a girlfriend.

I’m happy to say that I didn’t make any of the mistakes that you mentioned in the article. Even though I wanted so badly to curse him and that woman out, I didn’t. I did snoop a bit. The weird thing is, he didn’t change his relationship status, he just hid it. Also, I know that they haven’t been seeing each other for long. I believe its been about two months or even less. And I don’t think they’ve been official for that entire time. I also know that she has met his child (which kills me). (Personally, I think that they’re moving a bit fast for the amount of time they’ve been together. I could be wrong, but I just feel that way).

Now, I had a few problems during our “relationship”. I already told you that I have low self esteem and he even commented on it. When he kissed me, I got nervous after a bit and pulled away. Also, I apologized for something that I really shouldn’t have apologized for.

Besides trying to be more confident, what can I do to get him back? I’m trying no contact for a bit, for the sake that I would probably lose it if I saw him anytime soon. But while I’m not talking to him at all, he’s with this woman, not thinking about me or how heartbroken I am. There has to be a way to get him back. Please help me. I’ve had feelings for lots of men and have been close to only one other guy. I don’t really regret not being with any of them anymore (except for the fact that so much rejection has ruined any confidence I may have had). But this guy is different than any of the others. I know I will regret not being with him or fighting for him, especially since we didn’t have a bad break up or anything. I love him so much. Please help me.


232 Kari January 23, 2012 at 5:21 am

Me and my boyfriend of 8 months just recently broke up. He said we shouldn’t talk for a while to get over the relationship and he doesn’t plan on gettin back with me because “his feelings changed”. I don’t know what to do, but I really want him back. We did EVERYTHING together and I feel like my other half is missing. And I just really want him back.


233 Anonymous January 24, 2012 at 4:22 am

This relationship started my junior year. We had been friends for awhile, not close but we had some classes together. He had a girlfriend he had been with for almost 2 years. He started giving me rides home from school and then one thing led to another. He would walk with me in the halls to class everyday,take me home, and didn’t care if anyone saw. He told me he didn’t think he would ever feel differently about me. 3 months went by and I started to really care for him. He told me he couldn’t keep doing this to his gf and everytime he looked at me he wanted to be with me but he didn’t want that anymore. I was heartbroken and would try talking to him everyday. Eventually he wouldn’t talk to me and one day I retaliated by telling his ex by going to her house. They stayed together and he hated me,said such cruel things to me and so did his friends. I tried talking to him everyday begging for his forgiveness. That sumer they broke up and we just met up to not have sex but fool around. That ended shortly and again I was crushed. I became friends with his ex for about 6 months, which during that time I did not contact him at all. Her and I parted ways and on my way out to eat one day we passed eachother and he just stared at me. I couldn’t get him out of my head and later that night I received a text from a random number. It was him. He started texting me everyday. The first night I went over to his house we ended having sex. He still texted me and I started staying the night about once a week, which lasted for a month. He came over one night and after he left he wanted me to come over and fool around. I replied with is that all u want from me. No response. I told him how I felt the next day and he ignored me for 2 weeks. One night I went to his house but he wasn’t there. He texted me after I left and said his parents told him I had stopped by. He met up with me and told me he would never have feelings for me again and that he only liked me as a friend. He said I was texting you at work and wasn’t getting anything done and I can’t be doing that. We started meeting up to fool around and we had got into a fight and he said I acted like his wife..we were done for about 2 weeks until I texted him and asked if we could have things back to how they were and I wouldn’t act how I did. He agrred. Ever since november we have been talking about twice a week, he always texts me, and I go pick him up and we fool around.
Hah this isn’t how I want the relationship to be but I keep wondering..after all I’ve done why is he keeping me around? He can have any girl he wants and I acted crazy. Idk what to do because I love him and I miss the old him. I don’t want to lose him. Sorry this is so long and hopefully you have time to respond.


234 Belle January 24, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Hey, I’m in a slightly confusing situation. Me and my boyfriend (well ex I guess) decided that when we graduated high school we would try to stay together in a long distance relationship (he lives in Boston while I live in the Netherlands). For basically 2 of the 4 years we have been together we have been on different continents. He comes back during summer and Christmas breaks and I go visit him inbetween. We realised that we both wanted to experience college too, so we decided that an open relationship would be best.
But suddenly, 2 days ago he told me that he doesn’t want to do it anymore and says that he wants more freedom and that he is worried we will never live in the same area.
I just thought that we had the best of both worlds; being pretty much single when we were apart, but also being able to enjoy each others company when we were finally together again.
So my main question is, how do I get him back even though he lives in a different country and how do I show him that he has both me and freedom? I’ve heard from plenty of people that long distance relationships don’t work, but I know that they can. I just want to know what to do next.


235 priya January 25, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Hi, i just got my 2 & a half year long relationship ended. It was from him only.
We were the best of the couples known everywhere & shared the best of our times together. There was only ‘we’ in our space for ‘you’ & ‘me’. Everything was so good & cheering. We were very understanding and loving to each other. So much so that we didn’t see the world around us. But somehow it was hampering his studies. We didn’t notice it earlier but gradually it showed up .Now he is going through a really bad phase in his studies and this may even ruin his career. But since he has realized it now he’s trying hard to cope with it. He has got many responsibilities to live up to so now his plan is to only concentrate on his studies , career and family. Though I am no way against it but just don’t want him to leave me for his dreams and career because someday he was madly in love with me. He did surprising things for me and always supported me in every thick and thin of life in spite of being miles away as we were in a long distance relationship. But in spite of all the odds he used to travel to me 6-7 times a year. & it is wonderful to have him in my life and I don’t want to lose him at any cost. Though i had become a bit rude & dominant for sometime but I regret all my bad behavior & promise not to repeat them ever. I love him and could do anything to make him happy..
I just want to be with him in his hard time and support to do better. Now that he is miles away and I can’t see him soon so its getting difficult to convince him. There is very limited ways to contact him, only phone,text, & e mail.Since he lives with his family can’t bother by sending anything to his place & on top of that they have shifted and don’t even know the new address.
& am sorry but I called him several times after that crying on phone to get back to me but he was firm & asked me to respect his decision. But I can’t live without him. Please help. I love him.


236 Taylor Brown January 25, 2012 at 7:20 pm


Well me and this guy named Dennis, well we were best friends for like ever, I was actually trying to set him up with one of my old friends. But in that process, I fell in love with him. I was already in a relationship with my ex Josh. I loved Josh I did, but what i felt for Dennis was completely and entirely different. Dennis and I started to hang out more, not doing anything worng, just being friends. But one day, I was dropping him off at home, and well i got out of the car to give him a hug and well we kissed. We were both shocked but it felt soooo right.

I was terrified that Josh would find out. I broke everything off with Dennis. Which, by the way was a huge mistake. He moved to Florida, and I didnt even know. Well, we hadn’t talked for about 5 months and by the time we got back into contact, Josh and I had broken up. After 9 and a half months. Den and I began talking again and it felt right again. We started dating on November 10,2011. But, as we both knew, but i refused to admit at the time, was that I wasn’t over Josh just yet. He knew that. But he was willing to help me get over him so we could have the relationship we both wanted. Well, there was a comment on my facebook stating I was pretty by one of my old guy friends and Dennis didn’t like that. We argued for 4 days over it. It was pointless. Then, what i never told him, my neices were killed in a car accident. That’s when I just shut down. I wouldn’t tell him and, eventually, we broke up. Since then, all i do is cry myself to sleep.

Anywho, a week ago. I was really thinking about Dennis, just like all the good memories we had, and how much i really did love him. From out of no where, he texts me. Crazy right? I didn’t have his number at this point and so i texted aasking who it was, he said it was Dennis. I replied oh hey. That’s when we got to talking, again, but not intamately. He told me he missed his best friend(me) and so did I, a lot to be honest.

Well we started talking about our past relationship, all the good times, and we both decided we needed to sit down and have a talk in person because words mean more in person. (oh i forgot to mention, him and I are both in relationships) Well yesterday, i skipped my tutoring after school and decided to just sit and talk to him. We just sat in his car, in the school parking lot for 2 hours. Just talking, I cried a lot because i realized how much I really did and do miss him. I mean he gave me some of my best memories. We never even had sex either! I thinks thats why we are so close is because we didnt care about the sex. But anyways, he said he has some thinking to do. He insisted that i texted him so i continued to do so. Well later on last night around 7:30, i asked him to come over. I needed to see him. So he does and before we broke up i got him a Superman Hoodie for Christmas that I neeeded to give to him. Well i handed it to him and then, i kissed him. I didn’t mean to, but i did. It felt right again. I just wanted to smile. We were sitting in his car afterwards and he took off his coat and put it on me and put his new hoodie on. (It fit him perfectly too :D ) He told me to just keep his coat. We just sat in there talking and just talking again. He said he was going to tell his girlfriend that they need to take a break and i agreed to end my relationship with Brock. Then we kiss again and start making out. But we stop ourselves. Neither one of us have EVER cheated. Well i cheated on Josh once and that was with Dennis.

Then he told me he wouldnt kiss me again unless we were in a relationship. It was 9:50 by then and he neeeded to get home so we get outta the car and hug for like 5 minutes straight. I didn’t want to let him go. He told me to text him, so when i got into bed i texted him and told him I loved him. He replied with a sad face. I said what? He says and i quote “Tonight made me realize that I’m not ready to be with you ~yet~ I care for Haley too much.” I replied with “I talked to one of my best friends about what happened. She said if you didnt want to be with me and you cared about haley as much as you say you do you wouldnt have done what you did with me” He hasnt replied because he is still asleep. But after our conversation, all i did was cry. I snuggled up with his coat, the scent of him comforted me. I cried all night. I mean I haven’t been to bed yet.

But the whole point of me telling you all of this is, i need to know what to do. Do I wait for him and Haley to be over? Do I try to move on? Please give me some advice. I really need help!!

-Taylor Brown 16


237 Jessica January 25, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Hello Essy,
I need you help! Me and my ex boyfriend have been on and off many of times but now have been split for months and he has recently had a new girlfriend. Him and her have now split up and on the same night as they split up he started to speak to me again. I miss him like crazy! but don’t have the guts to actually tell him i still like him – but then i doubt telling him would be the right idea. I don’t want to make myself sound pathetic or stupid if he isn’t feeling the same way back. I also know he has been meeting up with other girls so i doubt hes even thinking about me. I get advice from my friends but they tell me exactly want i don’t want to hear, that he will only hurt me again and to move on.. but how can you move on when you have that person constantly on your mind? and sit there hoping for a text or that he might talk to me whilst eating ben and jerrys ice cream or worse crying. I keep hoping that he will come back but nothing seems to be working. Also theres others girls which like him and he tells me about them. Im scared that even if i did tell him i liked him and missed him, he would speak about me to maybe one of his mates or maybe even stop talking to me. I don’t want to sound needy or pathetic but at the same time i really want to see\speak to him. Im only young and i know alot of people say you can’t fall in love at this age and it may be lust. But i know that if i could get him back, everything would be alot easier. Please give me some advice that might actually work to get him back. Im stuck my self. Please email me from the address above.
Thankyou for the help!


238 shyanne January 25, 2012 at 9:52 pm

my ex boyfriend and i were dating for about 9 months everything was great till he started hanging out with some people. i found out on jan 20th that he had sex with another girl on the 18th. we talked it out and decided to be friends but i wanna call him al the time and iv givin up a few times i know its still recent but i love him. he said hes not in love with me anymore but he still loves and cares for me. he told me it hurts when he thinks about me with someone else. he is sending me mixed signals he said maybe in the future we cant get back together but i dont no what to do i miss him so much and everyone is tellin me to forget him but i cant i need advice.


239 Natalie January 31, 2012 at 12:17 am

Hi, I would really appreciate some advice. I broke up with my boyfriend of 5years 6months ago. At the time I was 100% that I wanted to be alone for a while, I realised that my ex was heart broken but we had been together from such a young age that I wanted to branch out by myself. We shared an apartment and also have a dog which we are sharing at the minute. From the time we broke we had always been in friendly contact, I was sleeping with over people and I admit not grieving for the lost relationship at all. A few months ago I really started to doubt my decision and was missing my ex so bad. We started meeting up because of the dog and every time he was round we slept together. Before Christmas we slept together and it was very emotional and He was saying he loves me but he can’t do this. A week later he has a new girlfriend who makes a point of rubbing it in my face. And it hurts, this guy was my family and that hurts really bad. I told her he was sleeping with me at the same time and now he won’t speak to me at all. I miss him, even just his friendship, is she a rebound could he really move on this quick cause I physically couldn’t call another guy my boyfriend and deep down I know he loves me. I don’t know how to handle the situation cause I want him in my life. I miss his friendship and him in general, he was really close to me and my family.


240 Van Ng January 31, 2012 at 11:35 am

Hi Essy,

I am at lost of what to do right now! Please help.
My ex boyfriend and I have been dating for the past 3 years. We recently broke up! Not the first time, many times in fact. About 6 days ago. We have not contacted each other since 4 days back, and this is the longest we have gone without me giving in to text him(because usually I will be the one trying to mend back and salvage). He is the stubborn type.

For the past few months our relationship was already rocky and we have lost the spark we used to have. I miss him dearly.

Reason for the break up is because of all the minor problems from all the previous arguments which slowly snowballed into this really bad fight we just had. All because of trust issue mainly and his family and our constant bickering which he have gotten sick of. He wanted a 6 months time out but to me, I am just afraid he will get over me during the period we are away from each other(he is a really attractive guy and is a women magnet) but he said that is not what he meant. He said he want peace, me showing my temper at him can ruin his entire day and because of all this, he show no interest in hanging out or talking to me much.

I do not know where to go from here. I do love him, very very much. We also have a dog business together and the last conversation we had, I decided to leave the business and let him take over(he said it was either he took it or me). Now I can’t go back and I miss the dogs and him.

I just feel that he doesn’t care anymore. He isn’t the sort to go crazy, miss me and then call me back saying he is sorry etc type, he is the type that won’t text me even if I don’t text him for days after a break up.

Everyone around me is telling me to move on but my heart doesn’t want to. I really hope that I can salvage this one way or another. Please guide me! These past week have been devastating to go through. Been waiting for him to text me :-(


241 Sophie January 31, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Hi Essy.
I really need your help, im soo confused, advice on the internet about getting an ex back keeps contradicting each other :s. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years and 1 month and he broke up with me last week. It started at Christmas when I would get upset because I was hardly seeing him as he was seeing his friends a lot more because they were all off for the holidays, which I understand, but whenever I tried to tell him I felt like I came second best to his friends he said I was just trying to start an argument, so I said I wasn’t and kept it to myself but it made me a bit down when I was around him.

Then it was my birthday the other week and we spent the night together but I was pretty quiete because I was upset that all of my friends had forgot it was my birthday and that he hadn’t come near me all night or kissed me. He asked me what was up with me but I kept saying nothing it doesn’t matter, anyways we spent the day after together also but I was still moody with him, but he was being okay with it. Then the following day he sent me a text saying “he doesn’t know what’s up with me at the moment “, I told him what was up with me and he didn’t reply he said he didn’t know what to say. Then a few days later he suggested that we should talk and he said that we should go on a break so I said okay because I thought he needed it and he would come running back. He didn’t i did, after 5 days I apologised for my behaviour and asked him what he was thinking and he said “I don’t know if I want to be with you anymore but I still love you and always will”, he said I was always miserable and wanted to start arguments. I was distraught so I text him some more the days after apologising and telling him how much I loved him and that I would change, he didn’t reply. I asked to talk it out and he wouldn’t meet me he kept saying that he was busy seeing his mates, so I marched round his house to talk and he just said the same thing again, but that he might ring tomorrow and we could talk on Thursday (this was Tuesday). He didn’t call, and I asked if we were still going to talk on Thursday and he said he was busy, so I marched round his house again, only this time he said that because I was constantly texting him i’de pushed him into deciding he didn’t want to be with me so he broke up with me. I just said okay and walked away.

He text me about half an hour later saying sorry and that it hurts him too and that he had being crying, I just text him saying I was at my mates because he was pestering me to eat and sleep because I couldn’t before. He then text me the morning after saying he’d been looking at a picture from holiday of us and crying, and said “don’t end up stupid like your mates, your too much of a nice person and girlfriend” so i said you too, and I told him let me know if he ever has second thoughts and wants to get back together. He said “I do every minute” so after I was asking him for another chance telling him how happy we could be again and he said “the good times outweighed the bad”, I was so confused he said that he loved me and wanted to be together and we rarely argued until recently and that wasn’t much. I waited until the weekend and asked him if he wated me to drop his stuff round his and he said “no rush unless you want get rid?”, I said okay to that, but texted him the day after asking to talk about what’s happend he said no point and that he was busy again.

We’ve been texting eachother all week i’ve been trying to reason with him and apologised and told him ive changed because I know i was unfair to him, and he has been saying he’s heartbroken too and that he’s hurting. I apologised last night over text again because I said I wouldn’t fancy him anymore if he had all these tattoo’s over his body (this was on my birthday) I only said it because he wasn’t listening to me when I asked him to not have them. He then text me this morning saying I hurt him so much saying that, and I told him I didnt mean it and asked him if we can talk about the situation, all that he’s said to that is “what about?” and that he’s busy all week apart from Thursday so I asked him if we can then and he’s ignored me.

Have I pushed him away? Will he come back on his own and realise he can’t be without me? The thing is when he suggested having a break and since then he’s gone out every night and day with his mates, and this is occupying his mind from us, is he trying to fight getting back with me that’s why he’s going out all the time? Please tell me what you think and what I should do, im completely heartbroken.




242 Elle January 31, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Hi Essy,

I have a question about the No Contact Rule, is it okay to email your ex a very casual email that you have moved back in town? We were doing distance for a year and 4 months and he ended it on the phone, actual thru Face Time. The reason why we broke up was because of the distance and the stress that came with it. He also told me he needed figure out what he wanted in his life during the break up. It was very unnerving to hear that after 4 years he wasn’t sure what he wanted. We dated a total of 4 years.

It will be three months of no contact since we last spoke when I email a very casually that I have move home. Do you think it is a good idea or do I still uphold the NO Contact Rule? He has knowledge I am moving home through friends, but I would like for him to hear form me.

Any advice will help. I miss him and hope that he comes around and contacts me first, but I know I might have to be the one who gives a little nudge. Thank you.

Thank you,



243 Jaz February 2, 2012 at 3:51 am

Hi Essy

My boyfriend and I just broke up about one week ago. Our marriage was fixed but someone called his parents and said nasty things about me and his parents broke the marriage. He was willing to live separately with me. However, I got very pissed off at his parents and in anger swore to them and his grandmother. I did not do that face to face but only to him. He then got angry and said he does not want me anymore. In more anger I swore at him too and then called his mother and told her that if there are faults in me, then there are faults in her own son too. And told all the bad things he did and despite that i still loved him. But my ex got angry that I told his bad habits to his parents. He then decided to break up for good. One day after break up, he contacted me as it was my birthday and told me that he was sorry for turning it into sad. Then i begged him to come back and promised that I wil never do those things again. He said he will think about it and tell me after two days. After two days, he said he still did not want me in his life. He then started talking about his friend who filled his parents ears against me. In anger, I swore at his friend. And he cut the fone line and send me a final goodbye message. I txtd him whole day yesterday but he did not reply. From today I will not contact him and haven’t contacted him since morning.

Is there any chance of winning him back?


244 Cheyanne February 2, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Hi, Essy!

My boyfriend and I were together for a year. He broke up with me after a big fight. I got jealous over some girl at school and he broke it off because we argue too much and I get jealous too much. Well, after begging and pleading for him back (I feel so dumb about it now) I agreed to be friends with him.

He was very weird with me when we were “friends”. Leading me on and whatnot. Well, at Homecoming, he was grinding on one of my friends and I got jealous and he told me that we couldn’t be friends anymore and that he was done with me.

Sigh, well, now he hasn’t talked to me since November. Not a word. Not even on my birthday. He’s telling all of his friends not to talk to me anymore (they were my friends, too).

One of our mutual friends hooked him up with one of her friends so they were making out and whatever at the local fair (I wasn’t there). I didn’t care all that much and when he found out I didn’t care he got really surprised. All like “what? no, she has to care. I know she cares.” well, now he’s making out with some random girl at his bus stop every morning and I don’t know what to do… how am I supposed to get him back if he won’t even talk to me?


245 Sarah February 5, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Hi Essy,

My boyfriend and I meet in undergrad and have been together for the past 5 years. The first year of our relationship was amazing! But then the next three years were testy because it shifted to being in a long distance relationship because of him moving to another state and me going to school. We have been living together now for the past 15 months, and things have been like a roller coaster ride. Sometimes things are great and other times they are horrible. But through it all, I still love him with everything and truly believe that he is the one for me.

During the course of our relationship, he has broken up with me a few times, but we always work things out and everything is great for the next 6 months or so. He feels that I’m not as supportive on a consistent measure as I should be about his dreams and goals….that I slack when it comes to the household….that I slack when it comes to working out and staying fit and healthy….and that our sex life isn’t fulfilling in the sense that it doesn’t happen enough. The sex is amazing, when it happens! But, I know two reasons for why it doesn’t happen often enough..which both deal with me: 1) I’m not 100% satisfied with my body so I have turned him down when he approaches me and tries to set the mood; 2) I don’t initiate sex enough. Although I have been supportive with everything he has done as well as his dreams, I realize that I’m not putting 100% into pushing him ALL the time. However, we made a new year’s resolution to be more intense with each other in all areas of our relationship…..intense with our goals, intense with our fitness, intense with support, etc. And in doing so, I have been working on being a better me that will lead to me being a better girlfriend and to becoming a great wife.

3 weeks, he broke up with me saying that he wasn’t satisfied with our relationship. He says that since we’ve been together for 5 years he should be able to make the decision of marring me very easy, but because it doesn’t, he feels that we shouldn’t prolong our relationship anymore. I told him that sometimes that decision doesn’t come easy for everyone. It took my parents 10 years to finally walk down the isle, and I have seen relatives take even LONGER. I’ve stressed that I would rather have him and continue to work on us and build our relationship to prepare us to be better for each other than to not have him at all. I would rather have him and no ring than to not have him at all. I tried talking to him about it and how we deserve another shot at our relationship, but he says he doesn’t think that this last time will be any different from before and that six months from now he will be in the same situation. Reevaluating our relationship by concentrating on the facts and not on my emotions, I honestly believe that we both bring a lot to the table and would be not just a great couple, but be great partners in all aspects.

I feel like there is a huge weight on my chest and it’s hard to breathe…my heart has been broken and it aches every time I look at him and talk to him because all I want to do is hug him and kiss him and make love to him and ease his mind by giving him the certainty that everything with us is going to be nothing but great. I have prayed about it, but I haven’t received any guidance on the matter. I’m tired of crying…

I don’t know what to do. Do I give him what he’s asking for and walk away from the relationship? Or do I fight for a relationship that I believe has all of the potential to be something amazing? Do I fight for our love? Please help me.


246 Doowy February 7, 2012 at 12:48 am

My boyfriend broke up with me before our 9 month anniversary, but he never gave me an answer why, he just said it wasn’t working out. Well after he broke up with me, we still flirted and hung out when we could because he’s in college and I’m a senior in high school. I still loved him and he told ms he did too. One night we were texting and he just got in a bad mood or something and said things needed to change between us. So I met up with him to talk. He listed everything that was not changing and he couldn’t handle it and needed space and not to talk for awhile. I regret everything I ever did. I assumed things and we would have stupid fights. I typed up a letter and I sent it to him today explaining things Im changing and my feelings. We have had the same type of fights occur and that’s what led to him ending it completely. It’s breaking my heart because I miss him so much I and I want to show him I really am going to change this time and make our relationship stronger and healthier.


247 Amanda February 7, 2012 at 5:28 am

Hi Essy!
My boyfriend and I got in a huge fight over not spending enough time together four months ago and broke up that same day. He had forgotten we had plans and went off with his friends, which really upset me. I was really over-dramatic about the whole situation and I realized later that I was being clingy. He cried when he broke up with me and kissed me and said he loved me.We’ve seen each other a few times, going out for dinner or lunch. I’ve apologized enough and he finally accepted my apology, but he says that he just doesn’t want a girlfriend right now. He said that he’s not ready to be friends, but he texts and calls me from time to time to check up on how I’m doing and what I’m doing. I feel like he’s been sending me mixed signals from the day we broke up, because his words do not match his actions.
For the time being, I’ve just let him go… as your advice has said to do. I’m upbeat and positive when I talk to him, but I keep it rather short. I wish I didn’t want him back, but I love/miss him so much. What should I do?


248 Kendle February 7, 2012 at 6:01 am

Hi Essy!
I reallly need your help. I Went away to college this year and met the absolute love of my life. I’ve never been so head over heels with someone. Because we both lived i the same dorms we got really close really fast, I decided not to go back to school this semester so we have decided to do the long distance (2hours) and see eachother as much as we can. My ex had some bad trust issues. It got to the point where the only conversations we had were about what I was doing and who I was texting. He woud literally sit around all day worried sick with anxiiety about what I was doing.
I did my best to comfort him. I told him I would never cheat on him because I loved him to death, and that he never had anything to wory about. But it didn’t help. And it got to the point where I felt so untrusted and unwanted that I ended it.

The bad thing is, I realized 2 minutes after we ended the call that he is the one for me. That despite his flaws, I love him and always will. The problem now is that he’s not sure he wants me back. He said he was close to trusting me before, but now whats to say I wont repeat myself and leave him high and dry. And he’s right.. I know I wouldn’t do that but how can I prove that to him? I really don’t know what to do.


249 Cookie232 February 15, 2012 at 5:41 am


I just broke up with my boyfriend a day before Valentines day. Before he cheated on me with some other girl. But then he said he had changed and not doing those things anymore. But those amount of time, I find it hard to forget the past and move on. I forgive him, but I couldn’t forget about it. It hurts me so much. I don know what to do.

Now I miss him, I’ve tried calling him, he doesn’t want to answer my calls. Usually he does, and he will try to win me back but now he doesn’t seem to care at all. I told him that if I can’t forget the past or the pain still remains, I’m not sure how is this relationship going to work out. He put down the phone and after that I didn’t hear from him.

Sometimes I worry, I think about him. But when I call him, in my head I keep asking myself, whether is it worth it all? After the pains and hurts he gave to me? I’m not sure what to do?

I can’t concentrate at work. Its getting hard to release him but at the same time I know I should. My parents hated him. Its the second time we both broke up, and yes I accepted him back at first. Now, I guess he had moved on.

Help me please.. :(


250 Yasmine February 16, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Hi Essy,

I’ve recently split from my boyfriend. He broke up with me saying that we rushed in to things but his feelings for me haven’t stopped.

I made the mistake of not giving him space and kept on texting him, although I never begged him to get back with me even though I do want to be with him still. I guess I missed the contact with him. Anyway, I really want him back and we met up the other day as friends because i said i needed closure but ended up doing mistake number 6. We didn’t get back together but he said about going out for a meal soon and that he enjoyed spending time with me that day and that when he saw me he felt happy. This gave me some hope so i carried on texting him and he replied saying to stop texting him for a while and that he will be in touch to arrange this meal out with me.

Have i totally ruined my chances of getting back with him by sleeping with him when i met him for ‘closure?’. I’m going to respect his wishes and not text him but what else can i do for damage limitation and to make him want to get in contact with me to take me out for this meal?


251 Mikaela February 17, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Hi Essy, I really need your advice!

My boyfriend and I dated for a little bit over a year. We never had a fight before and only 2 months ago he wanted to move in with me. We’ve been talking about marriage and kids and we’ve really felt that it is me and him, us..
He broke up with me about a month ago, claiming that I make him feel guilty of things he shouldn’t feel guilty about. I’ve tried to tell him that I have never ment to do that on purpose and that he has been doing the same thing to me. I just feel that this is common things that happens in relationships and things that you talk about and work out.. or am I wrong?
Anyway, I called him a few days later wanting to get my things that were still in his house. We met at a café and talked for a while and it was hard for me to hold my tears back. I said that it felt unfair that he had put all the blame on me and asked him why he didn’t talk to me about it. He apologized for doing so and admitted that he has things to work on aswell. It was actually a really good talk, I felt pretty calm when I left.. The thing is, just before we were going to leave he said that if we are ment to be it is going to happen. That I am his best friend and he wishes things were different. I love him more than anything.. what do I do? Is it worth fighting for?

Love / M


252 Jo February 18, 2012 at 8:02 am

After 5 years my bf had enough. I take responsibility for the majority of the reason behind the break up. After a weekend of arguments by text I stopped in my tracks and said it doesn’t have to be like this and we can do this properly. He kept asking how and I just simply replied “as adults”. He responded with “ok” and that was that. The next day he sent me an e mail saying how I could use some of his money to buy things I needed for a house move. He sent two messages before I replied with a short, but polite response. That was 3 days ago. I want to be in contact but I will wait for him to initiate it again. He wanted to move in with me, he loves me dearly but he is so stubborn and if we do get back together it will take months of patience, being cool and fulfilling the promises I failed to keep. If I love and respect this man and his decision to leave me then I need to give him space because after all, he’s hurting too. I sound very matter of fact but I’m dying inside but I need to be strong for myself, it’s much more dignified than crying, begging, pleading etc, I’ve done that and been there and gets you nowhere. We got back together after a nasty break up, took 7 months, a complete roller coaster of a ride but I did the right thing of being cool around him, not making first contact and never giving too much away about my life. It came to a head when I said I couldn’t be friends anymore because I was still in love with him. Took 3 days for him to come back to me, we took it slow. But now I’m back in the same position. I’ll listen to my own advice because it works and seems very similar to the advice given. I hope it works for me this time too, but I know I need to make changes. I may sound rational and matter of fact but inside I’m crying. I can do that with family, friends, on my own but it wouldn’t be fair to do it to him as he has his own feelings and emotions to deal with. I respect him and myself. Time is a great healer. Be strong.


253 keighla February 18, 2012 at 5:23 pm

hi essy.
From alll the stories on here i can tell that alot of people are like me. Sad.. Hurt. Confused. Lonely.
Maybe abit angry.

I dated my bestfriend for the first time over the summer of last year. We broke up two weeks into it because he thought i was being ‘distant and cold’
we had a big fight and didnt speak for close to three months, because we both had alot of issues that go way back and really nasty tempers.
One day, out of the blue,at the beggining of winter break, he called and apologised for everything he did or said, and wanted his best friend back.

I wont deny that i was happy. I was bloody ecstatic.

We picked up where we left off and he’s an amazing friend.
We talked all through winter break, and into the new year.
He admitted he still had feelings for me but i didnt exactly react to him.

Then six weeks ago, he started talking about how he needed me and he missed me and he just wanted to be with me. And how much he loved me. Overnight he turned into the most romantic, sweet,caring, kind, loving, adorable and amazing guy.. And he asked me to give him another chance. Wich i did.

Two days ago, we got into a fight about this girl who is crazy about him that is everywhere he goes. She is always with him and everytime i want to see him, she has a ‘situation’ so we have to cancel
i got angry and told him that i was losing my patience.
He kept on about how trust is important and all of that. Then he sent me a TEXT!!! Saying
” judging by how things are going, i dont think we’ll go far, so i’m calling it quits”

i miss him
i love him
i’m angry
i’m sad
i’m hurt

but most of all, i wish we had talked about this, instead of him deciding for the both of us that it wouldnt work


Ps: i’m limiting communication for 30 days, but his number is on speeddial, and i’m tempted


254 Rochelle February 18, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Hi Essy, before I start I completely understand that I dug myself into this hole but now I’m stuck.
Roughly two years ago I met a guy and we instantly got along. We’re from a small place in Arizona, and go to different schools about 10 minutes away but my town is the one with a Walmart, restaurants, ect. So he’s always here. We talked all day everyday but in my head we were bestfriends. He told me he was in love with me a year into our friendship and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t mean to but I broke his heart multiple times because I would say that we could try talking but I got too scared to loose him as a friend and stopped. And even though he’d start talking to other girls I knew he’d choose me if I wanted him too. But now that’s all over. He started dating this girl who’s awful. She cheats on him and he won’t do a thing about it, but he won’t talk to me when they’re together. But as soon as they break up he’ll text me, but drop me as soon as they get back together. And as wrong as it is I want him now. I miss him and as cliche as it sounds, he’s all I think about.
Im friends with his bestfriend and he told me “He said what he feels for you is deeper than anything he’s ever felt for a girl, but be won’t leave her for you because he’s scared you’ll make it a friendship because that’s all you’ve ever made it for him.” I’ve broken your rules, I’ll text him, and sometimes he’ll reply, other times he won’t. I don’t know what to do anymore. Help?


255 Breanna February 19, 2012 at 8:32 pm

He said he don’t know he don’t know if he still likes me. Then he says he likes me but he’s confused please help me I love him! Breanna


256 Veronica S. February 20, 2012 at 5:43 am

Hi Essy!

I don’t know how to start….I’m like so twisted right now…The reason why my ex left me because of my attitude. I been arguing with him on stupid things that there’s no point of it. There was one time we had a huge argument and I said so many mean things to him and that’s where he dumped me. I realized that I loved him so much than before and I begged and begged but it seems he won’t take me back. No matter what I do nothing will make him change his mind. He told me he rather have me as a friend or (friends with benefit) than his girlfriend and that there Is no hope for this love….He also told me that he wants to be single and I’m gonna be replaced….Help Please!!!


257 Lacy February 20, 2012 at 10:39 am

My boyfriend and i broke up 6 months ago, we were having problems, i couldnt communicate at all and i wasnt always honest with him but he would freak out on lil things that in my mind didnt matter and he eventually cheated on me. After breaking all the rules i tried the no contact rule for 2 months. After we got back into contact i broke all the rules again. we started talking everyday, saw each other a few times, and becuase we were talking everyday we got really really emotional and freaked out at each other in what we called “explositons”. eventually it got to the point that we had to stop talking. We havent talked in over a month now, i have contacted him once on my birthday and once while i was in the hospital but got no reply both times. the thing is i am much calmer now, can control myself, have been dateing, and am seeing someone i really really like. in all aspects i have moved on and i can live my life without jeremiah (my ex) and i can be happy. the only problem is i still think i can love him and i still miss him from time to time, and if given the choice i would want to get back with him and get our life back becuase we had been living together and were ring shopping when the relationship ended. I just dont know how to initiate contact after the disaster the first time and after so long and him not responding to my texts im not sure how to pick up the phone and call him or what to say to him if he even answeres? and if he doesnt i dont know what kind of voicemail to leave? help?


258 Caitlin W February 20, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Hey Essy, My boyfriend and i recently broke up and honestly i’m not dealing with it too well.he says he doesn’t have any more than friend feelings for me anymore.I love him and want him back so bad!! :( I have major issues when it comes to men and relationships…trust,jealousy etc i’ve been hurt alot.He was so good to me but i was so worried about him hurting me or leaving me that i ended up driving him away with all my negativity :( I want more than anything for him and i to get back together! I feel so crappy about how things ended up,i should have known that he isn’t like other guys i’ve been with or like other guys in general and now i’m left with myself to blame.He and i are remaining friends…he usually doesn’t stay friends with ex’s but he made an exception for me because he and i were like best friends before we even got together, I am wondering if there is another reason behind this decsision.I am hoping the friendship will lead back into a relationship at some point he knows i love him and want him back and i’m trying not to seem needy and what not.I’m just trying to be the best possible friend to him right now.If i do get another chance i know now what i have to work on to make it last.Hes a really good guy! Is there hope for me?


259 abby February 20, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Hey Essy, My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of days ago after a two year relationship. We both are in highschool still. He told me he no longer liked me like the way he use to and just wanted to be friends. I accepted the friendship in order to try and get him back and I broke all the rules with crying and pleading for him to give me one more chance. The day after the break up I told him we couldn’t be friends and he said he was sad that we couldn’t. If I give it time do you think he will want to get back together?


260 Jennifer February 21, 2012 at 4:52 am

Hi Essy,

Ive got a little bit of a situation …

My boyfriend, Eric, and I broke up about 7 months ago .. I did all the wrong things when we broke up. Texting, calling .. blablabla. Id get a handle on myself, then hed pop back into my head .

A little back story, I started dating him about 4 months after my other ex of 6 years broke up with me . Im more devastated by this break up than the last .

Eric has since had a relationship .. Not sure if theyre still together. I have deleted him from my social network and I dont call him unless I go out and have a few drinks ..

He works in a bar, and to be honest, while we were together, I was the girl that was okay and trusting enough to be with someone who works in a bar .. I have my insecurities as we all do.

We went on vacation together two weeks before we broke up. We fought a bit on vacation .. But nothing major that a kiss couldnt fix. When we got back, we talked about how we didnt want to go down that route .. that we didnt want to fight about stupid things that wouldnt matter the next day .. In any case, he felt that I had some issues to work out . An eating problem which I have struggled with forever .

Fast forward a few months after we break up, and he calls me out of the blue .. Wants to come over and talk .. i thought that this was my chance .. But he never showed .

About two months ago, on my birthday, he showed up at my house .. Did something that Im not too proud of , cause I gave him all the power .

I havent seen or heard from him since.

I cant seem to move on, I know deep down that I should be with him . We have mutual friends, but I make a point to not be at the same place at the same time .

Is there anyway you think I can salvage this ? Please give me pointers .. Im not desperate .. But Im not far from it ..


261 Loli February 21, 2012 at 8:03 am


I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years and we were great. we had some ups and downs but we always come back together. but last week his parents started thinking about divorce. so he broke up with me because he said that he doesn’t want our future to be the same like them. he said that he still loves me but we can’t be together anymore. I did step 1 and 2 but he was understanding. so now we are in the limited contact. we are acting like we have been friends forever. we text, call and hang out together. but that is not not enough for me, I want him back as my lover. I’m scared that he will always see me as a friend and forget me as his girl friend.

please tell me how to get him back. Thanks


262 Avalon February 21, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Hey Essy,
I need some help… My exboyfriend and I have been on a really bumpy road. We had been together for little over a year. His parents do not approve of us because we are too young (15 years old). He broke up with me back in November because of it.
Back when we first started liking each other, my former friend use to like him but they never really talked to each other or were official. Anyhow she started a lot of drama and claimed I stole him from her but they never actually went out. She has caused a lot of problems in our relationship by throwing herself at my exboyfriend. He told her he liked her and held hands with her when they were at a choir retreat. It crushed me but eventually he said he was sorry and I forgave him. On valentines day he told me that we should just be friends because it would be easier because his parents still don’t approve of us. But later in the day I found out that he likes my former friend again.
I don’t know what to do. He says I’m his bestfriend and I’m the only person he trusts and he still has feelings for me but he likes the other girl as well. I wish I could tell him off and be done with him. I know I have a lot of life ahead of me to date other guys but i can’t get myself to just let go of him. I want him back stupidly enough. Help):


263 Chloe February 22, 2012 at 2:14 am

Hi Essy~

I am really lost as to what to do. My ex and I have had a lot of trouble the past year, but we’ve been together for almost 4 years. Last year I made a huge mistake of sleeping with someone else when things were going downhill for us. It was really stupid for me and I regret it but alas, you can’t turn back time. He wasn’t paying me as much attention as he used to, which led me to doing that which was dumb. He broke up with me 4 months later and was seeing someone else. We then decided to make things work and he broke it off with her. Three months down the track and I am yet again, dumped by him. I know it’s my fault, but we are a really good couple together. He’s definitely not perfect but when we are in love, we are really happy. He told me he loves me, but I guess he’s not ‘in’ love with me. I’ve downloaded countless ebooks, but the thing is, I live with him which makes it extremely hard to follow the no contact rule and such without looking mopy or feel like i’m ignoring him.

Could you please help me, as I am desperate to have him back in my life.

Chloe x


264 Anon February 22, 2012 at 4:31 am

So, my ex-boyfriend (Wesley) of approx. 11 months and I broke up about 5 months ago, long story. To get over him, I started dating someone new, Justin. Justin and I have been together for… 5 months, as mentioned, and have had some issues with my ex. I’m not over Wesley, we were closer than ever when we were together and after 11 months had been through anything and everything together. He was the first person I had sex with as well, so it was a big deal for me. He was honestly the first person I ever loved and had a serious, lasting relationship with. I’m a sophomore in high school and know that there are more relationships like these to come, but I feel like I’m never going to be able to get over Wesley. Thing is… Wesley goes to my school, and so does my current boyfriend, Justin. Justin and I occasionally see Wesley on campus and Wesley even says hey to me at times. Justin sees how I try to hide the fact that I’m excited when Wesley says hey to me and it really bothers him. I promised Justin that I wouldn’t talk to Wesley and have since been lying to him and talking to Wesley behind his back. He’s caught me several times and been very upset with me for lying to him, which I don’t blame him for. Wesley also has a girlfriend, Hannah. He’s doing the same thing that I’m doing, which is hiding the fact that we talk to each other from his girlfriend. While Wesley and I were together, he cheated on me with Hannah and I later forgave him for it… mistake. Wesley and I dealt with many issues that involved me being very untrustworthy with him because of the things he had done in the past, but I still love him and don’t know what to do to get over him. I love Justin with all my heart, but feel like some of that love is taken from Justin because I still have feelings for Wesley as well. Like I said, I’ve been dealing with this ongoing issue for 5 months and don’t know how much more of it I can take. At this point, I feel like there’s nothing left to do because I always breakdown and text/call Wesley when I’m lonely. Throughout my relationship with Wesley, the things he did caused me to feel like I couldn’t trust anyone and I seem to be taking it out on Justin when I know he doesn’t deserve it. What should I do now?


265 sunita February 22, 2012 at 5:33 am


Me and my boyfriend broke up last 2 month b4. Our relationship is of 6 years, at start we were not serious abt things and not commited, just coz of his mom and dad decision he moved on, he calls me when he misses n me too.But the thing is he is engaged and going to get married soon after 3 months. and i want him back in my life soon.This moment made me feel that we cant live without each other. He has just taken the decision, diplomaticaly, which in future may cause problems in our lives.
The main decision is coz of casteism and financial crises in his life.
He is stressed out, n still shares each and every problem with me,he was in love with a girl and was serious abt her in college times,we have such a good bonding that he shares each and every good or bad things from me.
Please take this query seriously and reply me back so that i can get him back asap.



266 Maria February 22, 2012 at 11:53 am

Hi Essy,
I love your site. I have a diffrent sittuation. My BF and I haven’t broke up yet. We are just having a break,some time apart. We’ve been dating for two months and a half and last week we both did some mistakes. Firstly he was and still is very busy with work and I got very frustrated that he didn’t have enough time for me and what really got me angry was that on Valentines Day and night he had to work and we didn’t get to see eachother at all. He sent me a text wishing me Happy Valentines Day and thats about it. I was hoping till the last minute that he would surprise me somehow and we would meet for a little while at least. I was wrong and when I realised that nothing would happen I decided to go out on my own and get drunk as a revenge. I sent him a text telling him that I was going out to get drunk and I suggested that we give eachother some space since he is so busy with his work. He responded to my text at 2am when I was a little bit drunk and he thought I wanted to break up with him. I ended up going to his house and he didn’t answer the door for a long time. When he did open up he didn’t let me in.He didn’t want me there, so I decided to go. He did fallow me and tried to talk to me and we spoke for a little while but it was obvoius that he didn’t want me there so I left. The next day I realised that it was me that started all this. Although there is no excuse for his behaviour, I triggered it. He felt terrible after that and he started to text me and ask me how I am and all that. I responded and I appologised for my behaviour(going out on my own on Valentines night and getting drunk and turning up at his door drunk). He appologised as well and explained that the way he acted was so out of character for him and it only happened because he was so angry at that point and he allowed himself to become completly detached. He asked of me to forgive him and he told me he loves me. I told him that it will take time for me to forgive him but I have accepted what happened. He then said that he is gratefull for me giving us another chance and that he wants us to try and work a way through. It was all good at that point. What I did next was very stupid(so I think). After telling him that I would not disconsider him in my actions again(I disconsidered him when I went out to get drunk on my own), I decided to go out with one of my GF without telling him. I told him a couple of days later and he got so upset that he would not speak to me now. I feel like I haven’t done anything wrong but I did disconsider him. He said he wished I told him I was going out with my friend and not hide it from him. He now said that he needs time to think about everything. He tells me he loves and he misses me and he still wants to see me but he needs some time first. I have apologised for my behaviour and I promised to him this time it won’t happen again. I can’t do any more than that. I am respecting his wish of having some time to think about things and I haven’t been in touch with him. He wrote a couple of lines on FB saying:”Just logged on to let you know I’m still gutted about what’s happened…but you’re in my thoughts and I miss you. Oh, and I love your profile picture. Love you. xxx”. I responded to his message but no more than that. I don’t know if I am doing the right thing.
If you have the time to read my story, can you please advise me on this. I love him very much, and I know he loves me to, but I don’t want to be making any more mistakes.

Thank you for reading my story and I am looking forward to hearing your advice.


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